I just cried in my therapist’s office
I was holding A LOT back, but for the first time in months,
I actually cried.
I just cried in my therapist’s office
I was holding A LOT back, but for the first time in months,
I actually cried.
well for so long ive been wanting to just die and i thought suicide was the only solution to ending all my pain and misery. ive also started cutting again. but no matter how deep or how much i cut the pain never fades away i now know suicide/cutting isnt the answer to being “happy” again its something i need to work on in the inside i guess? i really dont know. anyways everyones telling me i need to be put on medication but i dont wanna have people saying more shit about me than they already do idk i feel like if the word got […]
I had planned on today being the day. I woke when roomate left for work at 6am. I set up the “tank” affixed the line and mask to my face and couldn’t do it at first. I Kept taking it off and putting it back on. This went on for 4 hrs. The last time I put it on, I actually opened the valve and inhaled possibly 2 breaths, I felt a great deal of panic as I felt something was happening, I was on the edge of passing out, yet the panic and heart rate was thru the roof.
I am so freaking scared to […]
I feel lonely all the time. I’ve never been able to make friends since school. I’m never made to feel like i’m part of something. Like I went out in a group and and nobody talked to me and the moment I start talking and trying to be social i’m blocked out and people don’t want to talk to me. I’ve always been an outcast. It’s not like I enjoy being alone. I feel like crying everyday. I used to be able to think positive a little but now I can’t even find the energy to get out of bed at times. I can’t even […]
I haven’t been on here in forever! I missed all of you guys! Literally haven’t since about August? Yeah, August. Well hello!
Life actually sucks for me. I feel like dying still. I’ve been happy and safe on and off but now I know I need to kill myself. Because of my last overdose, I don’t want to do that anymore because of how painful and uncomfortable it was for me. I need a new method. Knives don’t work. I’ve tried cutting and have before but they don’t like making me bleed a lot. I guess I need to just learn.
I’m so lonely. All the kids […]
Dear summer we go together like light days and crisp tees, give me couple of years and I might just peep ya; a couple of years like a random vaca. Tell me summer how you make me feel so good? When we r reunited it feels so good. When you bring the sun up, it makes me wanna pick my gun up and go become a stunna. Fuck it, being a stunna ain’t the same as when I was a peer. I know it sounds weird. I don’t know what happened along the way, but I was never no stunna; I was weird. You know […]
work
go home?..
home 1 – brampton – joelles house(dad’s best friend)
home 2 – toronto – moms house
home 1 is just a room; no access to kitchen, shower, or heat. Joelle offered me a home but neglected to tell that I’d practically be living homeless
home 2 is no room, but access to kitchen, shower etc. My mom has always been a carribean nazi though. It’s always been her house; nerver ours. Her way or the highway, despite the fact that I’d be the primary breadwinner(she works retail, i’m white collar).
I have privacy at Joelle’s to smoke. My mom doesn’t seem to mind my smoking […]
Big mistake.
Her face contorted. “Well, it doesn’t fucking matter, because you’re not going there, anyway.â€
I fucking hate her.
Hydrocodone mg. Hydrocodone overdose. Hydrocodone ups. Buy Hydrocodone in Jacksonville.
I did end up telling my dad. After explaining that it was the best engineering school in the country, he grew excited.
Then my mom talked to him.
I want to fucking kill myself.
I put so much effort into school, so much fucking effort, all for the sake of being able to get the fuck out of this house.
I fucking hate her. I want to fucking kill her.
I am so sick of feeling so trapped. […]
I think about suicide just as much as I think about a lot of other things. I imagine what effects it would have on my family, my husband and my toddler. She would say, “mama! mama!” calling me about the house and my family would have to tell her “mama went bye-bye”, and how sad they would feel to have to say that. And my parents, to have raised me all my life, spent time and money and love to shape me to be the being I am, just for me to waste my life. She was going to get her tubes tied, but changed […]
I began cutting at the age of 14. Got serious and went to rehab and have been ‘sober’ for 8 years now. I remember the joy and pleasure it gave. It’s been a ‘scar’ on my personality ever since and they will never fade. I have made multiple ‘attempts.’ I guess, I never ‘tried’ bit if I succeeded I wouldn’t have minded it. The only think keeping me from it is the shame I bring to my family and the social stigma that comes with the territory of prying eyes. I have been obsessed with death and no light in sight. I feel like today […]
Hahaa the night’s upon me it’s only 8pm here so i have a while o finalize my decision, once again… If i do not post november 1st, I am dead.
