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BPD, Isolation, Help

  June 29th, 2010 by z

Hello, all. I’m back to write again.

So I reached out and found some resources. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder earlier this year.

I had hallucinations as a child that established my black and white thinking. I never knew what the hallucinations meant, until recently. It all makes sense now. Somehow my brain got hard-wired to think in black and white. (Maybe someone gave me LSD as a child. The hallucinations were so clear and vivid and lasting that I have never been able to forget anything contained in the hallucinations.) And then

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Mrs. Hudson’s Story

  June 29th, 2010 by Violet Blake

I met Mrs. Hudson because of Jimmy. I’d seen her house a dozen times with boards covering the windows and the paint slowly but surely fading away, and I had thought that it was just some old house that no one wanted anymore.

I was wrong.

Jimmy and I were walking down the sidewalk past the high school where he’d just been attending class all day and we’d decided we were going to take a stroll for a little while and just have a nice chat alone.

“Hey Jimmy, why hasn’t anyone bought that house or at least torn it down?” I asked, gesturing up the hill to …

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*READ* Dont Do It

  June 29th, 2010 by GodsHelper

Many people have killed themselves due to depression. Depression can eat you alive, I know what its like being made fun of. Im made fun of because im Asian. What about you? Share your stories in the comment box. I know that every human has potential and can be saved in a heartbeat. Ima pray for anyone who needs it. Think about your parents, imagine the pain you’ll put on them if you kill yourself. If you dont have parents live life to its fullest and meet new people. Travel the world, beauty can change someone real quick. Of youre being bullied tell on them, …

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The Forgotten Place

  June 29th, 2010 by Vincent

happiness lays wasted,

times now dead and gone,

Sadness consuming now,

A heart now dead and gone

Innocence taken, suffocated,

No choices, yourself once hated,

Sadness belonging now

A heart blackened ash,

all that remains

Sorrow flows, a river in my veins

Frozen in time, smiles now faded

lay my head down, this is the cleansing,

a life now void of meaning.

Take a life, grasped in misery

Clutched in sorrow, no way out,

A solution drowned in powder,

Judgment not clouded, shrouded,

I’m Free

A lifeless body on looked by faces

Wet tear streams touch, forbidden places,

A eulogy placed memories erased

Fly on broken wings, to a long forgotten place

A lucid dream, saturated eternal sleep.

A mind no longer plagued,

by a disease of pain

Set free, …

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just thinking and need help.

  June 28th, 2010 by Nikki

The life of a person in school can be horrible and can go one of two ways.
Your one of the popular or your on the fringe. Sadly I’m on the fringe. To those who don’t know the fringe mean the outcast and the ones that the school turns there back too. Ever since the teachers and government got involved the live of people like me have not been better but a horrible plunge in to the nothingness we call life. We go by wondering what it might be like to one of the cool people or we might go by saying ” I …

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Are you sick?

  June 28th, 2010 by Nikki

It sucks when a mom or dad is sick. If you under the age of 30 it seems to be harder. It is worse if you have to take care of them. It is hard to take care of them, go to school and work. What I hate is when you feel alone in the whole deal. When your friends don’t understand that you had to stay up late cause your mom needed you and that’s why you look so tired.I can understand that you feel and believe you are alone. The truth is, if you are reading this then you are not alone. there …

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The Back-up Plan

  June 28th, 2010 by Violet Blake

I think the idea suicide has only one advantage.

It never goes away.

Since I have decided that no matter what happens in the coming years I am NOT going to kill myself, I have had this thought running through my unconscious mind.

“It’s not like the oppurtunity is going to go away”.

It’s not. No matter what happens, the oppurtunity to commit suicide will never go away as long as I am alive. It’s free will, if I don’t want to wait to get old and die then I could just end it myself someday, when I feel like I have lived my life to the fullest and I …

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Horrible nights.

  June 28th, 2010 by Something.

Oh,  I’ m feeling so desperate right now.
I don’t see anything else than this four walls of my bedroom.I mean, no future, nothing.
There is no exit. No one to save me from myself.
I’m so sick of writing about the same stuff over and over again, but I can’t feel anything else.
I need to end it all but I have no how. I can’t stand the idea of pain. Psychologic or physical.
Oh damn. I hate writing this boring stuff but I need to vent somehow.
There is nothing I can do to put myself up, there is no excitment about anything at all.

I was very …

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A little update

  June 28th, 2010 by cloud34156

Hey all 🙂

Now I know that’s not normally how you would expect a post to begin on this site but believe it or not I’m actually quite happy at the moment…I don’t really remember when I actually first came here it was probably about a week or so ago now and believe it or not things have actually gotten worse O.O I know shocker…basically the girl who I’d fallen for today I said goodbye too…possibly forever which is painful…but I dunno I’m feeling okay I guess erm…hmm yeah I’ve actually been thinking a lot lately about the things I wanna do with my life…moving out …

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well then

  June 28th, 2010 by matpilot

alright well i feel better i guess, suicide still no not as much , i think getting help and finding a new place to live , stopped mistreating shit , i feel better, but all i know its gunna take one small thing to make me sad. and then i might lose control i don’t want to but i just don’t know,well thats all .

