The only place
that allows me to be me.
The only place
that i am finally free.
To escape everyone
even if they walk in.
The doctors in coats
injecting their drugs.
Sadly enough
i couldnt ask for a hug.
All i wanted was to be loved
but insted only got a cry for help.
Being alone…
and tied in my thoughts.
I really don’t know
how to end this poem.
All i know is…
i’m in a padded room
tie in a straightjack
ready to crack.
One more before I try to self medicate the pain away. Thanks for the cyberspace.
=====================================
I know somewhere that’s as cold and lonely
and as empty as Outer Space.
It’s really not that very far,
yet rather hard to find.
Look very deep into my eyes
and see beyond my face,
no GPS nor any map will lead you there,
you might as well be blind.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
If you want I’ll show the way,
if you really dare,
it takes a while, so if we’re going,
we’d better get a start.
For sure this place is fragile tho’,
so I ask you please take […]
Before you read on, I want to ask that you guys please don’t lecture me or anything about drugs. Please understand I’m just venting. People who do drugs aren’t bad. People who dislike drugs, good for you. As for me though, I’m more anti-drug. Anti-pot. Anti-everything to do with that shit.
I admit I’ve tried some, but something about them.. I can’t stand them
I take pills sometimes cause they make me feel better.
For a little while, then it just gets worse.
I can’t take it when people around me do drugs. I’ve let up since my last major drug addict ex.
I […]
I feel like I”m constantly bothering you, and I’m sorry for that. I know that a lot of my lifestyle choices disappoint you. But you have to understand that it’s hard for me to get out of bed every morning. The only reason I do is because I have to… Because giving up would mean causing you pain, and I don’t want that.
I meant it when I said I love you the most. Because I really do.
Has anyone heard from Blackqwert? (I think that’s how you spell it), I haven’t seen him post on here in a LONG time and I’m on here religiously everyday checking up on certain people and seeing if they’re ok.
I keep holding back, I keep backing out, I keep turning back, I need to stop, I just need to decide, to be or not to be, that is the question.
I want to die so fucking badly…please, please, just make this stop.
I wish I would just DECIDE. If I just made a decision and STUCK TO IT I’d be so much better off. I hate everything, I hate everything.
I want this pain to disappear…
Mommy,
Why has he been in bed so long? Is he sleeping? What are those cuts on his arm from? When is he getting up? Why doesn’t he want to be out here with us? Why does he cry?
life is journey, you know not what to expect. Your cannot choose when or how you are born, you are just thrown in a big strange place, sometimes you can easily find happiness, other times you cannot. Crazy, isnt it. You just have to use the cards your dealt to get through it and find that obscure happiness. Thanx for reading ;] good day to you  and yes i kno it sucks.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
But I love you….
Stay with me.
Love me.
Just…. Don’t give up on me..
I hate myself
I hate Me.
I am starting ECT treatments this week, and will be housed in the “open ward” unit of a psyche center (as opposed to the lock down). Â Has anybody ever experienced staying in an open ward? Â What can I expect?
Laying down
Wishing to sleep forever
Not wanting to move, or
To be swept up by a savior
Wanting to be left alone
Bleeding it out.
Bleeding out the guilt.
The pain of living.
Taking me from everyone else.
Having them satisfied.
Me also being satisfied.
Its about time I get my happieness.
I can’t take it.
I’m giving it one more shot, and then I’m walking away. It’s up to you what happens now, the ball’s in your court. Either you can carry on playing, or pick it up and leave.
Your choice.
I need a song of Hope,
one that fills my Soul.
From my neck, remove the rope,
Peace is my only goal.
– – – – – – – – – – –
I sing a song of Hope,
when I take my daily stroll,
it may be narrow in its scope,
Peace is its only toll.
– – – – – – – – – – –
I have a song of Hope,
although it’s rather droll,
it tends to save me from my mope,
Peace fills the empty hole.
– – – – – – – – – – – –
I gave a song of Hope
to those who played a role.
My only wish, to help them cope
Peace […]
Are you at a bad place when
You have a special song for whenever you feel suicidal?
When you can’t even read Hamlet because the guy stabs himself in the neck?
When the idea of one more thing going wrong
leaves you shaking and halfway towards a nervous breakdown?
When you don’t really remember what you look like- because you won’t look in a mirror?
When you’re afraid to have quiet- because you don’t want to be left afraid with your own thoughts?
Are you in a bad place when your brain just won’t stop?
When you feel like you’re of more use to others […]
Anybody know where he is, have not heard for ages…please let me know if you know..
I lie awake again tonight,
another fitful sleep.
Can I ever win this fight
fought so way down deep?
So many thoughts run through my head
like a speeding train.
They only keep the Demons fed,
my energy they drain.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Much more of this I just can’t take,
I grow weary and I tire.
This battle leaves within its wake,
feelings scorched by fire.
I know the battles never cease
and I can’t get out,
but I just want my Soul at peace,
ain’t that what Life’s about?
====================================
Thanks for the help, encouragement and of course the cyberspace
Another weekend gone and it most definitly was an up and down one. it started with me wanting to and trying to drink myself to oblivion, literally, I wasn’t goin to stop until I physically couldn’t then keep drinking some more, I ended having a really good night but then I happened to get a txt the next night and it threw me right back into the shit.
I thought things might be looking up but no it is just the same shit and I cant deal with it, my friend pretty much doesn’t want to talk to me because of how depressed I am and I […]
Omg the feeling
The feeling of choking out after a month of being off tue habit, finally tonight i will choke out until i sleep, its 2:45am aight. Except im not used to choking anymore, the side effects are 10x stronger, i feel paranoia because of that night i thought the illuminati was watching me. I feel dizzy and light headed and cold and prickly from choking. Omg but the feeling of needing to put my hands on my neck was unbearable, my progress from my depression era left and i fear it may come back to at least visit very soon. Must do it […]
I read depressing stories
The lives of countless others
(i suck at writing poetry, these are just seperate thoughts, somewhat)
Cause me pain and pity
Makes my eyes stare blankly out
And go back to my lil world
Where i daydream about
The shitty, ugly truth left behind
From an abnormal past
Not as bad as others
But still worse in its own way
I read these depressing stories
My month old habit
That died down for a while
Of choking myself
I feel an urge to wring my neck
I can feel where my fingers used to be
Feels like its been scarred into […]
okay… its not that i wanna delete my account… but does anybody know how to delete an account on this suicide place thingy?