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Why am I?

  September 9th, 2007 by staringbackatme

Am I the anti-norm? How did I get this way? Maybe I’m not just a product of my upbringing. Certainly others have had to grow up under much worse conditions. I had everything I needed. Well almost everything. But is love necessary? I’m finding it hard to remember what it is to be loved. To be honestly appreciated and cared about. A lot of it is my own doing I’m sure. I’ve pushed many people away. Others I‘ve cut completely off and toss them away. Then of course I’ve had friends who have crushed me callously numerous times. Having a low tolerance for others ruins …

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a mirror.

  September 8th, 2007 by codi

There is something terribly wrong here.

I can no longer recognize the face in the mirror.
I dont like waking up anymore..it all seems so pointless. It feels like the darkness that has taken hold of my mind is desperately trying to claw its way out of my skin. Each day it gets harder to fight the temptation. Just end it says the voice.
You know the voice of which i speak. Its a soothing voice. It talks of better places and happiness and peace and relief. It teases you with promises that THIS will make it all better..make it all go away.. …

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and in the end …

  August 8th, 2007 by PairaDizeLost

don’t know why I am doing this .. who cares ? I have made one mess of my life after another. Lost everything that matters. Didn’t realize until too late what is most important in life. Family. Love. Forgiveness. I don’t have any of that. the short version:
I was in a very unhappy marriage for near 20 years. I knew at the beginning that it wasn’t the “perfect match”. But it would do. I thought I would grow to love him. Hard to do when you don’t even respect each other. We had children over the years. So I never left because of the children. …

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The Bridge: Looking Into The Abyss

  July 27th, 2007 by Heatherrr

The Golden Gate Bridge is the top suicide destination in the world. Suicide is not an easy subject matter. My brother died of cancer as a young man, and I was with him when he died. My sister was killed by a drunk driver, and I wasn’t there when she died. In many ways, it was easier to deal with the death that I saw than the one that I didn’t. That is what guided me as I made the documentary The Bridge. In 2004, our crew ran cameras at the bridge for almost every daylight minute, capturing most of the two dozen suicides that …

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Winter Came and Went

  July 24th, 2007 by Leon

This story won’t take long, but if I could this story would go on forever. That is how much I had admired this man. He was a dedicated teacher who knew so much of his students’ potentcial for greatness, but did not have time to admire their bright futures. The day he had died, I remember pulling up behind a parked ambulance. Any sign like that would make you worry. I had heard from one of my friends that my english teacher had collapsed, but it was in math class when my world had fallen apart.

“He has passed away,” my math teacher had said between …

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So exhausted

  June 20th, 2007 by onedown

As I lie here on the couch [my 19 yo brother gets my room] my favorite feeling has comeback to haunt me.suicide.My whole life has been shit.I mean my brother is my moms favorite (even tho she acts like hes not)and all he does is treat me like scum even tho I bend over backwards 4 him.(BTW Im 15)No girl likes.I mean im not ugly or anything.Point is I just want this pain to end.If anyone thinks im doing the wrong thing plz tell. otherwise im going to end my suffering by thursday.see ya guys on the otherside

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Tired of pain of living

  June 17th, 2007 by sherzn

Each morning I’m disappointed to find that I’m still here. Each day brings such great burden. At the end of the day I have no reward for going through it. I fit the criteria for high functioning autism. I look normal so its an invisible disability. At least I now have a reason for always being unable to make conversation and not fitting in. It feels as if I was not made to communicate. When I try, my attention span runs out on me, and I have to struggle to find something to make the conversation continue. These …

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is this what we live for?

  May 30th, 2007 by themiserymachine

I sit here in this place of quiet and great knowledge. I sit here and I listen to the voices of those around me. Yet, I feel silence. The voices are distant. Far away from me, just like myself. Of course, I hear their words, but they mean nothing, as they have for so long. Until you feel the empty, you don’t know the meaning of alone. You don’t know the meaning of fear. They talk, and they live, and they love. They do not know these feelings that I feel. They do not experience …

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A Great Way To Make Your Child Feel Like A Loser

  May 19th, 2007 by Carrot_Envy

It’s been over a month after I officially graduated from college. I always thought my parents would be supportive of me and my decisions in life (Note: At 20-something, I still live with my parents (I’m asian! LOL) but ever since my younger sis graduated a month ahead of me (blame it to my university’s Academic Calendar?) and has been hired on her first job, everything has changed.

Cool, so, now my sister is the best daughter ever while I am just a lazy person who sits 24/7 in front of the computer letting the opportunities pass by. I already recieved two phone calls from different companies, the first one offered an above-average salary but I decided I wanted my first job to be memorable and related to my degree. The second one is kind of close to the field I a pursuing but the pay is so low, I would still probably ask for my parents’ money for my everyday fare. I want a CAREER which at the same time could make me pay for a bed space or a place of my own.

I have been trying to tell them that I am not like my sister. It seems to me that my sister is trying to prove something by getting the first job available. I could do that if I wanted to but as i have said I want a fucking career. Am I just being lazy, difficult, stupid, or all of the above? I don’t want to compete with my younger sis. I have always been the best in school and in co-curricular activities growing up, always been the best while the younger sis would be my shadow. Okay, maybe this is her moment (and she really is feeling it) but it’s already hurting me.

