Hollow, empty, broken, bruised and confused /Listen for the sound, of my heart breaking / This would all make sense, if you spent a mile in these shoes / Strapped to my feet, like ‘anchors aweigh’ /I can tell you don’t care by the look on your face / Walking away, like I’m the disgrace /You know it’s hard to swallow, when I’m choking on lies / Keep on feeding me, you know I won’t fight / My back still hurts, from holding this knife / Keep piling it on until my chest explodes / My mind goes blank and my breath is cold / […]
I think I might actually need help when I accidentally step in front of a car and think to myself, “you know, if this car hits you, you won’t have to go to school today.”
LOL.
this happened to me about a year ago.
I assume I am a bit deranged to have thought that when walking to the bus stop.
Well I guess the suicidal thoughts stayed away for as long as they’re going to stay away. I suppressed them by laughing the pain away, but screw it. Damn it all. I’m tired of wearing a smiling mask in the sunlight but crying once the darkness settles. Damn the pain, damn the hurt, damn the change… I’m sick of it all. I just want to sleep… Why won’t people let me sleep the darkness away?
A beam of light
touched me today,
thru the night
from so far away.
– – – – – – – – – – – –
Straight and true,
so warm and bright,
the beam shone thru
making day from night.
 – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Thru my world
of dark and cold,
this light unfurled
a warmth untold.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
To guide my soul
and show the way,
to make me whole
and feel okay.
=======================================
Thanks for the cyberspace
Here One Day
Gone One Night
Gone Too Soon
RIP my love, i will never forget the things you did. How you light up my days, and now thoes days are gone… i don’t wanna forget how you made me warm. Because my life is cold without you.
there’s a hierarchy in the business of social security and medication, doctors,psych wards, therapists,ER doctors,etc. i was treated poorly upon admission to the ER last week and quickly escorted off to new orleans,LA to a very pimped out facility..but i have some grieveances and i feel violated..i was CEC’d and in restraints for 7 hrs. being shot up with haldol, ativan, benadryl, and god knows what else…i was screaming at the top of my lungs to get me the fuck out of their ***** ass restraints but thay’d come silence my pleads with more injections until i finally wake to an unruly police officer telling […]
I’ve asked myself this question too many times…How could god let someone trick me for months into thinking they really loved me. How could god let her lie to me and feel joy from making me suffer? How could god convince me that she was the one person in the world who really understood me?How could god let her lie to me for all this time and convince me that i was right to defend her and lose all of my friends doing it? How could god let her fuck him and cheat and lie to me for all this time and tell me she […]
i feel some emotions, but not so strong most of the time. every once in awhile i get these rushing emotions: anger, loneliness, confusion, frustration, and overbearing sadness. My way of letting these feelings out is finding a song to express all this shit yeah w/e blah blah heres the fuckin song.
hope whoever heres this is able to allow this song to penetrate the depths of their angst.
why does it feel like i did something wrong. Why wont this feeling go away. Im breaking down inside. I feel like a mess. I dont know what to do with myself anymore. I just want to cry. Or at least drown myself as i planned. Why does God hate me? God what did i do wrong. Everything seems fine but i know its really not v- v. What can i say i dont even know anymore. I dont even know who i am anymore. I just want to leave forever. Im sorry if i have to hurt people for it. I just need […]
How would a “normal” person get rid of this emptiness? You know, a logical person who chooses “healthy” coping mechanisms. Things that aren’t burning or oxycodone or starving. How to they combat loneliness?
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Life has been good to me in many ways and for the most part, I have really enjoyed my life and I am thankful for it. I rejoiced and thanked God when I could participate in physical activity: I enjoyed riding my bicycle, hiking and I was a good, I mean really good martial artist. In almost 35 years of working (post college) I have only had one week without income and my income has been by and large at least 2-3 times the average wage. I have healthy children and 3/4 dozen grand kids. I have had the enjoyment or leaning many things, giving […]
This mask used to hide me,
Save me from any hurt.
Just smile and laugh,
They’ll all go away.
But slowly I died,
Stopped trying at all,
And now ,
This mask hides nothing.
.
mother just signed me up for modeling auditions. that ***** is mocking me. shes only doing it to fuck with my mind. i know im ugly as shit mom. no need for professionals to tell me. todays song of the day- ” i feel like im drowning in ice water
my lips have turned a shade of blue
im frozen with this fear
that you may disappear
before iv given you the truth…
i bleed my heart out on this paper for you
so you can see what i cant sayy
im dying here…im dying here
cause i cant say what i want to
i […]
I been seeing things
but they are not connected to strings.
Every corner i turn
it seems to burn.
All the faces i see
i feel like an escapee.
There thoughts
i can hear them loudly.
Its hard to run away
even when i pray.
Their eyes
they show a shadow if their past.
Haunted memories
flooded the place.
I cover my ears
so i cannot hear their painful moaning.
Im shaking in fear
as their words pierce me.
These are the things
i can not be free from.
I know i am not in much of help
but hearing your cries
makes me cry.
Another old song I found, there seems to be an abundance.
Do you think if I screamed
That you would hear me?
Do you think if I begged
That you would set me free?
If I gave you everything you wanted
Would you ever be satisfied?
Because sometime I’m not sure I’m granted
Anything except the tears I’ve cried
Years have gone by
And yet…nothing changes
Years have gone by
And yet…my life never rearranges
I’m always thinking
About shining armor and my knight that comes with it
I’m always blinking
But my happy ending never, ever commits
My life is rushing by my eyes
And I’m just sitting in a corner all alone
Can’t think through all these lies
I’m sure I’m on my […]
it just feels like its one of those days when you were a kid and the day sucked because you couldn’t go outside because of  some stupid rain. and there was nothing you could do about it. the rain never seems to stop for me and i live in Florida. it 107 degrees out side during the damn spring! it makes me want to die. or almost die so that they would stick me i some mental hospital were i can get away from everything i just want to be numb. like when you’ve been standing in the rain so long you don’t even feel […]
So I tried to kill myself (with good reason) a couple months ago and this guy who’s been helping me get through stuff that I’ve known for over a year made me go to the hospital and it was traumatic hell and I’ve been more screwed up since then than I was before. I’ve only spoken to him a couple of times since then, and I talked to him yesterday and reiterated all the same stuff about how it’s his fault that I had to go to the hospital and how it was stupid and screwed me up and he won’t listen and keeps saying […]
I’m sitting alone in my bedroom bringing myself to a conclusion and I feel like I want to break all my bones and tear open my skin. This is so chaotic and I can barely breathe, and I’m so PISSED off that I can’t just get it over with. I JUST WANT TO DO IT!
beaten and brused you left her to lay
always she got back up with a smile
a smile she used for so many things
to hide everything and protect you
to show everyone everything was “great”
to make them think she was happy
she hid all those scars, brusies and tears
but now
those tears are slowly starin to fall
that smile is fading
all those things you told her are replaying in her head
so many problems you caused her
trust, love, happiness all things you ripped from her
once a happy happy girl now a sad misrable thing
you ripped her to pieces […]
Was looking through some old stuff and found my old diary. Here’s some of my WAY old stuff, I guess I’ve always been depressing. Don’t read these if you want to read good poetry, I was very young when these were written. Here goes:
I’m that sock.
The one you left
In your locker
In your closet
On your floor
Without a pair.
Eventually, you forgot about me.
I’m that song.
The one you listened to
Everyday
You knew all the lyrics
You always sang along
Then came a new song
And you forgot about me.
I’m that book
You read every night
When you were a child
You knew all the words
Then you grew up
And you forgot about me.
This second one is […]