I am in so much pain right now. My back hurts. Some mystries pain hit my lung out of no where and now i cant breath. I dont know what to do with myself anymore. Its like my throat is closing up. I have a killer headache again and its not pretty. Ugh nothing but pain today and i thought it was going to be a pretty decent day but i guess i was wrong.
The first time it was more of a half assed attempt, I truely wanted to die and tried to suffocate myself. I tried with everything I had but I panicked in the end. I’m buying a lot of generic drugs hoping it’ll numb out the pain when I slash my wrist completely open. I hope that I die from the blood loss…I really don’t have any better ideas and I don’t know if I even have enough willpower to harm myself like that. I don’t think it’s necessarily the fear of death that might prevent me from doing so, but the fear from the physical […]
I don’t want to do so many things anymore…
Don’t wanna live
Don’t wanna die
Don’t wanna wake up
From my tumultuous sleep
I don’t want to keep going anymore
I don’t want to keep fighting
I don’t want to cry
I don’t want to breathe
I don’t want to let people break my heart anymore
I don’t want to live in this nightmare
I don’t want to change
I don’t want to look in the mirror
I don’t want to even look at the sky
I don’t want to move from my place at my computer
Where I type poetry
For you to read
I don’t want to see anything else but words on my screen
I don’t want to hear anything […]
I remember when I was little…
When even though things were tough,
I was… happy
What the heck happened to me?
When did everything change and become so dark?
What caused me to hate myself
And not want to even look at myself in the mirror
When did I start wanting to kill myself?
I just want to be the person I used to be
Who wasn’t afraid to look in the mirror
Who liked who she was because she was unique
And didn’t look at herself as a freak
I don’t feel like a human anymore
I’m almost like a side show freak
It doesn’t even matter what I think
I don’t matter to anyone
For years i have been suffering with anxiety specifically GAD for years now. I used to throw up in pubs constantly. Would never go out on a date because I would feel trapped, where as if I am on my own am I free to sneak off and go home at any point. I panic when there is nothing to panic about. But with all that I was happy as can be when the anxiety wasn’t attacking. But now I have been suffering so long I have lost my mind, I have no idea whats going on in my head, I could just scream for […]
The rain is pouring down. I step out. I am drenched.
The rain is icey cold.
I step out and don’t step back in.
Please don’t do it,
for if you do,
I’ll just say “screw it”
and I will to.
Please don’t do it,
there’s gotta be a way.
I’ve been through it
and lived another day.
Please don’t do it,
I know things are tough.
Maybe I blew it
and did not do enough.
Please don’t do it,
I know that you’re down.
You know that I’ll rue it,
so please stick around.
===================================
thanks for the cyberspace
I feel weird writing on this site, as many of you are not even 20 years old. Somehow, though, it seems the thing to do. Here goes nothing.
I am a 44 year old female. I have had issues with depression for as long as I can remember, passed on to me by my father’s side of the family. I am currently on no meds, although I have been on them in the past.
To make a long story short, I have lost a few jobs over the past ten years or so due to my “issues” and seeming immaturity and […]
well can i??
My boyfriend tried to kill himself last week. he stuck his hand through a glass window. He called me and left a voicemail. I was so scared. so Well who would guess. I wanted to die too. I started cutting, and when i got to school i went to the bathroom and cut some more. When i got home he called me and said that the bleeding had stopped and that he was still alive. I cried with releif. But i was still scared and i told him that i was scared and that i couldnt function right because of him. He told me he […]
I have made arrangements and am going to kill myself on May 27…just need to wait 10 more days, I would get my peace. I feel like I really don’t have much to say to my family, so I will just leave a note saying “I am sorry. It’s not your fault.”
Do you hear me?
I’m screaming in pain
Do you hear me?
My heart broke again
Do you hear me?
I can’t take this for much longer
Do you hear me?
I must be a ghost to you
Do you hear me?
Nobody wants to help me anymore- or hear me either
Do you hear me?
I can’t do anything right
Do you hear me?
I must be worthless to others
Do you hear me?
Do you care about me?
Do you hear me?
I”m so tired of it all
Do you hear me?
I’m ready to fall over and die
Do you hear me?
Just… kill me
I guess you don’t hear me…
Yeah, I’m fakin’ it.
I’m smiling and laughing on the outside
But screaming and crying on the inside
I smile gently
but do everything wrong
I’m tired of replaying this sad song
There’s laughter on the outside
But pain on the inside
My pain almost consuming me
I don’t know how much longer I can last
cuz I’m fakin’ it
Don’t know how much more I can stand
I’m just fakin’ it
I don’t know if I can smile anymore
I’m so tired of fakin’ it
Help me with this terrible burden
Sorrowful and painful
I’m cold…
I can’t breathe…
Something is choking me!!
I can’t fake it for much longer
Can’t fake the smile that I have
The laughter that I share
All I will have left […]
its funny how things dont work out.
how you think you’ve got one of those people
the ones that stay in your life forever
the important ones…
then they leave.
its funny how you think things will be the same
even though there not there with you.
but there not.
even though you cant laugh together
you think you can still share everything with this person
but you cant.
you loose trust.
humour becomes mocking.
and someone cracks.
and so the friendship dies.
and slowly but surely that longing and missing
and open admitting
turns to resentful hate.
jealously.
and below the surface..
all you have is aching pain.
and tears that wont flow.
your not brave enough you to admit you were wrong
you want to say […]
I’m really all done with being a disappointment to everyone and an annoyance to most. Some cosmic force decided it would be hilarious to make people judge me unfairly. That’s okay up to a point I guess, but there is always a point where you can’t really handle it anymore. So here goes, random strangers, the thing’s I’ve wanted to say for ages, the feelings and the instances that changed everything. It’s not horribly sad, it’s not even terribly important. But I am what I am what I am and there’s really no helping it.
I have a pretty lengthy list of things I could be, […]
Is it so much to ask that I can just dream?
To sleep my life away
and never have to deal
with people always looking
always judging
To live inside myself where I’m not longer worried
about who I am
and who I’m meant to be.
To know its all okay
and I don’t have to fret.
to know it’s good enough to stay in my own head.
To know the scars will fade
and yet I’ll still be the same.
And know that generally speaking
life goes on.
Wanting to find a way
to someone just like me.
Wishing to tell the truth,
say […]
Listening to relaxing music isn’t relaxing me at all. Currently, I’m listeing to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSgPDKG6bB0 and this music really helps with the whole depression.
Currently not doing well in school. I anticipated a higher grades, but when it comes to exam and quizzes, I’m proven otherwise. Seeing how things are currently, I cannot comment on it at all. Just wish I could close my eyes and never be able to open them up again.
im beginning to see the world diffrently now
what is life?
what is DEATH?
where do u go when u die?
should i doubt the LORDS POWER?
should i die?
help encourage me.
i cant seem to get it like everyone else!!!!
IM HUNGRY FOR BLOOD!!
I CANT SEEM TO BELIEVE
ALL I CAN DO IS PRAY
BUT WHY?WHY DO I WANT TO KILL?WHY?WHY?WHY?MY LIFE ISNT BAD ITS JUST CONTROLLED.SO WHY DO I WANT TO KILL THESE PEOPLE?WHY DO I WANT TO DIE?WHY NOT JUST DIE?WELL WHY NOT JUST LIVE?HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I know that a lot of people here are down… and I’m one of them. However, tonight, I just want to create a tiny moment of sunshine with some random quotes.
“Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, ‘where the heck is the ceiling?’”
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
“After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, “No hablo ingles.” ”
“Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and […]