I’m sick. Â I have tried for 6 years after getting my diagnosis(es) of auto immune disease which causes crippling pain, to deal with this, to try to be as normal as possible, to engage in socializing as much as I can, but my boyfriend told me tonight that I should not tell people that I am sick. Â People ask, and that’s why I tell. Â They see me struggling to get around, to deal with pain, and they inquire as to what is wrong. Â When I try to be accepting of my fate, and rent a scooter at a theme park, he admits that he is […]
So,I could blather on here about my depression (2+ yrs) my empty,pathethic,useless life,and listen to people patronizing me and feeding me lines like “take a walk and be at one with nature” or “reach out and talk to someone” etc etc etc. Im not here to get into that bull. People are reading this because they are depressed and absorbed in theor own stories, or other people want to feel pious and try to “save a life. So lets just skip over that crap and let me say what I want to say.
Here is my rationale about suicide,in general. Some may agree,some not,but its based […]
I will sew your eyes shut so you cant see my pain.
I will cover your ears so you cant hear my screams.
I will bind your hands so you cant touch my heart.
I will push you away so i wont steal your warmth.
I will open your eyes so you can see it’s to late.
I will uncover your ears so i can tell you im sorry.
I will unbind your hands so you can check for a pulse.
I will hold you tight as i die and hope you can finally be happy.
Ya I understand shes scared of me cuz shes afraid im do somethin to myself bcuz she sayz itz over but she dnt really mean itt. I cant change the past of what I did before. The 1st time idid it i waz serious but not bcuz of her bcuz of my best guy friend :/.. i waz so hurt once i found out wat he said. Alot can change in a year I never thought iwuld evr evr have thoughtz bout hurtin myself but ido bcuz ido feel lik mayb she iz forced to be wit me 🙁 I love her and will alwayz […]
Once again I just randomly feel like posting.
I’m thinking about how friends come to me with their problems a lot. I always feel like I fail to help them. Even my friend’s cousin who’s in her 20s came to me. I really don’t know how to help her, she’s in some deep shit. She didn’t do so well in college, shes in debt, no job and has troubles with her love life. She once ended up in the hospital for a suicide attempt and just stopped going to therapy. Honestly, how am I supposed to help her? Whenever she comes to me, I feel like an […]
This pain is inevitable.
Im afraid it will never go away, it’s getting worse everyday. Im really conflicted to ignore the pain and work really hard to get my life on track or just to go through with a painful death. Either way pain is endorsed
The drugs and booze used to take the pain and horrible feeling away mommentarly, which help me compose myself sadness in public. I got out with my friends i dont want fo bring anyone down or annoy anyone with my empty sadness. Well blaze 🙂 ill be Numb for a few minutes but […]
are they reality or fiction. r they gay or broken. we all live each others live living all lives forever. yay you get to be everyone. arent you excited? look at someone and imagine being that life. even objects. imagine being made to live all possibilities all options of how life can go. believe it or not…. victims eternal.
With thoughts of the past i close my eye’s and fall asleep.
The sound of nothingness calms the crushing sea of sadness in my soul.
The final escape from thoughts that i will carry to grave.
My dreams of a better tomorrow swiftly turn to nightmares.
It seems that the sickness has found my final refuge where i store my depleted hope.
The many pieces of my heart that i wish i could take back.
Alone is where i live, The tears i shed my companions.
My companions never leave for long so i can’t understand why im so alone.
3 years ago, I had a friend, Kimberly was her name, she was my best friend, we were suffering of bullying just because I and her liked to dress in black, we were taken as satanic people, people laugh at us, curse us, says that we were going to burn in hell or whatever they believe, we tolerated this for 3 years… until the day she proposed a double-suicide
“No Kim, not going to happen, sorry” I told her, after that, almost everyday she asked me about that, but I didn’t really wanted to commit suicide.
One day, when I arrived her house, she was with a […]
My life has taken a dramatic change for the worse recently… It’s my own fault, but none-the-less it is hard… Harder then anything iv ever experienced… When my life changed, I suddenly found myself alone… Not just without the love that i so deeply desire, but… Without anyone… Why do poeple say that you must learn to be happy on your own before you can learn to love someone else? If you took a couple that was deeply in love, who had both learned previously to be happy on their own, and then tore them apart… It’s not like they would suddenly know what to […]
Just stumbled across this forum and read a few of the posts, and for some reason felt “inspired” to share some of my thoughts. I guess I find it relieving to read other people’s dark thoughts when I spend so much time with my own thoughts of that caliber. Hopefully some of you can get the same sense of relief out of reading this.
Most people would probably say that I have no reason whatsoever to feel depressed, misanthropic or hollow. At the age of 24 I’ve added many job merits to my resume, I come from a loving home, I’m athletic and buff, I live […]
I just took enough pills to kill milwaukee and you assholes want a fuckin letter
i feel like just another sob story whats the point of talking about the past. my councilers say it makes u feel beter me it only brings up old pain. im Carla my biological mom had me in high school. then she had my brother out of high school. my dad was never around. some say i wouldve died if it hadnt been for my greatgramma. she died a couple years after i turned 6. my mom was a junkie her suplier was her boyfriend my oldest sisters dad. he hit her and me and my brother. one time when he was drunk he took […]
Its been three years since I entered this college and I was thrilled that I’d finally be an engineer. My lust for technology, I thought, would be at last satiated. But in these three years, all I got was petty setbacks and failures.
I’m a computer programmer, the best that there can be in this shit place that they call “college”. But no!! No one really cares about what you know here!!! All the retards who just played counter strike the whole time got placed in the campus placements and me, (do trust me when I say) who sat all day in front of a […]
I’m really not in a good state of mind right now, I just can’t seem to get my head clear. You see this new girl got highered at my work and i thought she was cute from the start but I never thought anything of it because well, its work. But a week or 2 later my friend tells me that she likes me so i went with it and we started talking a lot and just suddenly i really fell for her and eventually we hooked up. Then a few days later everything hit the fan…first i come into work and she is covered […]
I know we’re not supposed to talk about methods here and shit, so this post’ll prolly be deleted
but what’s your method of choice? are you combining methods?
mine’s ligature asphyxiation
I can’t breathe. I just wish god would end me right now.
The burden of days
buy another simply to struggle through
weary hand wants to fold, weary back can not hold
wonders the point when there’s nothing new
Contempt for the ways
digging deeper & knowing it’s wrong
much too far from goal, farther still from the soul
is the horizon to come or already gone
The lament of the loss
thought the walls would deflect the hurt
but it all feels like hell in our out of the shell
even the rose ends up rot in the dirt
Resent for the mirror
failed until nothing else can be known
those aspiring demands turned to ash in my hands
Felt inclined to post an update to my wonderful internet diary of sentimental thoughts that drive me insane. Or whatever.
Anyway, so if anyone has been following my story the last few months (please comment if you have, I’m boredddd), I’m on a wonderful self-destructive path to win back the girl that kicked my heart in the ass a year ago exactly, who left me and dated my best friend. Don’t ask; she’s really cute and we have so much in common it isn’t even funny.
Despite screw-ups earlier this month, things are actually going alright. We’ve hit it off again and we skype and talk alot. […]