the first time i logged on here there was a lot of suicide notes suicide pact request questions about methods. not a lot of hope for the stragglers. i dont read the post much anymore the thoughts always filled the site with morbidity . who will die this week of suicide which family will wreck this month? till death due us part. till the afterlife. continue alive.
this morning i woke up and my girlfriend was there lying lifeless the pill bottle next to her. i wrote a note to her mother and father about how much i was proud of who she was. but now I’m left missing her. i didn’t tell them in their notes that i was around her for awhile watching her, undressing her. i took pictures in various posses and kisses her cheek before dressing her for the police. I’m sure i never knew why she would she seemed happy talked a lot was active but i guess she had some harshness in life. i know now […]
I’m pretty sure I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I go from idealizing people I’m close to to hating their guts for no reason. My emotions are always jacked up. I’m paranoid as fuck about other people’s motives. I destroy relationships on purpose and I can’t help it. And I have more than a few self destructive tendencies. A few days ago I “accidentally”? drank to the point where I smacked my head against a wall falling downstairs. I then heard my friend yelling my name and shaking me, but this eventually got fainter and fainter until I suppose I blacked out and became unresponsive for about a […]
Send away for a priceless gift
One not subtle, one not on the list
Send away for a perfect world
One not simply, so absurd
In these times of doing what you’re told
Keep these feelings, no one knows What ever happened to the young woman’s heart Swallowed by pain, as she slowly fell apart
And I’m staring down the barrel of a 45,
I’m swimming through the ashes of another life
There’s no real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45
Send a message to the unborn child
Keep your eyes open for a while
In a box […]
Yeah, not really sure what to put as the title. Anyways, wasn’t planning on leaving a note since there isn’t really anything I want anyone to know, but I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest for whatever reason.
I have two bottles of codeine that I’m planning to shotgun and then wrap a plastic bag around my head. Simple enough. If for whatever reason that doesn’t work I’ll take a quick trip to the Golden Gate Bridge sometime this week and jump (thank god they’re taking so long with those suicide barriers).
As for why I’m doing it…I’m honestly not sure. I made […]
I’m tired of living. I’d end my life but for some reason, I’m afraid I’ll survive. I have no access to a gun, can’t find a suitable place to hang myself… Everyday I watch the train approaching the platform but I can’t jump. Tried to jump off a bridge but my body won’t follow… I have a couple of helium tanks (sold as a party balloon pack), but I’m scared I will wake up. It takes a special ‘mood’ to muster the strength of ending your own life. While I think I could use the exit bag method, I don’t know if I could stand […]
Today I woke up drained.
Drained of energy.
Drained of life.
Drained of happyness.
Drained what a total drag.
Today Im dragging everything.
Dragging my heart.
Dragging my soul.
Dragging my emotions.
Dragging my thoughts.
Today I feel alone.
Alone in my mind.
Alone in my heart.
Alone in this room.
Alone everywhere.
I’ve been seeing a psychologist lately. I was totally agianst it at first, but then I thought what the hell, life is crap already what else could go wrong. She told me that if she needed to she could have me admitted to a psych ward…WOAH! hold on! that would only make me feel shityer! I would have everyone breathing down my neck and I would be a lab rat that people just watch all day. I dont think I can talk to her anymore. she scares me and thats not how I want to feel as I went to her to feel comfortable and […]
hi… My name is zero and i really feel stupid and weak. Like no one cares. I’m in grade 6 and everyone hates me. They threaten to kill me they call me names and exclude me from everything. Even in the class portrait, they kicked me so I fell out of the picture. I don’t look the best… I try to cover it up by thinking i’m cool but at the end of the day. I know i’m just a loser. I cry almost everyday from the bullying. They say things like “Suck it up, puss!” and “You just never came out right didn’t you?”. […]
Let me tell you about a little event that happened that has me thinking about killing a guy. Now I haven’t felt homicidal sense 7th grade but this guy just brings it back to me. At the begining of July I went on a trip with (blank) people. there was 11 of us. 2 females and 9 guys. There was this one guy named martin that I (HAD) an interest in. We hung out for most of the trip and were kinda in to each other. He tried to get in my pants like every other guy I know and I repeatedly turned him down. When we got […]
Surround me only after I attempt.Surround me when I don’t need you the most.Surround me when I wanna be alone.Surround me when I don’t want to hear people.I believe all I want to say is GET THE FUCK AWAY!
I just realized that it’s almost been a year since all the things happened with Briana, with me being interested in her, to us actually having a “thing”, then when she kicked my heart in the ass and dated my best friend.
That started happening around late november if I remember correctly. I’m just not going to get into it. The worst part is I’m going to be remembering all of this shit starting now and it’s going to be a horrible winter because I’ll revisit everything bad that happened only a year before. It’s felt like a bloody lifetime getting here but  at the same […]
Hi guys, most of you know me by now (unless I haven’t posted for THAT long?), but I guess I’m just here to say that I am ready. I won’t promise that tonight is the night because something could get in the way… But I know how I want to do it and I DO have the supplies I need to do it. I think if one more thing goes wrong (meaning if somehting else makes me feel shittier) I’ll do it. I don’t deserve the boy. I don’t deserve to be able to put someone through what I put the […]
Life is a path to Nothinggggg, I hate it. Soo what, suicide?
Am I crazy?
I cant seem to write anymore. Everytime I do I get mixed up. Most will think well you wrote this…but thats the thing. It is taking days to right this. Saddness is over running me and were I thought I had it worked out, I dont. I started popping again. For now it just bars. Hell I am thinking about goin back to weed. Everything seem to be bet……….i did care if people called me a slut or a whore. I didnt care if I had no friends…if u were a stoner people just were ok with u and thats all I […]
Ok so yesterday and all of summer I wanted to end my life, Just today I’m coming  up with ways to get better and be successful, maybe school played a part. because as I was in my classes i kept thinking how in 2 years, they won’t matter, We all go our own separate ways! and I’ll never have to see them again…ever It’s comforting when you keep thinking that way instead of a suicidal way.
Unfortunately I am still most likely going to kill myself, but not any time soon, I’m gonna try and if life doesn’t work out then… we’ll see right?
It’s been a year since you took that final decision … in memory I decided to post your favorite song for anyone who might care.
I’m sorry I couldn’t have helped, couldn’t have been there for you. I’m sorry I never knew.
I’ll never forget, rest in peace my friend…
Wake up to a sunny day, not a cloud up in the sky
then it starts to rain.
My defenses hit the ground
and they shatter all around, so open and exposed.
I found strength in the struggle
Face to face with my trouble.
When you’re broken in a million little pieces
and you’re trying but you can’t hold on anymore,
every tear falls down for a reason.
Don’t you stop believing in yourself
when you’re broken .
Little girl don’t be so blue
I know what you’re going through,
don’t let it beat you up.
Hitting walls and getting scars
only makes you who you are,
Only makes you […]
i’m going to do it tonight. idk how. probably jump in front of a train. Goodbye Cruel World.
I am just way too tired right now.
I’ve figured I can’t fight anorexia, I can’t fight bulimia, I can’t fight my depression or anything.
It’s living hell and I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve tried, I really have.
I went to church, I took pills, I went to therapy, I talked to my husband. But apparently church is just for the good people, pills are a joke and therapy is just stupid. Everyone I try to talk about treats me like I am just some sort of spoilt teen who knows nothing about life. Think whatever they want, I am beyond the point […]