maybe that’s good thing when i go and sign the paper work and have to face the man who raped me and my first born who was told I don’t want him or love him
All day
I wish you were here.
All day
I cry because of this day, this year.
All day
I think about how better life would be if you were here and my life was shared.
All day
I remind myself that you did it because you were scared.
Right now
I want my Uncle to be alive not dead.
Right now
I wish you were my dad.
Right now
I want to die.
Right now
I cry.
Is there anybody on this site who has been raped? I want to talk to someone.
Is it bad that the first thing I do when I get home from school every day is pop open a beer?
Is it bad that I smoke weed once a week?
Is it bad that every-night I cut myself?
Is it bad that I cry for hours every day?
Is it bad that I dream of death?
Is it bad that I am never happy?
Is it bad that I regret everything I do?
Is it bad that I want to kill myself?
Its Kinda weird how, even when you know its gonna be a fairly good day you still wish to die.
I know that at anytime I could just let it go, for the simple reason of not caring but, i cannot die today.
I hate how people think that you are to afraid to kill yourself so they just torment you about it god. Im not afraid Im just planning, very precisely planning. how it will happen how i will do it. It will be great. I want to go out with style. With Grace.
I hope this train fucking crashes and I burn.
Life is very interesting. When it seems that i got up from shit – bang! New challenges!
I bought tickets to Italy. Spent adorable days there with my bf, sister, friends. Sister is that only one who really cared about me all my life. I trust her 1000%.
Of course, good things never last forever. I landed to my cold dark country. Was missing my job so much.. Couldn’t wait!
And bang ! Got sick. Well, thought i can miss it a week more.
Bang bang! two more diseases!
Bang bang bang!!! Bank blocked my bank account! So now im laying all alone here, can’t […]
So it was my 21st birthday. At least I can now buy all the alcohol I want/need. We went to the only club that played industrial music on a wednesday night. It was a nice place, K___ would have loved it. But no one talked to me. Of course, maybe hanging out with people several decades older than you doesn’t really help. But still, I was totally hoping to get laid.
Of course, I’m not sure if my desire to get laid is mostly out of desire for sex or simply desire for any kind of social interaction. I find myself wishing that my pet rat […]
Jan 12 , 2011 – the love of my life took his life. Its been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. And I have had my share of bull to deal with in my life. From being gang-raped at the age of 17, and a single mom of 2 children. Supporting them by carrying different jobs including escorting. This past year has taken its toll on me. About a month ago I wanted to end my life. I am 37 years old and I would be lying to say it was my first attempt. My first was when I was about […]
Pain and emptiness.
Most people just don’t get it. They don’t understand how someone could possibly want to die. Some of them will post stupid articles or rants about how “dying is totally and utterly dumb and your a jerk if you desire to die” but they lack the understanding. Not everyone is lucky enough to be given a happy life. In a world that is falling apart; a place of immense darkness and corruption, not everyone is so lucky. Many of us find ourselves in the most unfair and worst of situations.
My first friend, lost himself to lust and depression, gave up his dreams, […]
What am i doing wrong? Is it the words i say? The prescene of me being here? What! What! What is going on? This been an horrible week. Had an arugement with one of my friends. Then today i had to more and now i dont know whats gonna happen to me and my bf. And my friend whom i had the horrible arugement left. He left me just like my best friend did. Now we are just two complete strangers. I know now of them. I never seen them in my life. I never commuicate with them. I have no memories of them. What […]
90 xanax and 60 zoloft
All i get is 3days of uninterupted sleeo.
God i hate this world
I was ready to DIE yet. You keep me here
Why? Why? Why?
What i wouldnt do to no longer be apart of it.
All i want is away out of this horrible place is that so wrong???
It’s said to be a painful way to attempt suicide.
If you did survive, what where the side effects, ruined liver ? Kidneys ? What ?
After all the fighting the judge believed the lie’s  my ex’s mother put  before him .He didn’t even request proof. Before I’ll sign my my rights over I’ll be dead. I will not have my only surviving child from my first marriage think I don’t want him. I’ve received threats , calls e-mail letters under the door since 2006. ‘If I try for one I’ll lose all three.” If I don’t walk away anything could happen to one of the kids. Accidents happen all the time.” And I can’t even prove it was them either of them, ex husband or ex mother-in-law. They have money and I don’t.  I have […]
I really need to stop taking these until the day I choose. I wake up feeling pretty good and not suicidal. Thats the problem. I need to stay feeling suicidal if I’m gonna get it done. It’s really hard to kill yourself when your not feeling bad, lol.
Pain
Pain
Oh sweet pain
You come to me in every way
Mentally you crush my thoughts
Physically you cut my legs
Emotionally you destroy everything.
If there were a way to escape your grasp
A way to be free from what you cause me
A way to never again feel your torments
To enjoy what I have
To be happy
I would take that way in an instant
There is a way
To escape you
It’s feared by most however
A way witch most would never dream of
Never think of
Never long for
It’s horrible final way
No way to fix it
No way to change it
It’s everything I want
It’s everything I need
It’s Death
In death there is no pain
There is no feeling at all
Just death
Just […]
These days, i cannot sleep and i would listen to my music of goodbyes and farewells. And i would try and not to cry, but i couldn’t hold it in. Every night has been so difficult for me. God…my life is a waste of time, and it serves no purpose, so why am i still here? There is two battles going on, an that is to not go through with it. And the other is a question of moral grounds. I am sorry for that i have let myself down, and to the people that knows me. How much pain can i really take? I […]
I saw a nature program on t.v. There was A animal traped in a cage. looked sad. Out of it own environment in a small cage. That’s where i find myself.
I’m not going to live like this. I’m not much enjoying it.
So it look’s like i lost this game. (of life) So i can go on like this or end it.
s there a life insurance that covers suicide?
How do you prepare you wife and kids while you still have the chance?
Is leaving a note at all help full, or would it scar others?
what should you do with your belongings?
should you take others with you?
is suicide by cop, the right cop, covered by life insurance?
I’m 17 and have an eating disorder. Last year at school I kind of messed up my exams, so guess this year I need to pull myself together so I still have some chance of succeeding. My teachers keep saying how well I’m doing, how much I’ve improved and how much happier I seem. But I don’t understand how they are seeing such a change because I don’t feel as if I’ve made one. Everything they are telling me just seems so wrong compared to how I feel – and I don’t know whether I should keep going along with it.
My eating has gotten messed up again […]