Im barely holding on. All I feel like doing is cutting and crying one day. And then the next I’m invincible. I cut when I’m happy.when I’m mad.but I don’t cry or cut when I’m sad. I feel like there’s something wrong w me that I haven’t gotten to the bottom of yet. Does anyone have the same issues as me?
I surely don’t. That is I don’t care about myself. I care so much about the people around me. The people I love. But why can’t I love me?? It just doesn’t happen for me. I try to think “of everything will be alright and I’m gonna love myself and how I look”. No. That’s not happening. I’d rather not love myself and suffer than lose the people I love the most. It takes me a lot of time to open up to anyone. It took me like over a year to open up to my best friend. But I did it. And now I […]
I don’t know if we are allowed to do this but does anyone use skype or oovoo? If anyone wants to video chat I’m totally cool with it. I’m nice so don’t got to worry about me picking on you 🙂
My mood lately has been up and down. But I came to a breakthrough. I don’t want to kill myself anymore (unless I’m feeling real down then the thoughts come back) but overall I don’t. I realize I’m going to die one day anyways so I’ll deal with all the crap til I do. Cause 80 years really isn’t that long (if i’m that lucky).
I still feel like shit, try not to think about what a failure I am but it’s very apparent in my life so not thinking about it or being aware is hard to do.
Momz is irritating once again trying to intervene […]
Okay so my second doctor that i had told me that i had psycosis. Because i told here that i wasnt depressed but just fed up with the bullshit.am i really crazy
I have been looking at methods, and keep coming back to antifreeze. I have studied and read facts from doctors and lots of other places. Seems the best option for me, since it is hard to diagnose at first and can be seen as an accident or something. If you aren’t given treatment for a certain amount of time, then anything after that point is useless to stop it. Anyone have any views on this? Some say you can’t die from drinking it, but all indications point to the fact that if you drink it and wait a period of […]
but I feel fucked up. I’m burnt out, I know it; I should stop. But why? Nothing gets better. Sober, enflamed.. the only difference is I have less control of my motor functions and my brain squeezes out more depression juice.
The juice is always flowing though, illicit drugs or no. I’m grateful for my brain, being so awake with such an open perspective, but it’s alienating. I felt apart from the general public before first doing drugs. The thing about them is that they just make you feel more of how you already feel.. at least for me they do.
My volume simply gets turned up; […]
(I was going to put this as a comment under my picture but, I didn’t really want to start a big discussion there about jobs and the economy)
Please, would someone just listen to me? Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall.
I really, honestly appreciate the thoughts and ideas for what I can do. However, I am not stupid. I KNOW my options. I know what to do and how to be and what to say. Even though I’ve talked about myself in a few posts and comments here doesn’t mean you really know me or what my life is like.
I […]
December 17th, 2011 at 2:31 am
im not sure what to say other than i know all your going thru seems like alot right now but life will get better for you it will just take time. I offer this to you becouse i dont want you to kill yourself, wich puzzles me becouse i am thinking of killing myself also and if i am going to end it why care if some totally random person on some blog does the same thing? I think its becouse my life has alot of simularities to yours except it was a long time ago that i […]
My dad hates me – he abandoned me. He never wanted me. dad left me and mom when I was about 2 years old so I really don’t remember – but I have a feeling he used to be fun – I seem to remember we used to play and laugh a lot. But I don’t really remember because I was so young. Mom says he left us because he hates us.
I did see dad a few times … the last time I was twelve … I’m 17 now. when I would see him He smiled and laughed and his eyes twinkled like they were […]
I hate mornings, it takes me all night to fall asleep then all morning to wake up. I set my alarm super early but just turn it off instead of getting up. Was also able to lie to my boss and not go to work today or tomorrow which will take me right through the weekend. Perfect, I don’t have to leave my house for at least 4 days. I need to start planning the end but I’m too depressed to do much of anything. I need to put it together. Anyone out there?
Why does life have cruel parts in it? i don’t really like the place i am staying in right now still, because i feel unwanted….i am just trying to find a foster home but no one wants me in this area. but i really want to stay at my school Ridgeland, because i have such a wonderful teacher. does anyone want me that lives around here. i live in Chickamauga right now, but my school is in Rossville. but i know no one wants me, but can some one please talk to me?????
I’ve been calling people, reaching out for help, but all I get is a voice telling me to leave a message. Wait… hold on… I just heard gun shots. Two. They sound kind of far. Sorry about that, anyways back to what we were talking about.
At the beginning of 2012 I wrote a post, telling everyone here that I wished them the best, that we would get through all of our troubles together. I want to keep that promise, I want for all of us to find a light, a single light, and hand in hand, pull out of this darkness. Not that darkness is […]
Okay so idk if somethings really wrong with the way i.look or ifi just naturaly look depressed but i was having a good time laughing and joking and one of my friends out of the blue said why do you look so.depressed were supose to be having fun and i said i am having fun dont you.see me laughing the.he.said yeah but right after you get done laughing youu get this look on your face like your about.to cry or.something i sat there for a moment then left out the room crying.they all asked why i was crying and i wouldnt tell them […]
I turned 30 in October. I have a fairly large family (six kids) and two good parents who are, thankfully, still with us. I have had difficulty sleeping my entire life. I don’t know exactly when it turned into full blown insomnia but, these days, I’m lucky to get even two hours of sleep a night, if I sleep at all. I can feel myself losing my grip on reality. I’ve been so depressed and so alone for so long, if I even had a chance to change, I wouldn’t know how. I don’t want to die, but I’ve held on for as long as […]
Sometimesi can really feel lile im not wort the air i breath or the space i take up on this earth theres someone out there who want a life like mies way more then i do.i cant even stand to wake up every morning i always wish that like something bad happenexd over night and i didnt here of feel nothing but im dead.see when i die i dont want to suffer before i go i want a quick and painless death lile getting shot lin the heado or jumping off a 200 floor building
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=1YxAGx0Dq1E
A Fav comedian of mine …
Can’t sleep…
I vowed to myself not to eat past 7pm, and I’m eating way smaller portions than my stomach is used to. People say I’m not fat…at 135, I highly disagree. I’m disgusted with myself when I look in the mirror. I used to be 115…from highschool up until about 6 months ago, when I gained 20 pounds in what seemed like a matter of days.
But my hunger pains aren’t the only reason why I can’t sleep.
Last summer I was sexually harassed by my boss. It was so bad for me that I only worked 3 days at that job. I’ve told people […]