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11

Black & Ugly or is it just a synonym?

May 30th, 2009by Nansea

I can’t believe it, or is it surprising to know that I’m one if not only  Black/African American women that wants end her life.  I searched every post for the words  black and african and no one has declared to represent themselves as such. If there is any poc out there.. How do you get thru everyday? knowing most people think you are ugly? I’m losing the  will to want to breathe.

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4

sick

May 30th, 2009by mollyB

I have had an undiagnosed illness for 7 months now.  My symptoms are too overwhelming to indicate here however it is of a medical nature not psychological. This illness has left me mostly bedridden, unable to leave the house except for dr’s appointments and unable to drive and struggling to walk.  I’m in my mid 30’s and had everything going for me. I mean everything. I considered my life to be almost perfect. I am a lover of all life has to offer and now all i can do is look out my bedroom window and see everyone else and everything living. My new doctor seems …

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6

all in all

May 30th, 2009by sion

i’m seventeen, my mom and dad are the only reason i wouldnt want to die, i would like them to understand i need to die, cos i’m no good, i dnt get good grades, i’m not nice to most people, i mean i dont know how to fake smiles, i cant make many friends and i havent learnt not to care about that, but i love my mom and i wouldnt her to feel sad, i wish they didnt love me, that way i’d be free to do what i know i should, if i died it would be one life’s pollution less, not much, …

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0

I actually thought life was supposed to be fair

May 30th, 2009by Nansea

This is a vent or rant. I believed life would be fair. I watched tv and it rotted my brain.

I thought one day I would meet a special guy. I met one that I thought was special 9 years ago.  He really made me forget about the guy I had a crush on for few years. This man was my first boyfriend at 28 years old. You can believe I thought I would have met a guy that actually was attracted to me before then, but that did not happen. Now I question what if any feelings the guy I met back then had for …

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0

if we had never met

May 30th, 2009by sion

right now i’m seventeen, theres been so many changes and events in my life leading to my current state tht i doubt i’ll write all of them here, or remember them all, still, there are some main reasons i have never been able to overcome.

i remember when i was about seven years old and i met this girl who was also seven, she was beautiful even then, i loved her from the moment i saw her, as stupid as that might sound considering i was just a seven yearold, still she lived very far away, so i wouldnt usually get to see her, and still i …

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3

mama’s girl

May 29th, 2009by jasmine

In 7th grade I had the bestest friend you could ask for, but then, she became a band geek and she just drifted away. Then in 8th grade i made a pretty damn good best friend. But then high school came and my bestfriend went to some other school, and everyone just changed. I started to look at everyone diffrently, and all I saw were inconsiderate assholes. Then I noticed the shit my mom was going through: woke up at 5am, worked ’til 10pm every day, no days off. I feel so useless because I can’t do anything to help her. And she works her ass …

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3

Days of Wine and Roses

May 28th, 2009by tbay

Things, for lack of a better word, have not been well. A year ago, I met the woman of my dream, an angel, true beauty. We were married and the wine began to flow. I’d find myself needing to leave bars, having put down more whisky and xanax than any normal man should. One night, while in a drunken rage, I did the unspeakable, a slapped that beautiful woman. The look of sadness and pain in her eyes is still etched in my brain. I was arrested and sentences to some alcohol classes. The drinking worsened to the point that we started staying apart several …

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1

When I lost me

May 28th, 2009by chrissibear

It all started in Jan of 2001 I had a house fire and lost everything, actualy it started way before that with the abuse as a child from my grandfather, then later with my 2 ex husbands. But in Jan 2001 was the start of me lossing myself. It was a usual day I had got the kids ready for school, the night before I had a arguement with my husband about his drinking and his stealing my sons ridalin. So it wasn’t a good start to my day to begin with. I went to work ended up a hour later getting a call from …

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1

a Title is irrelevant

May 28th, 2009by Hotsauce

I realized I could kill myself at a young age. When I grew older, I realized that being suicidal brought attention. Even more older, I realized being suicidal would eventually alienate people. Eventually I realized, My feelings of suicide, were real, and instead of providing help, people would rather compare and challenge my problems with theirs, just to justify they were a bit more troubled than I was. I suppose that’s how my friends justified ignoring me.

I found that when my “symptoms” didn’t fit textbook examples of typical suicidal people, that psychiatrists started shortening my visits, yet still wrote out prescriptions. I found that only …

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1

Hollow

May 28th, 2009by choffelder1029

Im not depressed.  I have the medications to thank for that, however what theyve done to me by no means deserves thanks. Oh sure, the severe BPDs gone but i didnt know i was trading it for absolutely nothing.  They killed any small part of me that mightve passed as human; they hollowed me out. How am i supposed to live a life like this, a medically-made sociopath, where feeling is impossible and nothing will ever matter to me.  I just dont care anymore, i cant.  Everyday just seems more pointless then the last.  The world around me is fading.

