To share your story here, just register for free, then choose "Posts > Add New" from the menu options.
Make sure you hit the "Publish" button to publish your entry. If you already have an account here, login now.

5

I can’t live like this anymore

  August 2nd, 2009 by kayceekitten

I can’t live this way anymore. My best friend gave me a lecture about me killing myself, and now hates me. My one friend, Paige, doesn’t even ACT like she cares. I’m probably depressed, I wanna kill myself, and I have thought of running away multiple times (I would have nowhere to go….). My life is one big hell. My dad hit me when I was three, has been verbally abusive since, hit me again when I was seven, and juSt plain pisses me off. My parents argue often now, and I’ve decided next time they get in a fight, I’m running and not coming …

Processing your request, Please wait....
9

Looking for people that understand

  August 2nd, 2009 by sumpinstattooed

I’ve been “struggling” with depression since I was nine; I’m thirty-three now. I have been on hundreds of medications and finished sixteen rounds of ECT (8 unilateral, 8 bilateral) in May. Long story short, things are not better.

I feel a huge amount of guilt and fear about leaving my husband behind, but I can no longer distract myself from the fact that I want it to end and it doesn’t seem that is going to happen. I have been severely depressed, unable to go to school, unable to even bathe, for three and a half years now. I love my husband more than I knew …

Processing your request, Please wait....
4

I can’t do this anymore

  August 2nd, 2009 by ugh112

I have spent the entire day in a fight. A fight with myself, with my boyfriend, with my life. I don’t want to do this anymore. I am so filled with anger and hate that I can’t stand to be around myself. This has been going on for a long time. I am a college graduate and looking at med school, but right now I don’t feel like I am good enough to even get in. I am taking science prereq’s and I just got a C on my last A & P exam. I feel so stupid. It doesn’t help that I have an …

Processing your request, Please wait....
5

I don’t know anything

  August 1st, 2009 by confused

I’m so tired and so confused. Everyday, I find myself worrying and trying to keep up with my smiles. It’s been difficult and tiring that I don’t know what to do anymore. During the day, with my family and with my friends, I’d be happy and always smiling. I would just laugh with everyone and generally feel so happy. I profess love to this guy everyday. I laugh with my friends at every joke. I play with my dog and have fun.

But when I’m all alone, I’ve always find it hard to stop myself from crying. I don’t know nor understand why I feel so …

Processing your request, Please wait....
6

Life or death?

  July 31st, 2009 by kayceekitten

I really don’t know what to do anymore. My life is going downhill. My few friends are turning against me. It feels like nobody wants me here, so if I ended my life, everyone would be happier. I want to end my life, but I am too afraid to take the necessary actions to do so. I sleep eleven hours a night, which is three hours longer than I used to sleep, plus i wake up at 4 am and cant go back to sleep for about twenty minutes. I am rarely hungry and last night i felt really dizzy for about two hours. I …

Processing your request, Please wait....
3

again?

  July 31st, 2009 by cocoabean15

i just got out of long term on july 2. i was in long term for 3 months. it helped for the first week when i got out but now its way worse than before. i cut everyday multiple times, i bite myself, i scratch myself, i even burn myself. i dont know what to do. i dont want to go back to the hospital. im not crazy. i dont have a problem. i do this because i need to.

Processing your request, Please wait....
4

I dont know

  July 31st, 2009 by prettyodd

Okay well I know I’m young but i constantly have this thought I shouldnt be here anymore. I try to be happy, I try to be myself but deep down I just feel like being alone and crying. I have no idea what I want anymore. I see myself going nowhere In life. Ive thought about killing myself and everytime I try to I cant bring myself to do it because I think of how other people would feel. I dont know I’m just ranting, I’m sorry.

Processing your request, Please wait....
5

My experience

  July 30th, 2009 by jg

I’m not suicidal, but I used to be. I wish I knew five years ago what I know now, and I feel like I have to share it– So I’m sorry if this sounds preachy, because I really don’t mean for it to be.

When I was five my sister, Jen, killed herself with an intentional drug overdose. A decade later I was thinking about doing the same. I’d sit on the floor of my room every day after school and try to think of reasons not to end my life, with no luck. A couple of times I held a knife to my wrist, even …

Processing your request, Please wait....
4

When the World Doesn’t Let You End

  July 30th, 2009 by Saeide

Well, to be honest I don’t know why I’m here. To be blunt some random guy in a gaming community suddenly linked me to this site out of the blue and I decided that what the heck, I’d share my story since I’ve had self-destructive if not suicidal thoughts lately.

My mother was my world, I was not close to any of my other immediate family members. She’d had cancer for nearly nine years when she finally passed away. My world and life collapsed. I spent a whole week doing nothing but lying in my room, I didn’t eat, I barely slept; I simply laid on …

Processing your request, Please wait....
6

my life is one big dark room.

