I’m a twenty year old in college… and there’s a lot that’s happened in the past few years that has made me question life in its entirety. Prior to my senior year in high school, my father was diagnosed with lung and esophagus cancer. It was a difficult struggle to see the dramatic changes my life took in terms of my family, friends, and my responsibilities. I took it upon myself to acquire a job and help with the family. I fought and struggled and did my best to help with the family in hopes that my father would get better. […]
I realize that there are many of you who are in the same amount or worse pain than I am. I need to tell my story, and hope that someone can help me.
The past five years have been a nightmare for me.Â One of my very closest friends died at the age of 48 from a brain tumor.Â My Mom had a stroke, and then died last year from cancer after receiving a cancer-free diagnosis only a month before.Â IÂ lived with her and was her primary caretaker for four years.Â I asked my family if I could live in our home until January (I would […]
I… really don’t know what to do. Yesterday, I wrote a post that expressed my desire to no longer live, and yet, I find that something odd is holding me back. Between the wonderful comments yesterday and my family actually being nice to me despite me not even saying much to them, I was actually… happy. I was able to forget about my self- loathing and have a day where people… cared? Such a weird word for me to say. But, I woke up this morning coming down from my high from yesterday- to hear my brother expressing his love for his girlfriend, aka, the […]
I never thought things would come to this… but here I am, writing.
At age 25 I found out that I had to have urgent open heart surgery to replace my aortic valve. I was in 60% heart failure without even knowing it and could have died at any time. I had the procedure done, and am alive and kicking… though I opted for a tissue valve (so I could enjoy a higher quality of life) and was told that it would only last roughly ten years. It is now three years later, I just turned 28, and post-traumatic stress disorder finally kicked in. I moved […]
The simplified version is just that i hate myself. I hate myself completely with no room for positive. I’ve tried going to get help, but i end up shutting them out.Â I am a despicable human being. With no purpose in life. I’m not contributing anything to this planet, my family, or anyone else’s life. I can’t look in the mirror anymore. I have no friends because i don’t and wont trust anybody. I’ve never known love only rejection. I only seem to piss people off when I am around. It seems to me that everyones’ life that i have come in contact with would […]
I don’t know where to start. All i know is at 29 i should be further in my life than this. I’ve had SEVERE anxiety issues since i was in elementary school. I had to quit school and get my GED because of it. I went to cosmetology school and didn’t take my test because i was too nervous and was scared i was going to make an a** out of myself. Anyway, my dad who has cancer pays my rent. They denied me for food stamps so i have no food and no way to pay my bills. I’ve tried to work but because […]
I hate myself, I want to die
No one understands, no one cares
This world would be a better place,
If only I didn’t exist
The pain never stops,
The darkness is closing in
I close my eyes and hope they never open again
I want to scream,
All this rage inside
I wish I had a gun,
To end all this craziness inside in my head
I am so alone,
Â So Much emptiness inside
Why can’t anyone here me?
Because nobody cares.
All these tears keep falling,
I wonder how theres any left
My heart is beating so fast,
I feel like it’s slowly breaking
Why can’t it just stop?
To take one last final breath in this world,
Would bring such peace inside
Why is […]
God I was so stupid for thinking that he loved me. a week ago my fiance of 2 years left me for another girl. I really thought that he loved me ya know….I have been tried to be the best girlfriend, I don’t know what I did wrong. I just want someone that will love me for me and not try to change me. I’m so sick of trying to be everyones number one girl and all I do is fail. I want it all to end I don’t care anymore….
I’m so very sorry. I’ve made a permanent decision that in 2 months, I will definitely kill myself.
Please, don’t try to change my mind. I’ve made it up, and you all shouldn’t waste your energy on filth like me.
I’ve been living in a fantasy world for years now, and the wall separating my fantasy world from the reality I’ve never wanted to face has finally come down. I’ve truly seen how horrible of a human being I am now, and it has become intolerable.
I don’t blame the world, or even my surroundings. I blame me for being a selfish, stupid and ungrateful person.