If i dont manage to kill myself, the …

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4

breakdown

May 28th, 2009by helper

i am on a breakdown, i am possibly bipolar, which is probably true, i am in high school, i have next to nothing in friends, and i am literally breaking down. For the last 3 nights, well the first i broke down in front of my parents and cried and yelled at like one in the morning, and then for the last two nights i have had to stay up all night in order to keep myself from doing breaking down again. I just cannot handle life anymore, and this seem to be my break down and i feel as if my ife will go …

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2

I just want to get it down here

May 28th, 2009by frosty autumn

I dont need someone to feel sorry for me, i just need someone to listen. From what i remember, its as if ive felt depressed every single day since i was a young teenaged boy. Its become my consistent personality that i dont know what its like to be confident, self driven or what it feels like to make someone else happy anymore. i used to just deal with my depression just like it was a part of me, but it was only last year that i started experiencing depression that made me anxious and taht i couldnt control. My mental state was very severe, and i had a strong compulsion to dash …

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5

Gone Down Hill Since

May 27th, 2009by lostforeveruntillidie

My life all went down hill when i was 13. My dad married my stepmother and she looked at me if I was cinderella. I was told to do everything in the house and when I was finished I was sent to my room. About that time is when I started writing in my Journals and just giving up in life. When I turned 14 on my birthday my dad and I got in a huge fight. He blamed everyones problems on me and he told me hes going to kill himself because of me. That day is when I tried killing myself for the …

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6

The label.

May 27th, 2009by gustercrazy

I became actively suicidal and very BPD symptomatic this last year. I’ve never really dealt with any of the b.s. from my past and it all seemed to come crashing down around me last May.

I don’t know there was any one thing that caused me to break, so much as it was just one thing building on top of another.  Now I have an issue with keeping my head above water.  I’ve managed not to cut since March, but the suicidal thoughts still come.  

It’s bizzare that I have become this person. Someone who doesn’t think much of herself, does not value life, is very …

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5

lost

May 27th, 2009by billy

Does anyone here feel like they’ve lost their way?  Six years ago I had it all – just graduated and landed a great well paid job, nice house and wonderful partner.  I now find myself jobless, single and lonely, and back living with my parents.  I’ve never felt so alone and vulnerable.  All my friends are progressing with their lives, getting married and having kids, whilst I’m regressing into someone I don’t even recognise.  I hardly socialise anymore, it just makes me feel worse.  I’m really scared of the future.  I know that if I continue as I am doing there’s only one way to …

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9

im a nothing

May 26th, 2009by anothing

i sit at school in the computer lab and all i can think to do i look up things on suicide.  I always find pictures and stories and more and more ideas just go through my brain.  Im so sick of my life and i want to be dead. I cant do anything right, i have no friends, my parents hate me , and i have no future.  I think tonights the night.  i just want to get it over with. i can’t wait to get home and finish it once and for all!

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6

Cursed

May 26th, 2009by reggie

Well, most people woud think that I’m stupid, so I dont think it would be a good idea to post my side of the story, because I even told my mom about it but she thinks that I’m crazy or something. Anyway, I been thinking of suicide for a while too.  I felt that there was no use of living anymore when I become depressed because of my sins I’ve commited. Well, most of the times I feel that God doesn’t even care for me because of my past sins. I even tried to repent but still feel miserable and embarrassed. Therefore, I feel if …

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5

Help

May 25th, 2009by painterofmusic

          Everything hurts. The secrets I can’t tell anyone, and no one cares at all. Who do I turn to? How do I say the words to someone, someone I trust, that is going to make them understand? Who would I tell? Who can I trust? How do I get even one minute with them only three days before school is out? I’m going to die this summer. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t stand my life anymore, my mind… I have secrets that are killing me, literally. I’m going to die because I can’t take knowing the things I know. And even …

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5

My platform

May 24th, 2009by mulreay

3 overdoses 2 meant hospital treatment. My left arm, chest and stomach are criss crossed with scars from cutting my self. Every day is a challenge. sorry about the spelling. I came on here to find people who would understand me. But now I ask the question does anyone truly understand me? No or I would not be like this. In feelfor every one of my brothers and sisters going through this and YES you are my brothers and sisters because nobody feels our pain like I do except us.

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1

My Platform

May 24th, 2009by mulreay

As a self distructive person I feel the need to post a message. Iv’e taken 3 overdoses I’ve cut my self stupid my stomach and chest and arms look like a map. I have seen a thearopist. Did not work. What is the point in bringing these issues to this forum? I wanna die so….

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