I have it all planned it: take the whole bottle of pills, my depakote , tylenol, klonopin, benadryl, mix with a little alcohol and off to the woods I go with a bag to place over my head….that way no will find me until its over with. I will finally get away from myself. You see people may have hurt me and abused me but in the end it was all me I have hurt myself too much and I am done. I cant handle my diseases the meds dont work and I am a horrible person for the way I act. I lock myself […]
im fed up w/ feeling this way
Let the sadness fade into anger
Not directed at anyone in particular
Take it out on ME
Cause a painful death
Maybe causing myself agony will show em all I wasn’t looking for an easy way out
I had a dream about my suicide and I said if I am friendless and lonely if my parents still hate me and if I found God I would commit suicide.anyways the dream.I was at my locker and my friends were ignoring me but I never took it to thought then we were at the lunch table and they were talking about me right in front of my face then they said get out of our group we never wanted you here(my fear of friendlessness was coming true)2Dream I was in my room then my stepmom came in and started yelling about my room and […]
I sit here all alone, by myself
Waiting, hoping, wishing someone will come along
Im putting my life up on the shelf
I dont want anymore and Im done
Life sucks so much and its not getting any better
I give up on everything, knowing I havent won
Theres so much life isnt worth living for
Pain, suffering, dissapointment
Oh and theres much more
Its all a big lie
There is no love, and no one cares
So I sit here waiting, hoping, wishing… to die
there are billions of people in the world and i still feel so alone. my mom, the one person supposed to love me, my own flesh and blood, hates me. no this is not an exageration if anything an understatment. she has abused me since i was 6 years old physically, emotionally and sexually. she hit me, kicked me, threw things, beat me with extension cords, drowned me in the bath tub, suffocated me with plastic bags, stuck her fingers into my vagina with hot sauce, did so many things but thats not even the hard part. growing up like that you can take the […]
(I’m sorry for this rant but I’m really pissed still)
First of all, it would be great if they could get their facts straight instead of just assuming that they know all the answers.
I DID NOT RUN AWAY. When someone runs away, they usually take their stuff with them due to the fact they won’t be living in the same place anymore. All I brought with me was my mp3 player. The reason I left was because I was upset because my boyfriend and I were arguing about my self harming. I left so I wouldn’t lock myself in […]
It’s too late now. No use and putting out an amber alert. I’ve been missing for years. No need for a funeral cause I’ve been dead to you for years. Remember all the times you weren’t there to wipe away all my tears? To go into my closet and ward off all my fears. Under the bed and in my closet. That wasnt a monster that was just me. And the girl I would grow to be. Where were you when I had to walk home alone. Collecting rocks for when I would play skipping stones. All by myself in the backyard. Where were you […]
Does anyone else feel awkward around people who know how you feel or that you’ve tried to kill yourself when things related to suicide come on T.V.? Because I dread depression medication commercials and shows that I know could have suicide in them when my family is around. It just feels so awkward. I hate it. Like tonight I watched a British movie called Chatroom with my sisters and I couldn’t leave because then they would know that it made me feel awkward. I’ve never talked about my attempt with anyone except my counselor (and some of you guys, obviously) and even then we didn’t […]
Just kill me
drill a hole
through mine head.
Or suffercate me
with a pillow.
Do everything you can
to put me six feet underground.
Watch me bleed
as my heart slows down.
No hospital
can save me now.
No one
can do anything now.
I want to close
my eyes
and sleep.
Cause now…
I’m finally dying.
Thank you kind person
for throwing my troubles
away.
I don’t know what to do. I feel like all I do is disappoint people. From the friend who thought I was ignoring her/neglecting her while I went through nursing school but failed to talk to me about it. To me parents who let me still live at home(at age 24 almost 25) while I look for a job even though I’ve been out of school for almost 6 months and no one hires new nurses with no experience. I see no light at the end of the tunnel all I see is failure. Maybe I should have gone for my BSN instead of me ADN(Associates […]
I feel caged up inside my everyday emotions
Hiding behind a mask
I can’t remain hidden.
I fool myself.
I make things happen
Fate decides my pain.
Maybe it’s for the better
Maybe it’s for the worse.
Who knows.
My mask is made of pure silver
It hides the crystal.
