just something ive been thinking about. i want to love and be loved back. i want to have friends. i want to get married. i want a girlfriend. i want to not be lonely anymore. i know i will never have any of these things. so i made a new list. i want to finally get the courage to cut my wrists, the real way. i want to be alone forever. i want to walk aimlessly around in the pouring rain by myself as long as possible. i want to cry every day, whether its crying myself to sleep and waking up with tears still in […]
hey, ive been viewing this website for quite awhile now. reading everyones stories and thinking about what theyve been through. how theyve felt. and what drove them to consider suicide. i wll try to tell you my story and how i got here. its going to be a long one so brace yourself..my classmate gave me her number and i didnt text her till mabye a month later. i was so bored and i started looking through the contacts. curious, i texted her. at first it as akward becuz we didnt know eachother. but after a few deays we became friends. over a longer period […]
It’s heavily storming right now and my room is illuminated by the frequent lightning.
All I want to do is to go out into the rain and drive down to the shore.
I imagine myself on the beach, embracing the rain and digging a metal rod into the sand.
Holding on, waiting for the light to take me away.
So, the pressure in an industrial ******** tank is actually 200bar. The flow fitting that i am buying for a Helium tank should work perfectly. I have pictures of the companies hydrogen tanks, and it’s a perfect fit! No reason to suspect ******** would be any different. Size is also quite nice. Fits nicely into the backtrunk of an averadge taxi. Still enough ******** there to “knock me out”
The people in the store where i rent the gass will ofcourse ask me to buy some of there fittings. However that should not be a problem(“God! I didn’t know the fittings cost THIS MUCH!”)
Yes, things are […]
I’ve been clawing at my face. Â Digging my nails into it and saying, “Go ahead and rip it off, rip off your ugly fucking face so no one has to ever see it again.” Â I just want to break everything reflective so I don’t have to look at it either.
Im not slipping on ice
im not slipping on water
It seems more like
im slipping on glass.
The sharp martial
gab deep into
mine fragile skin.
Its points…
are sharpen like
an kitchen knife.
Stab Stab Stab
as it feeds on mine flesh.
As the blood sleep out
like an overflow waterfall.
Im not slipping on ice
im not slipping on water
i guess tonight was the night
that i had finally fall.
My secrets are hidden in a pandora shaped box waiting for that one day to come in which it can be unlocked so my soul can escape and I can pull back the curtain of fabrication that others call life. Not a matter of what purpose it should serve and how it’ll end but the actual purpose. Always running away from our problems. Guess that’s why they call it the human race for humanity’s sake they tell us to not ask questions. Silence so loud for it has no company. Watching and observing my surroundings. The people and the places they choose to go. But […]
I’ve been struggling with depression since I was in middle school. I was diagnosed after I tried to kill myself, and was proscribed prozac, but my father thought it was silly, that every teen these days is getting proscibed drugs for what is just a normal part of growing up, and for a while I agreed. I coped with it. I had good days and bad, but I also had a great group of friends I could rely on. I grew up. My 20th birthday is now coming up, and my life, it seems, is in a downward spiral.
Almost two years ago, only a […]
Hi, I’ve been lurking on this site for a couple days. I’m amazed at how you guys pour out your hearts and deepest secrets to total strangers. When I first came across this site while looking for help I thought it wasn’t for me, but now I realize there is no better place to talk to people who know what I’m going through. So many discussions on here read like they were plucked right out of my head. I’m glad I found this site.
i have another account on here and no one ever comments on that account anymore i really feel love buy you guys thanks
hey guys well lifes been good i have been tired as crap and work has been kicking ass people there have been mean and i am tired of listing to there bull shit no ones nice to me they give me shit all the time so i just shut my mouth and let them fuck up i am done with trying to help them out. when i first started working there all the people were nice. and now that its all new people and they are young and cocky and think they know what the fuck they doing and when i tell them the right […]
i can’t do this.
i don’t know how.
It was my fourth day (3 hrs a day!!) of driver’s ed and there is about 55 people in my class. Two of those people, who I’m sooo happy to sit next to, used to throw random food bits at my lunch table. They make fun of this one kind of dorky kid out loud where people (and probably the kid) can hear. That bothers me for two reasons 1. I hate bullies (I’ve been bullied) and mean people in general 2. And I have to listen to them while I’m trying to learn about driving. Instead of focusing on learning, I’m thinking of nasty […]
I hate everyone.
When I used to say this to my counselor he would ask, “Who DON’T you hate?”
I could sometimes throw out a name to please him. Usually someone I wasn’t that well-acquainted with…but I’d realize that I was lying, these people were equally annoying, equally self-centered, they ignore me just as much as everyone else.
I only found one true exception. He once posed the question again–“Who DON’T you hate?”–and I responded, “You.” Because he was the only person, in my entire life, that hadn’t neglected me. And even though it was his job to do what he did, it was still the […]
Okay something weird is going on with mine clock. in the morings and afternoons its a minute ahead but at nights its a minute behind. Maybe im seeing things. Maybe someone is playing a trick on me. Or im just fuck up in the mind. I dont know whats going on but its driving me insane. I know its just a clock but this one is driving me to the edge. Damn clock. Damn mind. Damn life. Why is it fucking me up. Why is this clock so fucking unquie.
Right now all I want is someone to talk too…but there’s no one here to listen and no one I know to care.
I know life isn’t perfect but it isn’t all bad either. I’ve decided not to commit suicide. I have so much to live for and so much to see. Sure, I’ll still post here for awhile because I do have things that go wrong in my life. Don’t we all? Anyway, I don’t know how I started to feel this way or why. But I just do. I still don’t believe in god so he isn’t ‘speaking’ to me and shit. I’ve failed from commiting suicide 3 times so I know I’m not ready to die yet. When I’m 40 or so and I’ve seen most […]
Im now in the process of ordering a ******** tank mostly for testing. I must say, it has been easy. Almost too easy, but i dont complain;=))
Right now the biggest worry is, that the flow fitting wont fit into the ******** tank. Im using a flow fitting from a Helium tank. A bit afraid that the pressure in the ******** tank is higher then in a Helium tank. However considering the tanks(wich the flow fittings are designed for)are the same size, and ******** and Helium are BOTH lighter then air, the chances of a “bad fit” are relatively small. Even if this fails i’ll still […]
So, yeah I was born to one of the most cruelest woman alive. I was adopted by another nasty woman. I do not know love nor was it ever extended to me. I made a serious mess of my life over the years, and I also turned into a cruel woman. However a year and a half ago I fell in love for the first time, well besides loving my kids, but anyways I fell in love with a man who loved me faults and all. Last July well my car was hit at 75 mph by a drunk driver, my fiance died, my 4 […]
I told a friend that I was having serious thoughts about killing myself. She told me not to contact her any more, and that maybe one day we could be friends again. I don’t know if I’ll be around if that day comes.