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4

Vanished Dreams

  July 3rd, 2009 by osuterry

  I thought my life would be extraordinary. I have looks, intelligence, and charm, yet it all went so wrong. I started puberty at an alarmingly young age-when I was 10 I looked 16. This really upset my father, so he decided to deal with it by putting loads of pressure on me to excel and by saying hurtful comments about my appearance and life. This shredded my self-esteem, causing me to spend my high school years scared and lonely.  Then my freshman year of college, I met a 400 pound guy who was flunking out of school and decided to hitch my wagon to …

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2

How Much More Can I Take?

  July 3rd, 2009 by FallingApart

I finally feel like im getting somewhere and im better and then i so suicidal again. its crazy… then the next minute i feel fine like everything will be ok. like nothing matters. like everyone does care. but as soon as somehting goes wrong or i get tired i can so low its impossible to take it. its been 3 years now. councillin n medication have worked a bit.

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5

Six more months

  July 3rd, 2009 by choffelder1029

Well ive finally been able to choose and i decided on suicide by hypothermia.  Im not sure why but something about it seems very appropriate for me.  Ill go out into the woods where no one can find me, lay down in the snow and wait.  Ill probly bring my ipod.  Music is the really the only thing thats kept me going.  I dont want to die in silence.

The downside of course is im going to have to wait five/six more months.  Im hoping they’ll be pleasant though, knowing each day is actually getting me closer to my last.

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0

Dreams into life

  July 3rd, 2009 by darkgermandeath

I’ve had my girlfriend write down some of the things i say in my sleep and some other things i DO!! This is right out of the book >Well obviously it starts in ohio i cant remember it all ,but heres a few thing’s”at times he has dreams that i am cheating or being very flirtacous.so he’ll call me a whore,slut,stupid whore,Then he has gotten so angry in his sleep over me that he will elbow me in the ribs.He has also set stright up in bed and pointed towards the closet and in German said “das sweatter ich nicht gut”which means the sweater

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5

Just Waiting

  July 2nd, 2009 by skittles1104

I’ve always known that I was depressed.  But i put a good wall and hid it from everybody.  At a glance, nobody would guess how rotten and dead i feel inside. I’ve read websites for “help” but honestly, I dont want help.  I’ve been depressed and suicidal for so long.  I have never felt wanted or truly happy.  If at one point I was happy, everything would soon come crashing down.  And I’d be in my bed crying myself to sleep, reaching over to get the scissors and start cuting on my arm.

Just like today.  I was truly excited to go on a vacation with …

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3

Fake

  July 2nd, 2009 by Jeane

It’s so messed up. I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I guess the reason I want to die is because metaphorically I’m dying inside already, and I want life to end before I’m dead in there.
I’m an angry teenager too young to be classified as a teenager. The pain hurts. I want to cut myself like I did before when I had no reason to, and now I have reasons to and somehow I can’t bring myself to do it.
My relatives hate me because I’m silent, “unfilipino”, different. I can’t count how many times I’ve seen them ignore me. Ironically, I’ve

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4

What now?

  July 2nd, 2009 by MrPayne

The past 18 months have been difficult. Lost allot of things, cars, house, jobs, wife miscarried etc. Then in March my wife’s email was open and saw that she was into a couple of online relations with other guys. They were pretty explicit. One was local and they had made arrangements to meet. I called her on it. At first she lied about it, then came clean. We discussed it. I forgave her but can’t get it out of my head. Our relation ship was the last failure that broke my back. Life just seems to be unbearable. I love my wife very much and was …

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4

Nothingness

  July 2nd, 2009 by HopelessBear

It’s not that I feel too much. . . it’s that I feel nothing.

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5

Better next time

  July 2nd, 2009 by breathtakingDeath

I’ve been my practically my whole life in fear and revulsion of gays. Growing up, I never knew why I  never knew why I hated them so much, especially older, white gays. Whenever they were around me, I would start sweating heavily and try to get away. If I couldn’t get away, if for example I had to attend a meeting and they were there, I would look for trouble and try to antagonise them. This is not in my nature, so I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me. I knew it wasn’t some latent homosexuality in me, because what they did disgusted me and …

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3

The Phone Call That Saved My Life

  July 2nd, 2009 by gloomy357

Dena does know about all the times I’ve cut myself, and all the times I’ve tried to kill myself. She’s drilled into my head that she loves me,and life is worth something. I hope all of you know you have something or someone to live for.

