for many years… lets say half a decade I’ve been alone (on the inside). School obviously became unimportant since the only thing of importance was my desperate search for answers… and those questions were regarding my existence, how life worked… how human societies worked. Sure my research have uncovered many fascinating phenomenons about life itself… but one things remained unchanged all these years. Not only was my desire not welcomed every day every conversation every spoken word that came from my mom’s mouth was in scorn, disappointment, criticism. and just now like 5 minutes ago she made it very clear to me she wanted me […]
I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t deal with my sister’s depression and suicide attempts, I can’t deal with my overprotective parents, I can’t deal with being imprisoned in this house all the time, I can’t deal with all of my dreams being shot down over and over again. I’ve tried so hard to optimistic and strong, but I can’t do it anymore, I’m tired of being strong, I can’t do this by myself. I’ve managed to stay strong for a few months, I’ve just completely broken down tears, I’m at a loss. I can’t stand living here anymore, but I’m on an island […]
I am alone, and want to die. I am sick of this feeling, and everything that goes with it. I am well aware this is all my own doing. I make a bad friend, family member, and an even worse husband. Im a horrable human being. I am not being too hard on myself. Its just time to face facts. Because i cant pretend to be something im not anymore. Its that simple. Ive lost all but 2 of those who are most dear to me, and im probably loseing one of them. And i cant blame. Id walk away from me too. Ive done […]
I feel like it would be better to have not been born. I wish there were an option to just fast forward to death.
So my ex took his life about 3 months ago and I still can’t get over it. I can’t sleep. I have night terrors or dream of him and honestly would just rather be awake it’s less painful. I’m not sure people realize how taking your own life leaves people. I will never be the same person I was before he took his life. I have a sadness that will never leave me. I feel guilt, regret, and sorrow that is unimaginable. I have love and anger towards him. I have so many emotions that I can’t handle. I don’t think this […]
I’ve been replying to people’s posts and I’m getting negative reply’s to my reply’s I’m not gonna do any name calling but there is someone antagonizing me and I thought, wow, even here there are dicks, wow. Thanks guys already want to kill myself thanks for making me feel worse.
everything is so confusing, like one second im fine and the next i want to feel pain, and little stuff sets me off, i feel like my friends dont want me around and i have hard times being around my family. when my mother drinks i become panicie and feel the need to cut. tonight i dont know i just was really upset and i dont see a point to life, you live then die and put up with everything in bettween, i only feel kinda happy like 50% of time if even then i just dont know anymore. im sorry this is really random […]
I just feel so alone. I have literally no friends anymore.. they are all in another state not that I had any to begin with. But I moved away and its REALLY hard meeting people when youre not in school and you work in a 2 person office.. All I have is my dog and my dad and step mom who lets just say have their own lives to deal with. Where do you go when you feel SO alone and like everyone abandoned you? I just dont see any hope in the future, its like its not even worth waking up for because I […]
My entire post was deleted. Was that a sign from god? Who is he? Does he know me?
I’m killing me. and no one cares now that I’m no longer a teen. I wear black jeans and everything is fine. It’s fine cuz I ain’t dead yet. I sure am trying. I don’t care enough to0 stop. 6 binges/purges in one day? Who am I kidding. Somebody would’ve noticed by now if anyone cared. I’m not that fucking great of a liar, am i?
