Hey, guys. Everything super sucks right now. I think I’m in love with my best friend. He hates me though and wont talk to me anymore so I guess you all are my only escape now. Sorry. I wish things wouldn’t suck. I wish people had the power to get through rough times without leaving others behind. I wish Jacob and I could go back to how things were before we messed up. Oh well, I’ve got my blade and my trombone, that’s all a girl really needs in life right? Not talking to him is driving me crazy, oh my lord of the rings. […]
I’ll never figure out where I went wrong.  At one point in my life, about ten years ago, I had most everything I wanted.  A wife, home, and job.  Then one day I lost my job and wife all in the same day.  Since then, my parents have had to rescue me several times, which has cost them a fortune, and I had a good job, the plant closed, found another, also closed.  After two years of looking (2009-2010) I finally found another.  Most I’d ever made, great position.  Lost that job about a 6 weeks ago.  I think I’m losing my mind.  I used up […]
do i not get to talk to people head on here? im new
I’ve been writing tonight. Â I’ve never felt this alone. Â I know I write crazy amounts and it is probably annoying to see my username posted over and over. Â I just feel so incredibly inside out. Â I threw away the glass because I was frustrated it wasn’t sharper. Â now I can’t get to it and it is driving me crazy. Â i feel like there is a monster clawing at my insides. Â i watched a movie. Â completely disturbing. Â i had no idea beforehand. Â i just want to disappear. Â no one really cares, not enough to listen to me anyway, or to try and understand. Â maybe that’s not […]
So I wrote this poem to the people who would be affected if I would commit suicide because I’ve been seriously considering it lately.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry but
Holding on for one more day
will never make me stronger,
So stop the lies
and pitifull smiles
cause it won’t ever stop me,
You’re screaming ‘don’t do it’
the world’s screaming ‘it’s over’
how selfish of me
to finally go free
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry but
This messed up world
will go on,
This messed up world
will be your home,
I hope you’ll forgive me
all my mistakes,
I hope you’ll understand
you […]
Things have happened in the past and som-what still happen today they effect me more now than ever. Why can’t me and the problems just dissapear?
Does anyone else kinda hope the world does end this december.
I looked at the mirror today. Fuck, I’m hideous and ridiculously horrid to look at. I’ve cut earlier on my left arm. Seven horizontally and two vertically, overlapping the rest. They aren’t deep enough to bleed thoroughly but the scars won’t fade.
I’ve made myself uglier. Something’s wrong with me. I try to tell myself to see myself as perfectly as possible, with two legs and two arms, a head and two eyes. But I just make myself uglier. I want someone to make me feel beautiful and appreciated, but nobody does, even myself. Am I selfish and vain for wanting this?
Today I went to the St. Patrick Day parade. I was having a really good time and i actually had fun, which seems to never happen. But now that I’m home my mind is just yelling at me and telling me, why the hell were you happy, you cant do that, stop being happy. Now I just feel so depressed and i feel like i have to be mad at myself for being happy, instead of being proud of actually having fun and being happy. i just dont know what to do.
My good days are fleeting.
My bad days last forever….
all i want this minute is to kill myself. Â and it is taking over everything. Â sorry for this pointless post. Â i’m absolutely screaming inside.
I’m really tired. I don’t know why I’m still here. I want to be erased, not dead. I want the memory of myself forgotten, not just lost. I know I don’t deserve this. I’ve wasted so much in life with sex and secrets. I want to go back and change those. But could I? Fucking no.
I think I should overdose myself with those sleeping pills, it’s an appealing idea, especially now.
I just wish my friends could understand what I’m feeling.
I feel so lonely all the time.
I want a friend who will be there all the time. And we can talk about anything, not just me being depressed or my problems, but also just what ever comes up. Or maybe somebody could watch a movie with me instead of me doing everything by myself.
Why do I feel so lonely?
So I’m back where I started. Â My friend is on her way back to Maryland and I have a sharp piece of broken glass in my pocket. Â I feel like going to the store and buying pills and pencil sharpeners I can unscrew and use as razor blades. Â I am seeing my doctor tomorrow though. Â I haaaaveee to finish this semester or else I would just check myself into the hospital because honestly I don’t know how else to get myself safe. Â But whatever. Â Blood it is. Â I have so little fight in me anymore, I am just totally resigned. Â Maybe I will go to […]
I have happy moments. Immensely happy moments. However, at the back of my mind there’s always that darkness there. It’s like I’ll be doing something great and fun and I’ll be feeling great, then I suddenly think to myself about whether I’m still desperate to disappear. The answer’s always ‘Yes’. That scares me. When I’m having a darker day, things feel worse, but it bothers me that even on my better days, I’d still rather be elsewhere.
I want to go back to when I never questioned my existence.
I want to laugh today without considering the tears of tomorrow.
I want to have good days unquestionably.
I want […]
a member of my family tole me that he hates me and ive been nothing but trouble and he was deadly serious. What do i do?
I dont understand why I can never let myself succeed. Why do I always have to sabotage everything for myself? Why cant I ever behave like a normal person? Why do I always fucking ruin everything, and why cant the voices in my head ever shut the fuck up.
I want to call my psychiatrist tomorrow for a new appointment. Havent been there in three months. But I don’t want to call her. She always keeps going about the weed and she said I need rehab first before we could solve my other problems, because I’m too dependant on the weed. I DONT want to quit […]
My first counseling appointment is tomorrow morning..any ideas on what the doctor will do? Like, what kind of questions she’ll ask me?..
Found out I have manic depression and I am a bit schizophrenic… Kinda all makes sense now.. Tho idk if I tell ppl they might call me “crazy” or a “freak” and that hurts.. It’s not my fault I have these. If it was my choice I wouldn’t be posting this becuz non of the would be true…
-Morgan….RawrImaTurtle….