Im back on this site, not because im suicidal, im just not sure anymore. But, i am feeling better, i can concentrate in school. Everyone has to accept the depression and lower your expectations by a lot. Dont aim so high up or else you can fall off and get hurt. This website is so depressing. Wanna have a quick laugh? Laugh at other peoples misery on fmylife.com. I havent seen my cousin jasmine for a while, my gf moved away, and im failing all my classes except… PE. Oh yeah, my uncle thinks i told a gang to kill him so he wants to […]
i heard if you kill yourself you go to hell.. so can someone kill me now? it’ll be a thousand times easier. i can even pay you…
everyday in my life, i cry. i just cry and cry and cry. all around my eyes, its all dark and weird cause of all these years i’ve been crying.
plus, i feel like in my life, there’s a huge similarity between life on earth and life in hell. there’s absolutely no difference. its EXACTLY the same. so maybe i should just kill myself, yes?
i’ve been thinking of suicide for a really long time now.
and i feel like […]
I don’t wanna be helped I just wanna be heard. I had this thought awhile ago….on one of my lonely nights when I had nothing but a razor blade for company. If a person wants to commit suicide its not right of you to start rambling on about how its not a smart decision to do it you have your whole life ahead of you just give it time things wil get better…cause even though you can “relate” to them you’ll never fully understand them because nine out of ten times they won’t let you. Im not exactly sure what the point of this is […]
as i sit here in this cold dark room i think of you… and everything i would do for you.. i just drove home at 2 am to talk to you to make you happy again.. and i was drunk off my feet cause iv been havnin a shity week.. iv risked everything i just got back for you 🙂 and im willing to risk my life for you… and idk why but since  you said yes EVERYTHING is turning around for me 🙂 i got a job my car back im makin money and.. im accually happy.. and i know i worry and get jealous […]
I need someone to text.. :/
or call
or anything.. just.. yeah
Whats the point…every single day iys supposed to get better right?…it doesnt it gets worse. The more I hold back the more it hurts. I dont like talking to people. Sympathy will only go so far. They will never understand what it feels like to scream while crying themselves to sleep or to not be able to show your arms because they are covered in scars from slashing their wrists everytime they take a shower…
Okaie so I’m going to sum up every thing real quick from my last two posts.
One every one was dieing in front of my face. My parents (Last year, while I was living in Germany!<3) and my real brother und sister died. Then my adopted sister, sweet as can be died and so did my best friend.
Two Sisters funeral.
anyway…. i feel all depressed because I remember the memories and I feel like crap….. I’m like wow… what do I do with my life? … do i stay? or do I go? . . . any advice?
Eat. thats all what i really want to do right now. I dont care if its leftovers and i dont care if its cold. I will fucking eat it. I have a serious problem. I thought i was doing so well, but i guess im not. v- v I thought staying in my room will help, but i guess it didnt work for awhile. i barely ate anything today, so thats a good start i guess. Im trying to lose weight. and even if i do i would never be happy about my weight, NEVER. I been thinking about killing myself by drowning. It […]
I love you..
I miss you..
I want you..
… Is it just me?
Am I just losing my mind or
Is it something else?
Everyone just tells me
“You have a life to live”
“You just need to fulfill your potential”
“You’re not working hard enough”
Even my older brother, in his own strange way, is pushing me.
They’re pushing alright…
Pushing me closer and closer to the edge.
I have one step towards the psych ward and the other towards the cemetary.
I hold on for others, but I’m so tired…
Just give me some time to sleep
Help me
Save me
From my downward spiral
Into a neverending pit
I’m scared to live
Scared to die
Scared to fail
But I can’t seem to succeed…
My smile is warm
But my body is […]
Everything i do i get depress. I dont know why and i dont know how. Right now im just sad. I dont feel very good. Ugh i think im going to throw up. Im at my auntie’s and i guess im babysitting. Ain’t life the greatest. Having fake happiness and smiles on your face. Thinking everything is fine when its not. Always looking down and just walking away annoying the people who call out my name. I dont mean to do that but i guess im not in the mood to talk or anything. Ugh i feel like im going insane. Getting mad over the […]
I’ve just rent a helium cylinder, made my hood kit, the only thing left is to go to a motel and die peacefully… BUT now i dont know if this is really what i want to do. I’m sick of living, dont want to work, study, date, ANYTHING. The only thing holding me right now is my mom, who loves me, but i’m sick of living for the others… 🙁
i’m actually going out for the first time in like 2 months. like a proper night out in birmingham, lol. so i guess thats something good. i wasn’t going to, but thought i’d just get up, so i’ll get ready in a bit, actually made a cd for the car too, who knows, maybe it will make me feel better. but just thought i’d share that something positive had come from this site for me, so hopfully it can for all of you too.
I keep telling myself that not everything is so damn complicated, not everyone is going to hurt me.
“They don’t think the same way as you.”
“Just fucking grow up and trust.”
“Why the fuck can’t you just be normal?”
I try, I do try to convince myself that not everything has to be so… This. Complicated, hard, stressful, mind-numbingly stressful. But no, still I make it more than it has to be.
“He obviously knew I’d be asleep when he called me on Skype at 3am. He just wants to hurt you and make you feel guilty.”
“They’re ignoring you, just face it and move on. […]
hi frnd i am not happy to my life so i want to die ,i m grl who never keep happy to any bdy (nor father ,mother and no my husband)……………i wnt to just die
Thank you… Thank you for telling me what i did wrong. Now i know what i can kill myself about over the next two days while thinking of a way of making it up to you. I’ll keep your word when you said Good Bye. And sorry to argue, but no, it wasn’t a lie, every word i said was true. And you can trust me. Yes, I am still dieing of your exact words “bye daniel.” I love you and I always will, but now its my turn to say, you know where to find me. Even if you forgive me, I can never […]
Trust…
Do we have that?
Do you trust me?
Do you BELIEVE me?
I cry and soon after realize that well.. It’s my fault. My ex’s were right. I am a screw up. I deserve to be put in my place. Every time they put their hands on me and left a mark to remember each time… I deserved it. Every cut of mine is a memory. Every scar of mine is another fucking memory. I understand I’m not pretty. I understand that my body is just… Horrific. My mouth should be kept shut… My hands kept to myself. I shouldn’t speak when you speak. I shouldn’t […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUkHkyy4uqw&feature=player_detailpage
I was suicidal years ago..and thought it was gone for good. I’m 3oish now and it has returned. I have found that I can not be Independent. When faced with making friends, I must be too self infatuated to make any. Isolation has destroyed me. It has beaten me, I put in such a good fight and sustained my body and mind for so long…or have I. I smoked so much weed during the time I felt I wasn’t depressed…just vegged out and played video games. These addictions only covered it. I must have been depressed this whole time. I just found a way to […]