That hides beneath my eyes.
It is all about hiding.
I show no true colors.
I show no more feelings
I am dry as a desert.
Who am I fooling ?
Myself.
Who wants to believe it ?
Only me.
I make this complicated.
I’m even crying in my sleep.
Sweat pours from my body.
I fight the demon inside me.
I fight my every move.
Every decision I make.
It turns my life upside down.
Yet I make them […]
Okay,
So I have a boyfriend
He is a strong Christian.
I love this guy to deathh
And I am a Christian too, now.
But now… Well, for a long time, I have been (as called) a slut, a b*tch, trashy, emo, stupid, and worthless (as I stated before… It’s what I’ve been called)
I have had sex. I have had MANY bad experiences. I have never dressed appropriately (until I met my boyfriend, that is), I get in fights all the time, I curse like a sailor, and I smoke and drink.
Well, I used to.
I have been trying to change for a very long time, to make myself better, so […]
So what.There are millions of people who have abusive parents physicalverbalemotionalneglectfulreligious. Doesnt Matter. there are scores of people who have eating disorders donteateattoomucheattoolittlevomitbingepurgelaxativesexerciserunrunrun. Great Fantastic. And plenty of people with self destructive behavior runtoomuchdrinktoomuchcuttoomuchsmoketoomuchcrackheroinshoppingsexisolation. And there’s just not enough fingers on the hands of everyone in Los Angeles to count how many are depressedsuicidaltiredangryrepressedabused
bipolarschitsophrenicaxietyaffectedhurtblamedscarred.
Or what about all the people repressed by their society blamedfiredhuntedbeatenbulliedteasedhassledthreatened
disbelievedburiedliedtolockedupframeddecievedforgotten.
I’m not any different. I’m not any worse off than probably 1/3 of them and probably better off than 1/2 I’m probably more screwed up than 1/6 of them and probably more depressed than 1/4. Â So what’s my volatile gut wrenching tear […]
I wish someone would see. Why is everyone so blind? I just need someone to save  me…
I feel pretty embarassed to even be typing right now.I’m single. I have a great job. A great family. Decent looks. Good health. So why do I think about suicide so much? I guess it’s because I’m so afraid of life…in general. Definitely afraid of getting hurt in a relationship so I don’t even make an effort to make one happen. I constantly compare myself to others and I think that’s my biggest downfall. It saps me of confidence and focus and drive. It’s pathetic. I’ve read some of the other comments posted on here about ending it all and looking at how hard other […]
They use my problems against me,
Like Im some evil thing,
Just because I want to die,
doesnt mean I dont deserve to live,
why do you look at me like I am a disease,
You cause me more pain than you can see,
I slice my arms to stop the pain,
I take the pills and wait,
wait for it to be over,
wait for my freedom,
but then I wake up,
and realize that you have stopped me once again,
you hate me anyways so please just let me go,
you judge me for my pain,
just let me go
Please dont stop me next time,
dont take the bag off my head,
no need to call the ambulance,
just let […]
Why can’t i not just end it all?
Why couldnt i just drown?
Im sick of life
im sick of the people who surround it.
This place just makes me sick
i just want to bang my head
on concert so i can bleed.
I dont need cutting
when i have a brick wall
down in my basement.
I really dont want friends
they are in the way.
I dont even want family
i really dont want anything.
I rather be alone
then to be with people
who will end up leaving me.
Who cares about their feelings
they dont know what i am going […]
I have always been a believer in doing what “feels right” and going with it. The moment I met him, I knew I was going to fall in love with him. Something changed within me. I felt it throughout my body, throughout my entire self. It out was a tangible feeling of knowing, of rightness. I had always given the men I had taken interest in nick names just for fun or so I could talk  about them around all company. Men before him had been called “ghost face killer” or “two face” so this was much different, his nickname was “soul mate.” He lit up my life, he was the […]
Im dying. Dying from lonliness. Dying from the pain that everyone has brought to me. Dying from knowing that N0B0DY wants me. Dying because I know that I will probably have zero friends my whole life. Dying from everything ive been through. Dying on the inside. Wont anybody save me?
-End
I’m no good with expressing ma feelings n words…but right now this is how im feeling….
You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?
You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love enough to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains […]