I missed you guys yesterday. As tragically ironic as this is, these posts give me a small ounce of hope that I don’t get anywhere else, from anyone else. It gives me that tiny bit of strength to get up and decide if I want to live today. I don’t feel like I’m alone in the world when I’m on here. I hate feeling alone…and although I have a family and a significant other, I still feel lost and desperate in this cold world, even when I’ve had a “good” day, it still doesn’t feel good enough. My smile is only temporary…its inevitable that it […]
When i open my eyes today
i close them again and pray
i pray for answers
i pray for hope
i pray for the power to survive
and if i do survive
would i really want it?
sorry i am not good at it but i was just needing to write
Without you, I don’t have to worry every day if you’ll be there.
Without you, there are no lies and new fake stories.
Without you, I’m not putting myself up for hurt.
Wiithout you, there are constand wonders inmy mind.
Without you, I have a void in my heart that was never filled from the start.
Take away the pain, it will never happen.
Take away the pain, maybe in your fantasies.
Take away the pain, no one can ever help you.
Take away the pain, never depend on anyone.
Take away the pain, you’ll figure things out the hard way.
Take way the pain, you’ll always have to deal with it alone.
Take away the pain, it will never leave inside of you.
Take away the pain, take it all.
tears of fear,
tears of confusion,
tears of wonder,
tears of worry,
tears of sorrow,
tears of hope.
I figured it out, I have at lest three sides to me. In my mind, I have three little voices in my head. And at random times, one is louder than the others. Well right now is the side that wants to die, but won’t let my self do it. Other times it’s the happy me. The me I like. I’m happy when I’m around people more. The third side, oh god, is the side that gets louder at night…
Well I’m going to try a few more things to help get me outta this personal hell I’ve created for my self. I’m going to […]
Me, I just want to remember what happiness feels like…
My brother killed himself when he was 23….almost 10 years ago. The pain of his loss is excruciating. I miss him so much.
so here i am again
couple weeks go by and i think i am better than this site  ( i’m not like those people)
but i am
or i’m worse
have absolutely no idea why i just cannot shake this
i see now its definately not a phase
maybe i am being repayed for my sins in a previous life
no one understands me
no one — and i mean NO one knows the real me
just me and God i guess
sitting here with tears in my eyes again , my heart is so heavy
all i want to do is cry and drink myself into a deep sleep
and i hate drinking
hate feeling drunk
wish i […]
Anybody had an experience by trying to commit suicide cutting your jugular? or had a close person who ended their lives this way? Can you share those experiences with me? I am planning on taking my own life this way. I have heard it is faster than cutting my arms.
I wake up. I look at the clock. It’s 5:30 AM. My wife is asleep. My daughter has, at some time during the night, crawled into bed with us. My mother is out asleep on the couch. My head is ringing slightly, my neck and shoulders are tight, my stomach is tight to the point of nausea. I stare at the ceiling trying not to move. How can I get out of this bed without waking anyone, and slip downstairs to the garage? I know there’s a heavy duty extension cord sitting on the workbench. Nobody has picked it up and hidden it away yet. […]
This is just a random thing I thought of while walking past her in school today. This is inspired by SuicideKillMe’s post, “You Saw.” It is an amazing post & I highly recommend that you read it.
You walk by you and you look at me, not even caring about the strong friendship we once had and not even trying to bring it back. You notice that I have no friends, yet you don’t try to reach out to me to become my friend. You look at me, right in the eyes but you say nothing. You know I was right when I said that […]
I Feel So Weird, Like A Zombie Or Something, I Finally Got The Courage, And Finally Told Someone Everything, Well Mostly Everything, There Are SOme Things Im Keeping To The Grave. Im Getting The Help I Need, But I Regret It, Im Sitting Waiting For The CAMHS(Child And Adolecent Mental Health Service) Crisis Team, And All I Can Think Is What The F**k Have I Done This For, Im Never Gunna Have The Chance Again, So Im Gunna Have To Go Thorugh All Of The Councelling Again, I Guess Its A Good Thing, Because I Know That Death Isn’t Really What I Deep Down Want, But It […]
Bare with me here, I have no idea how to explain this. I have tried to explain it to close friends and family and they all think they know how to help and start giving me all this attention then I feel more like crap. I honestly think this has more to do with depresstion. I think I’m legitimately insane. This isn’t me talking out of my a** either. I one second am happy as can be then the next I’m in tears then the next, oh god, I’m at the virge of killing my self. I have these horrible horrible thoughts about how I’m […]
My father jumped to his death when he was 39. I didn’t understand it then. I mean he still had half his life to live. How could he just leave us like that?
Now I’m 39 and I still have half my life to live and I finally understand.
I got married later in life. I never felt the need to attach myself to a person. Sure I dated but I never met anyone who I could love unconditionally. Then I met my husband. I can honestly say he has the most beautiful heart I have ever known. For two years I knew happiness with him. I […]
My boyfriend became suicidal when I was dating him. He thought that without his grandfather, he would never be happy again. That one small thing, like losing his grandpa made him suicidal. But to him, it was not small. He started cutting himself. He started burning himself. He chased me down the street with a bottle and then attempted to hang himself on a tree outside his house. Of course, I couldn’t watch him do it. The next week it got worse, he blacked out and started going crazy. He had two knives and was on top of his house, looking down at me and […]
I hate highschool, can”t be around any of my friends anymore. They bother me beyond belief and they don’t understand that I’m trying to do something for myself, I’m trying to be better I don’t want these thoughts anymore and they don’t seem to understand that I’m tired of always seeing them and being left out. People make me feel terrible about myself, constantly degrading my life, what am I supposed to do? My “best friend” is honestly the worst person I know. She thinks only of herself and never considers my feelings or burdens. It sucks and I have no idea what to do along […]
I really don’t.
It just feels like life is getting too hard.
It’s too hard to please other people.
It’s too hard to please myself.
I can’t do anything right.
No one wants me here.
It’s like they hate me.
And I can’t say I blame them.
I hate me too.
I would always turn my feelings off when I hit this point.
But now that doesn’t work.
Burning doesn’t work.
Nothing does.
But I don’t want to quit.
I’m still here. Somewhere.
Right?
Okay, so I have to admit something. I talk big, I act tough, but deep down, I just want to die.
I don’t know why I feel like this. I have friends, life is good. it just feels so empty, so meaningless. I don’t understand. I’m not depressed, I’m not taking any medications, and I have plenty of sunlight. I just…. I don’t get it.
If you feel this way, or maybe know how to help, any advice would be… well, better than this.
I cant tell my parents, so dont say that.