This loneliness is gonna kill me
I’m very curious as to how a person seems unable to tell if someone else is very drunk.
Sometimes I just want to scream at him – tell him to open his damn eyes and see whats right in front of him, but I know what will happen if I do that so I keep my mouth shut… well i try…but I often resort to sarcasm. He can’t even see how depressed I am. No matter how much I talk about death and the fact that I am not going to be around much longer..it just goes right over his damn head.
It’s been a long seven months not being able to see his face.. what could have gone wrong .. I Received a call from my best friend who had been his girlfriend for over a year. “He’s missing ” as she was crying , i didn’t know what to say all that came to me was my mind thinking maybe he had ran off somewhere. Her response ” His bag ,phone and everything else were found at the bridge” I was in utter shock.. she said goodbye. That night i was on my way to my grandparents to go on a camp retreat the next […]
Happy Father’s Day, Dad.
To all =]
Such a badass song. Best suicide song ever.
My legs are dangling off the edge
The bottom of a bottle is my only friend
I think I’ll slit my wrists again and I’m
Gone, gone, gone, gone
My legs are dangling off the edge
A stomach full of pills didn’t work again
I’ll put a bullet in my head and I’m
Gone, gone, gone, gone
Gone too far yea I’m gone again
It’s gone on too long tell you how it ends
I’m sitting on the edge with my two best friends
One’s a bottle of pills and one’s a bottle of gin.
I’m twenty stories up, […]
I have had enough of my life. I have Bipolar and the lows are killing me- I know I want to ctb asap. I like the idea of an exit partner ie being with someone like minded , with the same goal, in my last hours, mins and seconds- entering into death with someone else is appealing. However, I wonder whether I will be responsible for that person’ s death? Whether if they haven’ t met me they would have found a solution in life? Can my conscience live with it if it follows me in death? Maybe it doesn’ t matter because it looks […]
and I don’t know what to do.
Is it comforting memorising phases in your life?
mirroring lights in the eyes which mirror not the demon behind.
Thoughts that scare in all their flight and finality,
and take a life, to give another back again.
The rain pours nand still the burying sounds echo within.
Never to be able to come out, out of the shell surrounding.
Outside the wind blows forcefully
and the resonance is deep,
showing, revealing, the nightmare which implores in vain to be let loose,
and yet, fancy free some people walk and never tread such a milestone as this,
and how the demons destroy our existence, never deploying to set us free.
Voices constantly in the distance reaping and […]
Suicide maybe a painful deed,
travelling along a road of torture.
To heaven amongst the fields so gold-
or hell: a dream that depression leaves.
An expression of beauty- laid before the darkest dreams.
Beloved cease to amaze the lived
but open eyes and honest spirits- where the dead,
serene,belong in the hands of the gods.
Alas, a journey free begins,
where souls, liberated, are able to release emotions deep,
so cry my lass, at last the truth can be spoken,
amongst thy friends who sleep in peace.
And peace, a dream that is found so rare
becomes a symbol of everlasting sleep, a feeling that lies in the hands of the dead,
who once were hurt and at […]
“Battles”
Cursed by my imagination,
teaming with echoes of situations.
I do not feel well, pressed beneath this spell.
Polishing my social skills,
with one more drink, and two more pills.
I do not feel good, I thought by now I would.
But then again.
It’s like one thousand paper cuts,
soaked in vinegar.
Like the battles with yourself,
that leave you insecure.
It’s all just a numbing charade
Until the day you finally wake up,
and you’re not afraid.
Bound by my own disposition,
the endless hunt to find fruition.
I’m insatiable, even if my cup is full.
My sore throats, are now routine.
I’ve got to […]
Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here’s not right today.
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia’s all I got left
I don’t know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed
But I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
It’s like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)
So I know that when it’s time to sink or swim
That the face inside […]
So, I kind of need to vent to someone. I don’t know what about. So I came on here.
I am very doubtful about love. It’s not the most important thing in the world. But I want to know how it feels. I wonder if I’ll ever find it. Does everyone?
I am also afraid of the future, everyone is. But, I’m scared that my future will be crap and that nothing will ever get better and that I won’t be able to do the things I want.
Ugh, it seems like I’m going on about nothing important, I’m trying to figure out why I can’t tell people […]
Rogue Shadow… My dad made me believe in god for so many years. I only wanted to make him proud, then I got bullied and saw the truth, I ended up hating it so much. I tried my best to stop listening. I rebelled, and he beat me for it. He decided to take full force on me to get me to listen. Then, after a month, he broke. He gave up trying to make me something I didn’t want. He gave up on me in a way. Over these few days, I learned that there’s still a such thing as a conciounce and I […]
Over the past year I have attempted suicide a good 8 times, and each time unsuccessful. Each time I tried was an actual attempt, but they were all ways that were left to chance and I was to stupid to make a gaurentee exit strategy.
Luckily, living near the ghetto helped out enough that I found a small ruger lc9, (or was it a lcp?), laying on the ground with 5 hollow tips loaded. I plan on writing my apologies to my family, but the one thing I am afraid of is that the gun may not kill me, even with the bullet aimed in […]
Do you ever have a feeling that your just wasting your time. That everything around you is suddenly suffercating you with a pillow. So much caring is like a bad thing is you think about it. So many people crowding you till you have no space life. I’m not afraid although i always face fear every day. I just want to infleck harm against myself. Smash mine head against a wall or a window. Using glass to jagger up mine neck. Gun shot to the chest or head even. Maybe just maybe i could even do what i was going to do… drown myself. Just […]
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“Numb”
I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
[Chorus:]
I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I’m becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Can’t you see that you’re smothering me,
Holding too tightly, […]
When I finally think I’m happy, something always goes wrong. I can never get anything right. I keep struggling uphill in the pouring rain and hail without a coat and I expect to win. Sometimes I’ll get a few steps up, but something always sends me tumbling back down. I really should stop expecting things to change because they never do. But for some reason, I can still hold on to hope even though it hurts me more in the end. I don’t even know what I’m trying to gain from writing this. A small release from the pain? Except that never goes away fully, […]
all these feelings swirling around, and it just keeps growing. Had a good Saturday. Golf w/ dad, brother, and son. I’ve got to get up Sunday and try to have another good day. I’m scared. Good days give way to bad days. Always. Joy is fleeting. Why is sadness so persistent? It takes so much effort to make a day good. I’m tired. I can’t keep pushing every day. I fight to stay happy. These feelings well up inside. It’s all about effort. Will power. Struggling. Demons break into my heart. Sinister. Destroyers of light. Darkness grows. Envelopes me. It has, it will, trying to […]
I cant last much longer. theres nothing left. my heart isnt broken, it is completely destroyed. i feel nothing but pain, emotional pain. the physical pain, which mostly comes to me because i subject myself to it, i have come to enjoy. nobody cares about me. when will my life end? not soon enough. my life is like a nightmare which i never awake from. i look around. i see everybody laughing. happy, enjoying themselves. i envy their happiness. everyone is in a big group talking. i am the one on the outside. exiled. isolated. i have no friends. people i know, they consider me as their […]
I’ve been through hell with my friend jumping off a bridge , my parents divorcing, and the world working against me , but i managed to stay strong i always knew it was never the solution so if there is anyone out there please message me meggypoo_cutie@hotmail.com i’d like to talk to you who feel alone cause i was once there i never attempted to hurt myself i never gave into drinking or drugs none of these things are the answer i am the same girl i was since i started to show personality <3