Though this may […]
I’m a 25 year old who is married to a very loving husband. Really he is my only good thing in my life. I feel so depressed because I can’t graduate from college. I’ve tried to hard to pass math to graduate but its not working and I’m unable to finish. I have taken it several times and I have tried every method in the book. I am just not a math person. So I’m working at a movie theatre with teenagers to make ends meet even though I’m barely making them because I get min. wage and not very many hours, just part time. […]
Maybe I’m not nearly as important as I was a few months ago. I may not be at the top of your priority list, or even in the back of your head. But I want you to know I admire you more than anyone in this entire world. And I’m more proud of you than you could ever know. I’m more than happy for all that you have achieved, and I wish I could have the courage and the strength that I have witnessed from you. You taught me how to love and gave me feelings no one has ever given me. I know […]
It’s obvious I am hated by everyone, they just don’t say it. I really wish they would just tell me that they hate me instead of pretending. I mean, who would want to spend their time hearing some stupid retard ***** about her life? I don’t know what to do. I’m always tired, but now I am so tired that I can’t even act happy around two people!!! This school year I’m gonna tell everyone to stay the hell away from me because, again, no one wants to listen to me. I am pretty sure I need help but I’m too scared to try. I […]
My dad’s job makes us move around alot and i’ve finally had enough, I can’t take losing all my friends over and over again. I started cutting a while bck, after my grandad ahd died,Â and sme teachers noticed it and put me into counciling which helped for a while but then a teacher who was realli helping me deal with everythink, she wasn’t judging me or anythinkÂ like that but she seems to have forgotten about me and once again I’m left alone with no-oneto talk to no-one to lean on or nothink. I feel as if I’m invissible. My friends talk about me behind my […]
IÂ was at the hospital the past couple of weeks & I’m so scared.Â I’m 18 and I’ve been homeless since Jan., I weigh 70 lbs & I’m barely alive.Â Everytime my brain tumor goes away, Humphrey (yes I named it) comes back & I’m so sick of hospitals & life.Â Then they said I was dangerous to others & wanted to send me to a mental institution but I barely dodged a bullet and left. Since I was 8 I’ve had to rely on someone else to help me live [AKA hospitals/doctors] & I hate it. I hate bothering people. I’ve attempted suicide but was […]
She told me to get the rant out. Say all things that you keep telling yourself over and over quietly. Half of them, you won’t even mean or believe. Then talk to her. My mom. That’s all I ever want to do is sit down and talk to her. Have a conversation. In the past five years I’ve cut, made myself throw up, started smoking pot, drinking excessively and ending up in the hospital. I don’t know what I am doing or even why. I am impulsive like my father.
No one knows. My sister calls me psycho, I forgive her. But maybe I am. The […]
Thank you for the replies sent to me to tell you a bit more about me i will,
when i was 4 years old I was hit by a car the driver worked for the goverment and he was driving drunk when he hit me with his car i went 20 feet at the time in the air came down hard on my head this kept me in hospital for 6 months with stuff all over my head then when Iwas 6 years old i had to share a bed with one of my uncles while in the bed with him I was made to […]
1/ I have nothing to look forward to anymore in my life as over my life time I have been fisically motioal vrebally abused sexually because of all this abuse that I have been through i can’t sllep well without having nightmares of the abuse i have also spent time in prison where I was sexually abused there by older males I have tried to commit susicide a lotal of 93 times since my first sexual abuse at me when I was 9 yeras old when I was in a state home for boys the first time was done by a boy aged 16 years […]
To all whom seem depressed,annoyed about life and many occasions due to failure I can tell you right now that God is the way out of it.Sure you might laugh at first or you may not but trust me it is.I can’t sayÂ thats how I came out of it because I did’nt.Though I can say I felt the same way many of you did at some point in life.Think about it.Why would this happen to me?Why is life always hating on me?Or any other question you can add.Go to God accept him as your personal savior confess to him that you are a sinner […]
I have a very hard decision that could either make or break my life. So in the beginning of the year our guidance counselr came and told us to come and make an appointment with her if we ever needed to. So one day I wanted to meet her, and I also knew that I get upset alot so, this could be good for me! And as she got to know my problems more we meet more and more and I told her every thing… almost everything that is. One day I come in bawling and she says I don’t look so good. And we […]
I’m going to be camping for the next month or so. I’m excited, and terrified. I’m excited because I get to see my only friend for the first time in months. And I get to meet other kids from other countries. But I’m terrified because of my anxiety, sleeping issues, fears, and problems. I’m afraid of showing to much of my body. And that is a huge problem because we shower in the same room (not the same shower). And the bathroom stalls are so small it’s impossible to change in them. I HATE changing in front of people, even if their girls. I’m also […]