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  June 28th, 2010 by kaylhaste

i hate my life, i have never been happy, i cut myself to cope with all the bad things that go through my head just to try and get through every day. I just want it all to end……..

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fragile

  June 28th, 2010 by nwinn5

why does it only take one small thing to demolish all the hard work you have done to get to the mental point you are at, at this very moment in time, one hurtful comment or slip in judgement could be the thing than pushes you over the edge, the person could have no idea how you are feeling inside but still chose to say what they feel like. another thing that can sets me off is listen to music that is about relationships, the one thing that used to make me happy now kills me deep inside, but there is nothing I can do …

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Jimmy’s Story

  June 28th, 2010 by Violet Blake

Jimmy Wilder and I used to be best friends when were kids, since we were five years old. I used to be bullied all the time at school and no one ever wanted to talk to me, they all said I was weird because my hair was too long and my eyes were too blue, like I was an alien for being different, actually I guess that analogy makes a lot of sense.

But not Jimmy. No, Jimmy and I spent every waking moment we could together, throwing rocks into the river and making wishes on them, making up stories about giant alligators that would come …

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Oh well.

  June 28th, 2010 by anonymous0424

LOST. One word to describe how I feel. I am down, depressed, confused. I want to know what’s going on. I am beyond the words of stressed and I have practiced pulling the trigger, but if it came to it, could I do it? I have failed once and got a DUI for it. I am nothing but a wimp. A looser and a waste of air. Cremate my body and dump the ashes, I dont deserve my spot 6ft under. I dont want to be this fake person no more. I just want to tell people who ask if everything is okay the truth. …

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The stress and pain increasing to high level

  June 28th, 2010 by Wahunter2008

Today, as I talked to my wife how to save our marriage, I poured out my deepest thoughts to her, as she listened with little or no compassion . My heart just cracked in a millon parts and the small light I did see at the end of the tunnel was destroyed. All the thoughts of ending my life came running back faster than. Ever.

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Does Anyone Else Have Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

  June 27th, 2010 by Tobias

You know, I’ve come a long way with my current therapist. I’ve had so many of them but not once, except with this one, have I ever been fully understood. I think that my problems are very different from others’ so it may have been that that made it difficult to “connect” with previous therapists. Fundamentally, my problems are probably the same as anyone elses. I yearn for companionship; platonic or otherwise. I yearn for acceptance, gratification, fulfillment, a purpose, to be happy, etc.. All of those are rudimentary foundations for humans to desire. What separates my problems from others is my perception of things …

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my unsuccessful (whew!) attempts at suicide

  June 27th, 2010 by Nicole S

I feel suicidal today but not in the ways I have felt in the past. I know this will pass, it does, every time I think I can’t make it another minute, hour or day, I wait. It does pass, I do not want to stop being here, never seeing my dog’s loving face, my kids, the grandchildren I might someday have, never laughing my ass off because I am watching something so funny like The Marx Brothers, or Monty Python, hearing or reading a funny letter or joke. I love fruit, I can’t eat much of it with IC, but the thought of never …

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Cameron’s Story

  June 27th, 2010 by Violet Blake

I’ve been living up in Waterford, Wisconsin with my father for awhile, and while I’ve been here, I’ve met some pretty incredible people who are changing my life every day.

The most important of these people has been a little girl by the name of Cameron.

I met Cameron in one of the most unique ways I’ve ever met another human being, especially considering this one is an eight year old girl: inside a bar.

My father was inside working his magic with the bartender, being all friendly like he always is, and he decided to drag me along that day, so instead of meet all his drunk …

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  June 27th, 2010 by xtofer

This is a great site because it shows that people aren’t alone in having these thoughts.
I just hope there will be less stigma about suicidality. Maybe some day it will be seen as a non-fault situation a person did not want to get into, like appendicitis. I don’t think anyone would choose to be in this situation. There should be no stigma, no insinuation that the person is talking about it to be manipulative, but instead just help.

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Like A Flower

  June 26th, 2010 by Violet Blake

I’ve been thinking a lot about irony lately, and Ive come up with the greatest example of it.

My name.

A Violet is a flower; a beautiful, dark, mesmerizing flower. In fact, it’s a lot like me.

I’ve noticed that a Violet and i have a lot in common, and not just because it’s my name, but because like a Violet flower, I am only in season every once in awhile. I am only actually happy once in a great while, just as the flower only blooms in the springtime when everything is gorgeous and the world seems perfect.

I wish I weren’t a flower, but I can’t help …

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