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1

Loss of my Mom.

  March 30th, 2009 by Demoniaque

Just this year on Jan 28 09 my mom passed away.

At first I couldnt beleive it. I was with her in the hospital and she was fine.

I go sit with my grandma and then next thing I hear is CODE BLUE!!

I didnt know what that meant but they sent the nurses to my mom room.

Minutes passed and the Dr came out saying ” Im sorry but her heart just gave out. ”

At that very moment my entire world collapsed!

A month pass after her death and I remembered something.

She would always give me a hug before I went to school.

I burst out in tears and reached [...]
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5

Why live.

  March 30th, 2009 by Zakulover101

so it 12:00 in the morning and I can’t sleep, why I have’nt been able to sleep for ages.

as I was was lying awake in my bed I thought about my life and why its worth living, I thought should I just go into my kitchen and take all the pills, or go to my dresser and pull out the razor?

I lyed there and thought why why should I live, when no one seems to care, the only thing I live for are broken promisses, lies and pain.

When I go to school there’s only mean glances and people judeing your every move.

when I get home [...]
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2

My days are full of darkness

  March 29th, 2009 by si-1966

Its geting harder and harder as the days of my life with in the darkness go on i see no way out now and think its best if i just slip away to the train line .I have tryed so many times before to end my life and each one i have failed at but the train line seems the end for me . My life i have failed at in everythng i do i just fail all the time ,i dont see a way out now .I have help from the doctors and rethink but i just dont want to waste there time anymore.Yes [...]
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3

What if there’s nobody to care

  March 29th, 2009 by johnnarose

All this is well and good for somebody to find somebody to talk to — who cares — but what if you’ve got nobody who does.  I held off from taking my life, as long as my mother was alive, and now she’s been gone for over two years.  I have no other family — and I never will.  I’m 60 years old, and it’s too late.  I’m retired — so there’s nobody I work with — and the financial deal that I thought I would have so as to purchase the house I was leasing is not going to work, since most of my [...]
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4

  March 29th, 2009 by connor

I don’t want to kill myself. But I don’t want to be alive. I just want something to happen. Anything. I could freeze to death. Just walk outside and wait. Here in Alaska it would be a matter of minutes. But I don’t want to kill myself. I want it to be by a freak coincidence.


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8

I doubt that I’m actually going to kill myself…

  March 29th, 2009 by DanielA

…but man, does the thought seem appealing at times.  It’s been cathartic to read through some of these posts.  They really do let me know that I’m not completely alone in this, and I want to thank the creators of this site right now.  It’s interesting to see the range of people and problems that are out there, and recognize where I fit in.  Some people on the site seem to be reacting to moments of incredible emotion while others are feeling the weariness of long periods of depression, numbness, and a general lack of interest in life.  I think I’m in the latter category.

By [...]
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3

Message to those left behind

  March 28th, 2009 by July

I won’t presume to know everything that your loved one was thinking or feeling before they committed suicide, but I would like to take a moment to try to explain a little bit of the logic behind suicide.  Again, I’m no expert, only someone who has been wanting to die for more than 30 years.

I feel that people don’t understand what suicidal people are going through, and consider them selfish for doing it.  I disagree.   WHY would you want your loved one to live, suffering each and every day???  It’s not about being selfish, it’s not even about NOT thinking of family and friends…it’s about [...]
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12

A DECONSTRUCTED LIFE

  March 28th, 2009 by deliriousgirl

Yesterday was my brother’s birthday.

My brother, who would have been 47 years old, committed suicide by hanging himself from his attic trapdoor in the hallway of his house on December 15th, 2008.  He left no note, no explanation, no message of any kind.  Since his death I’ve had the near-obsession of recreating his life from the scraps that were left.  An email here and there (I was able to hack into his computers), a receipt from Home Depot (for rope, plastic zip ties, and a metal pole) that was dated four weeks prior, bills and business files, phone calls and messages on his cellphone, the [...]
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5

I just dont know…

  March 28th, 2009 by twoblueshinigami

im a 15 year old girl, who, for as far as i can remember, never had a bondage with her father, or anyone else. everybody that knew me as a kid would tell you the same. that when my father (or anyone) would walk into the room id go ‘uh uh uh uh’ (with in dutch is something like, oh no no no no) to shoo them out of the room. the only person in my life i could tell anything to is my mom. even tho i dont even tell her everything, too.  for example, i never told her i made a false account [...]
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2

how do you know when enough is enough?