I only thought this vacation is a well-deserved one since I spent 6 long academic years in college, summers included. I was a state scholar which means i spared them from spending a LOT from having to pay high tution fees. 3/4’s of what i spent in college, i owe to the government. So, I don’t understand what my parents are bitching about. They have always been laid-back and relaxed even when we were having financial challenges before. So, why fret now that they only have my youngest sister (we are three siblings) to send to college to.

Parents should be

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Meaningless

  May 19th, 2007 by Charly

I’m almost 23. The first time I clearly remember wanting to kill myself was when I was 11. I’ve been wishing to die ever since and pray everyday that it’ll be the last. I suffered a lot in my life (physical & mental abuse, eating disorders, living on the street, working since I was 14 to pay for school and a LOT more…) and I only know pain and sacrifice. I cry everyday, that’s right EVERYDAY. I’m exhausted of having to fake that I’m OK, just to keep my mom and bro happy. It’s tiring to have to watch tv or go shopping or …

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Living

  May 10th, 2007 by LeenyyCareBear

Whats the point in liveing when all u want to to is die?? i mean if we dont like it here just kill our selfs y dont we i mean its not like the world will miss me. it mite miss u but i dont know soo…y live in a place we dont like ??

plzz answer this!

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I just wish it was over

  April 11th, 2007 by kakky1950

I don’t think I would ever have the guts to do myself in, but I’m so very tired, I have much to be thankful for, but have suffered such loss. My mother died of cancer when I was 17, my father was murdered when I was 32, I am a cancer survivor and a single mother. My daughter is 26 and back home after a failed marriage. Mercifully, there are no children from her marriage, but mountains of debt. I have been at the same job in the county where I live for 32 1/2 years. I have the time …

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rational suicide

  April 9th, 2007 by hollyhock

You know — my marriage and my job are both in trouble, but I know I can navigate these problems…….. there’s nothing that wrong with my life. And there’s nothing that wrong with me.

And sometimes I feel happy.

But no matter what problems I navigate, there are always just more. I can really see that life is never going to “work out”. It will always be a struggle. Any happiness I feel is temporary and unsatisfactory. It never outweighs the struggle.

And I’m just so tired of struggling.

I read all of these “anti-suicide” posts on the web. None of them really address the fact that …

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How to die

  April 9th, 2007 by koala

It’s lousy everyday with pain all over my body. I just want to end it all so that i can start my life afresh. I have no control over this body. Pls tell me how to do it without hurting anyone esp. my family…….

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a hollow ring

  March 25th, 2007 by sha

i feel like killing myself. it is ringing so hollow and so cold. it always return. it hurts so bad. but life is good. very good in fact. there is no need to weep. doting parents, friends, love. yet i cannot feel e love. my heart is fortified. impregnable. that it is so void. i do feel happy. but sadness never fails to return with a vengeance. so much so, i wished i would never feel happy. and fade into the monotony of life. what do you do when your heart is shattered so frequently. why do everyone seem to have a legitimate reason to …

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i think about buying a gun

  March 11th, 2007 by mieshia

i am so tired. i wake up tired and i live everyday tired. i just wish that i didn’t have to do this anymore. i look at my life and i see nothing, i see someone who doesn’t deserve to live anymore. i don’t belong anywhere. i have never had friends and any time i thought someone liked me for me it turned out that they were just using me or trying to manipulate me for their own benefit or amusement. i’ve never been good at anything and i am not smart. i have nothing to offer the world, i just take up space. i’ve …

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  March 3rd, 2007 by Unknown

I attempted suicide about six years ago. Unfortunately for me at the time, it apparently doesn’t matter if you take Ibuprofen by the dozens, you will feel nothing but sick the next day. Sick, but breathing. I was suprised I woke up the next day – sleep felt like slipping away from life, there were no dreams. There was a feeling, for a time, that I was dead and conscious of it. In time, I grew to resent what I had nearly done to my family. I’m depressive by nature, and the fact that, physically speaking, I’m as ugly as one can imagine, didn’t help …

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Have I left enough undone?

  March 2nd, 2007 by eonspike

I made it for a few years this time with out getting depressed and suicidal. Had a number of anxiety attacks do to stress. I guess it was inevitable this time, I have been trying to overcome spinal surgery almost a year ago and still off work with a lot of drugs and still the same pain as when it all began. I can’t walk very well and have just lost hope that it will ever get any better. I am creating problems for my wife that she does not deserve. But I just can’t help it, it’s like waves coming over my head I …

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should i?

  February 22nd, 2007 by IM WORTHLESS

part of me is telling me yes the other halve is telling me no, im 15 and will never grow past 5 feet my familly hates me. everyone spits on me in school, i feel like a worthless piece of shit , im just another brick in the wall of society. i have no friends and all the councles i have are trying to prolong my suicide. im could in a situating with a knive to my rist. some one please help me. i just wanna be normal and fit in. if im not logged on by tomorrow night then things have …

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Failure

  February 19th, 2007 by looser

I’m feeling suicidal again, lets see if i last the month. I managed to pull myself through my last session of suicidal thoughts and depression. From mid September to mid November 2006 i became paranoid and suicidal, i honestly don’t know how i managed to pull myself through and get into 2007. But its happening again, i don’t know if i will survive it this time. I’m less hopeful this time.

Its coming on slowly as it did last time, building up, this time i cant see a way out of the hole I’ve gotten into. Can i make it trough to March, how …

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