  July 30th, 2009 by thepainter

all i can think about lately is ending my life. these thoughts went away for awhile. i used to have them all the time when i was little, probably about 7 or 8. i don’t know why i’ve never been able to have happiness. the clues are that my mom worked all the time and i never knew my dad. i didn’t have friends or family growing up. i was very much a loner. i was raped when i was in high school and again, a few years ago. it’s my own fault both times–drinking and being around people who don’t care about you at …

Processing your request, Please wait....
10

i just don’t know

  July 29th, 2009 by dragovian

i just don’t know what’s going on nemore

i’m a webdesigner and graphics artist, i love designing, i love drawing i love being creative, ever since i was a little kid i dreamt of doing what i love, making people happy by what i can create, by what i’m able to do.

i’ve been a freelance artist for bout 2 years now and i see that it isn’t anything like what i imagined/hoped it would be, people don’t care about your feelings, about your work.

i’ve sacrificed everything i have for my carreer, now finding out that i am absolutely not happy with what i am, with what …

Processing your request, Please wait....
3

Not Here

  July 29th, 2009 by abilitykay

alright, this is my first post…..

i just found about this site a few minutes ago

i googled ‘suicide’ and this is it.

i’ll try and make it straight and plain.

i just don’t feel like anything matters. yes, i try my best and i am a good student and i always try to be a good friend. but there’s always been this thought inside my head, everytime i close my eyes or try to sleep, the thought “i don’t belong here. i don’t want to be here anymore.”

To try and describe the way i feel, i’m hysterically crying and i can’t stop thinking about those thoughts. I recognize …

Processing your request, Please wait....
4

How It All Began

  July 29th, 2009 by CJ

My thoughts of suicide started when I was 13 years old.

 I made a friend through a connection with another friend, and she was awesome (at first). I found out a month into our friendship that she did drugs. I encouraged her to stop, but since she was 5 years older than me she was too self- absorbed to listen. So, one night she slept over my house, and curiosity got the best of me, and I tried the drugs. It was… wonderful, to say the least. So more ‘sleepovers’ were planned afterwards. If I can recall correctly, it was about the third time she slept …

Processing your request, Please wait....
31

I don’t belong in this world

  July 28th, 2009 by qwertyuiop

That is how I feel.  I can’t believe I’m actually at a site like this but it’s getting worse.  I’ve long felt I was depressed (my entire life), but this is the first time I’ve actually called it quits.  I love life and the experiences of living, I just hate my own life and would wish it upon nobody.  I think the only reason why I haven’t succeeded in killing myself is because of one relative in my life.  I have to outlive them.  But once they go, my expiration will be soon after.  Probably the same day.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in my life with the …

Processing your request, Please wait....
4

A long road… approaching a dead end?

  July 28th, 2009 by convict

I’m a twenty year old in college… and there’s a lot that’s happened in the past few years that has made me question life in its entirety. Prior to my senior year in high school, my father was diagnosed with lung and esophagus cancer. It was a difficult struggle to see the dramatic changes my life took in terms of my family, friends, and my responsibilities. I took it upon myself to acquire a job and help with the family. I fought and struggled and did my best to help with the family in hopes that my father would get better. …

Processing your request, Please wait....
8

I Just Want to Disappear

  July 28th, 2009 by Frazier3

I realize that there are many of you who are in the same amount or worse pain than I am. I need to tell my story, and hope that someone can help me.

The past five years have been a nightmare for me.  One of my very closest friends died at the age of 48 from a brain tumor.  My Mom had a stroke, and then died last year from cancer after receiving a cancer-free diagnosis only a month before.  I lived with her and was her primary caretaker for four years.  I asked my family if I could live in our home until January (I would …

Processing your request, Please wait....
4

confused…

  July 28th, 2009 by CJ

I… really don’t know what to do. Yesterday, I wrote a post that expressed my desire to no longer live, and yet, I find that something odd is holding me back. Between the wonderful comments yesterday and my family actually being nice to me despite me not even saying much to them, I was actually… happy. I was able to forget about my self- loathing and have a day where people… cared? Such a weird word for me to say. But, I woke up this morning coming down from my high from yesterday- to hear my brother expressing his love for his girlfriend, aka, the …

Processing your request, Please wait....
2

Jaded

  July 28th, 2009 by TWonline

I never thought things would come to this… but here I am, writing.

At age 25 I found out that I had to have urgent open heart surgery to replace my aortic valve. I was in 60% heart failure without even knowing it and could have died at any time. I had the procedure done, and am alive and kicking… though I opted for a tissue valve (so I could enjoy a higher quality of life) and was told that it would only last roughly ten years. It is now three years later, I just turned 28, and post-traumatic stress disorder finally kicked in. I moved …

Processing your request, Please wait....
1

Just Writing.

  July 28th, 2009 by just a boy

The simplified version is just that i hate myself. I hate myself completely with no room for positive. I’ve tried going to get help, but i end up shutting them out.  I am a despicable human being. With no purpose in life. I’m not contributing anything to this planet, my family, or anyone else’s life. I can’t look in the mirror anymore. I have no friends because i don’t and wont trust anybody. I’ve never known love only rejection. I only seem to piss people off when I am around. It seems to me that everyones’ life that i have come in contact with would …

Processing your request, Please wait....
3

help the hopeless…

  July 27th, 2009 by lillyla

I don’t know where to start. All i know is at 29 i should be further in my life than this. I’ve had SEVERE anxiety issues since i was in elementary school. I had to quit school and get my GED because of it. I went to cosmetology school and didn’t take my test because i was too nervous and was scared i was going to make an a** out of myself. Anyway, my dad who has cancer pays my rent. They denied me for food stamps so i have no food and no way to pay my bills. I’ve tried to work but because …

Processing your request, Please wait....