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0

Suicide young prefromers

  July 2nd, 2009 by darkgermandeath

 The very first time i had ever cut  my self on purpose was when i was 11 with a shaving razzor I saw my sister that was visiting from Tennessee kissing my nieghbor and i dont know why I felt even that young that cheating on someone was and is wrong but i remembered my brother telling me something about cutting helps some times so i grabed my dads shaving razzor and broke it apart and started cutting downward pretty deep it stang for a while and kept stinging for days but after i thought about it in some way it did help so i …

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0

veteran

  July 1st, 2009 by gimpygardner

I’ve only read a few days of posts, & I’m kinda hesitant to add mine, but here goes…I can remember when I was happy last-up until the day my mom pushed me away when I was giving her a hug, saying my sister was wondering if I was a lesbian. I might have been 8. After that I dreamed of being away-camping somewhere & I would lay in the backyard going thru catalogs for the gear I’d need.  I always used to have so much love I couldn’t contain it.  Within a couple yrs I climbed to the patio porch & threatened to jump.  I …

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17

Boredom is death

  July 1st, 2009 by susan5

Hey,

I haven’t posted here before.  Actually, I feel a bit out of place among all the angst-filled teenagers and people who have real problems and shit like that.  What’s my problem?  Hard to put down in words, I guess, though I spend a lot of time trying to do it.  I’m 33, I’ve lived a comfortable, middle-class life with kind, if emotionally-distant, parents.  Did well enough at school.  Went on to university.  Expected to “achieve” something.  But, really, something was wrong from the start.  I write this, because, I don’t know, maybe there are other people in my situation out there.  But, I don’t know, I …

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8

Helpless.

  July 1st, 2009 by Jess66

I don’t know what to do anymore. Last night I sat there in my room in my closet with the scissors to my wrist cutting.. not very deep. and i just kept imagining me going a little bit deeper and slowly dying. I don’t WANT to do. I want to escape what I’m feeling and I can’t find a way to do that, my only outlet is death. I try so hard to be stable it’s like I’m either SUPER happy, SUPER sad, or SUPER something and all I do is get yelled at for it by my mother. I’m trying so hard I don’t …

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8

I’m Helpless At This Point

  July 1st, 2009 by CJ

I really can’t take this anymore. I’m sorry to all of you who take offense to me, since you all have real legitimate problems that I want to help you with if it weren’t for my own selfishness and self loathing got in the way. I’m sorry.

I hate my family. I always try to see the good in people rather than be a total pessimist, but I am always proved wrong. I hate how my father comes home everyday piss drunk. I hate how my little brother is treated like a king when he acts like an asshole 24/7. I hate how my older brother …

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2

even at the Top im at the bottom

  July 1st, 2009 by darkgermandeath

When i feel im doing something good with my life something happens that shoots me into the ground.Being the youngest of five most would think i would be the babyed one the spoiled little bastard that gets what ever i ask for.And where i have received the things i had wanted im told its just because im the baby one,not that i had done something good enough for a reward.Always being told that beauty is the only way you’ll make in the world is depressing when you find your self disgusting at times i will act as if im happy so i dont bring …

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3

explaining….

  July 1st, 2009 by nate

i posted here once before… but i did a really bad job of explaining… i basically told what has happened to me, but thats not really all that needs to be said….. its just frustrating when you want to die, you are hurting so much, and the people you turn to just start blaming themselves and apologizing…. its also really stressful when you have to help the two closest people in your life go through the exact same thing as you, and see them suffer like you do. i think i die a little bit inside whenever one of them begs me to let them …

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15

only the small prob.

  July 1st, 2009 by emily25

So the drugs have worn off. My stomach still gets nautiated when I move too much and I have a really bad head ache after I eat. But I am acting more like myself now. Faking smiles and laughts as usual. Well, untill everybody goes to bed anyways. Now I am back to thinking of ways to kill myself without it looking like I did it or pin anyone else on killing me. I don’t want to hurt anyone :/
I almost broke up with my boyfriend today. Ha never even texted me. I’m tired of always being the one to text first. He can be …

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2

I don’t even know why i’m here…

  June 30th, 2009 by Aerowin04

I don’t feel comfortable talking about my life, even behind a veil of anonymity. Not yet any way, But after a long road i’m now living with my Girlfriend, going on 2 weeks now. We’ve been together 10 months. 10 months of only seeing each other every other weekend, so its a nice change.

I thought i got over this a while ago, after 3 attempts and a long spiral everything seemed to be looking up. i joined the Navy(  i was later separated because I “might” have ADD( their words not mine) i at least tried, which is much more than many others can say. …

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6

last papercut

  June 30th, 2009 by lastdose

Too deep to hurt,
yet too painful to ignore,
i try to forget,
but there’s blood on my floor.

screaming inside,
but mouth swollen into a smile,
i sing a song,
cause i know I’ll be here awhile.

it stings and it burns,
like fire among us,
but don’t worry at all,
i won’t make a fuss.

if you see me lie here,
just laugh and walk away,
because some things are just too fast to see,
and for a mistake you will pay.

I’m shattering inside,
a heart of broken glass,
yet with each new strike,
the pain starts to pass.

as I’ve told you before,
my mouth is swollen shut,
so with my hands i write,
my last paper cut.

-anonymous

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