I just wish I had more time… But I don’t this was my date, while all the other 16 yr olds are out getting drunk, high, and laid. I alone dying… And I’d have it no other way 🙂
I’m so confused about what I want. Â I’m a 23 year old female and yet I have these strange, conflicting cravings about sex. My boyfriend utterly destroyed my sanity when he left about eight months ago, a grand feat as I was the most stable, sane and normal person I knew. I knew myself so well then… I was a smart, strong, career driven, straight feminist. I had a normal to low sex drive, but I blamed it on the fact that we didn’t live together and it was more difficult to be romantic while my roomates were in the next room. Then, after we […]
one of the few rhymes that I’ve wrritten that I think you SPers might enjoy
what would i be doing if i weren’t getting high?
i’d probably be dead, depression is so sly
think about it, an assassin in your mind
he creeps all about as he wants and divines
new ways to inflict mental torture
until the day that you decide that this is not what you signed up for
you didn’t sign, so you cut down the dotted line
yadda yadda yadda, friends and family found crying
at least no more days will be spent sighing
it’s off to nothing, brain is off, some peace and quiet
smoke on […]
i dont know what i feel anymore. theres pain because i still cry at times, but a lot of the time im just too tired to feel. im starting to think that feeling tired will eventually take over all other feelings, and i dont know what will happen then. ive been thinking about suicide for years, but im always too scared to do it. i dont care about pain or anything that could happen while im alive, im just afraid that once i die, something awful can/will happen because i killed myself.
i dont really wish to be dead, i just wish to put an end […]
I don’t have anything to offer the world so in my mind, I can’t have a woman. I’m consciously throwing my life away because of my philosophical principles. It’s like.. I’ve already started down this road of self destruction. I can’t take it all back and try again.
I mean, I could but I don’t want to. So much effort for nothing really; a permanent place in the friend zone is all anything ever amounts to. I don’t blame them for rejecting me; after all, I’m practically mute. The last time I asked out a girl, I did it via a hastily written letter that I […]
Without a mirror I still see your reflections
Deep inside my heart are dangerous infections
I drink my self made cyanide acid
While igneous rocks are being thrown at her
Does she know i am her?
Does he know he is him?
In this coffin I lay down to sleep
I invite you and your friends
I have seen myself without seeing her
I am her?
I am a figment of imagination.
All eyes have created precipitation.
Por favor,me odian
Please hate me.Please hate me.
There eventually comes a time when you can see with absolute clarity that you’ll never have the life you wanted.
How can anyone have the heart to ask you to keep on living with that knowledge.
Every night I only wish to die. I’ve witnessed much of lifes disgusting corruption and how fate plays its game in twisted manners. I want to die because I dont know who I am anymore. I want to die because thats the only place I see comfort in. I only ask for death, nothing more. Everything has lost its taste, i cant listen to music without getting sick of it in the first 3 seconds, i cant eat well if my appetite is banished. I cant speak my mind if there isnt a point to it..my words flow with the wind, catching someones ear, but […]
So i actually wrote a suicide note and drove to the middle of nowhere but i didn’t go through with it. i love my children too much to leave them alone in this horrible world so maybe after I’ve raised them i can finally bring myself to end all of my suffering. or maybe not i don’t want to really end my life but to search through it, i don’t find anything good enough to keep slave driving myself for any of my dreams because everyone i love interferes with any and every dream hope and aspiration i have had it like if I’m […]
Why do we see suicide as so bad and so awful. I personally believe that it’s one of the most beautiful acts of self love that exists on this planet. We applaud those that risk their lives for others, people who stand in front of a bullet for a loved one or people that put themselves in harms way to protect others. I applaud anyone that risks their lives for others, but I also appplaud those that risk their lives for themselves. People might think that people who kill themselves hate themselves and have no love for themselves, but it’s just the opposite. They cannot […]
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