Whatever. whateverwhateverwhateverwhateverwhatever it doesn’t matter because I’m not DOING IT AS QUICKLY AS YOU! Just wait until I get back down […]
I was caught up in a mundane task today at work, you know the kind, where you aren’t really thinking about what you are doing and your mind starts to wander? I don’t remember what prompted it, but I suddenly felt the darkness close in around me like I was losing my vision. My heart was pounding in my chest and a chilling hot sweat broke out all over me. I couldn’t continue the task because of the uncontrollable shaking of my hands. I felt the tears and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I work in a fish bowl. Eyes of […]
I really don’t know what to do to help me feel any better, so I made this to share my story. I’ve cut since 6th grade and and was anorexic in 7th and never had anybody there to help me. I was really bad. I have over 60 scars all over my body and you can see all my bones. I can’t trust myself with scissors or anything with a sharp or hard edge. When I feel embarrassed or need to do something I pretend to stab myself in my stomach, or in my neck, bang my head against the wall, or think of death. I’m afraid if I have a knife […]
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Once there were these evil doctors that decided to fuck with mice because they were bored and speculating about the will to survive and shit. So they took a mouse and stuck it at one end of a plexi glass terrarium, on the other side they placed some food in a petri dish. The mouse ran back and forth in the terrarium, it ate the food; it shit on the floor it played in the food it was all good. Next ze evil doctors put in a plexi glass divider in the middle of the terrarium and separated the mouse from the food dish. It […]
It’s odd. My default mood is, “meh.” The only other things I feel are mild sadness, anger and occasionally happiness. Literally numb to everything. I didn’t cry when I found my cat dead in the garden. I didn’t cry when I found my mother dead in bed. Or at her funeral. Of course I was sad, but I couldn’t feel anything. Honestly, and this sounds stupid, but it upsets me.
When something bad happens I think, “this is really sad” but no emotion comes. All congratulations are completely fake. To even try and celebrate seems fake. I feel less than human. It’s creepy.
I hate […]
Ten to 2 am and I am chilling with bottle of red wine. Thinking deep and trying to make some philosophy solutions for my troubles like being alone or being misunderstood by someone who cannot help me with the right answer on my question. And the question is, “What The **** I can do to make my self comfortable?” I mean i got bed, roof on the top of my head, good people around me, job, money (little bit, but enough for living) and single to be enjoyed by love meaning and all that stuff… But today i am completely depressed. Got no clue whats […]
Over the years i’ve been battling against depression, only to realise it’s been my company through bad times and good times..
it’s indeed hard to wear a smile when yours eyes mirrors how hurt your inner soul is.. putting a mask on when your face reflects all the pain that you are going through..
at the age of 6 i planned to end up my life thinking it is the door to happiness of love i’ve been craving for.. such an innocent angel what do i know about suicide then?
i was beaten, tormented.. no one seemed to care, to the point of me not even believing to love […]
I have no idea what im doing here i find myself checking these sites out night after night trying to find some courage in what ppl are writing like maybe ill find the courage to hang myself or something…but as in life im a ***** in death, cant do anything….cant even go to a fucking store without gettin all messed up. lifes awsome tho right.
Was just interested are there any other interacial adoptees here besides me that is?
In some ways, I feel ashamed to be admitting this to a bunch of strangers on a website , and to be unable to ever admit this to those who are actually in my life . I just feel so exhausted, so sick of living this life . My life just feels like a total lie… I’m living to pursue some sort of feeling of fulfillment or happiness. However , the more time passes, the more hopeless and pointless this all feels to me . I am really reaching the end of my rope here. The thing that I hate the most is I can […]
More bs bs bs everyday with the guy i fought n yesterday he waas looking for me jzt bcuz hiz big bro got beat up n how iz that my fuken problem!!..Last night iwent 2 a football game at my school wit my gf n there he waz tryna start trouble wit me..but tehn after he wanted 2 jump me n ididnt do anythin 2 him..so me n my gf ran out of the school bcuz every1 told us 2 bcuz they were guna jump me n itold her..”If they jump me let them idnt want u gettin hurt ill push u out […]
Never Unloved.
Sounds pretty unbelievable doesn’t it? But it’s true nobody out there is truly unloved.
At least one person out there cares about you, loves you and will always be there for you, no. matter. what.
To prove it… I probably live halfway across the world from where most of you are but I dare say that I love you.
“Psychotic chick thinks she loves people she doesn’t know? Psht!”
Well yep. As crazy as it sounds it’s trueeeeeeee! I love youuuuu! Why? Because everyone deserves to be loved. No matter how hard we try and tend to deny. I learned all this after […]