  March 28th, 2009 by jcj99

when is it okay to die?
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3

  March 27th, 2009 by Brokenshadows

Ok then, I don’t suppose there is much point me lying anymore. I do that a lot, lying, it always seems to be the best way to continue without actually living or letting anything out. The problem is I want to live, I don’t want to be one of these people that just pretends to be someone else and never feels true emotion. I suppose it’s easy, I should know I’ve been doing it for the fourteen years of my life. But these days I just feel myself wanting to scream and breakdown, I don’t want to put a brave face on it; I [...]
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4

  March 27th, 2009 by JoaoMario

Since i came to my new school i felt depressed from the very start. I’m 16 and at my age i’m not required to study anymore. If i fail this next year i won’t be allowed to study anymore and my life won’t have a meaning. Sometimes i just want to end it by cutting my wrists, or taking a pill jar but i just cant get the courage.


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5

Just another day

  March 26th, 2009 by BarryB

It saddens me to see these young kids considering suicide as an option.  You have a long time left to live and you’ve got rampant hormones.  You need to ride it out and see what the future provides.

Sadly I have seen what the future provided and now that I’m 45, I’m not sure I want to continue.  I’m going on my second divorce.  I haven’t had a sex life in 20 years.  I spent 10 of those years looking for the right woman and 10 of them married to the wrong woman.  The prime of my life has passed me by and I got robbed.

The [...]
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4

I just needed to type something…tell something.

  March 26th, 2009 by kp

When I think of myself more often then not I just want to puke. I used to be so happy and free spirited and I feel high school and just recent events in my life is ruining me. I am more cynical, I dont get along with parents, I dont have a 4.0, I feel fat and ugly…i am a let down to my amazing little sister and my life is just one big treadmill. Its like ive climbed on and cant get off. I just have to keep running because I cant stop or I will get flung off and I dont know how to [...]
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4

Brenda Kastning

  March 25th, 2009 by Robby

I lost her as my real wife in the eary 70’s.

Now as I am 56, married, one child; I yearn to hear from her. I hope life has been kind to her.

Such is a little less on my end. I never made it out of Bothell. 

 


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2

Such a burden and disappointment

  March 25th, 2009 by Dahass

I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. I don’t really know why. I just don’t like to be alive. Nothing has ever happened to me, and I think for most of my life, it hasn’t been a horrible life. I just don’t like living it anymore. It’s getting harder to deal with.

I’m 28, separated from my husband for a year now and have an unplanned pregnancy with someone who I wish would die. I’m not that lucky though. I miss being with husband, I love him more than anything and would do anything for him. We have 2 beautiful girls.  I wish [...]
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11

April 12th

  March 25th, 2009 by escapee

That date might not mean much to you, it’s just like easter sunday or monday or whatever, to you. To me, that’s going to be the date on my grave; May 1994 – April 2009. I’m doing it then, simply because that’s when I’m guarenteed no one [my grandparents, my brothers] is going to walk in and somehow manage to prolong this. Somehow manage to like, spring me back to life and race me to the hospital so they can “save” me while still conveniently managing to give me amnesia or something so I forget that I’m supposed to DIE.

Also, they’ve told me they’re sending me to [...]
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2

psychological hypochondriac

  March 25th, 2009 by The long sweet cadence down

i tried to hang myself when i was like 8 or 9 with a jump rope. i was 13 when i took like 8 different bottles of pills. both attempts didnt work, obviously, but i still have horrible nightmares of past experiences and some weird memories of abuse are coming back to me. i wonder if im going crazy and making stuff up (im 17)… i admit that i’d rather be alright and have had a life where NOTHING bad has happened and everything is perfect but im wondering if im not a psychological hypochondriac..the memories are so vivid though. i can remember feelings, [...]
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1

is it incest?

  March 25th, 2009 by The long sweet cadence down

is it incest when its your adopted uncle who molests, etc…?

i was 6 or 7 at the time and he was 16 or 17….

i remember him always saying that i had ‘sexy legs’. and i remember being in a room with him and i was naked and crying and he was laughing, i cant remember if he was naked but i know his adoptive mom, my step grandmother, came in and started beating him and then it goes blank..

 

is that incest?


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2

The Darkness Has Won

  March 25th, 2009 by si1966

I dont know why i have joined this site.Where do i start ? The darkness has over come me now all my past has come out of me.I mean i was abused whan i was in childrens home at the age of 9 im now 42.It took me till the age of 37 to tell some one what had happed after several atemps to end my life about 5 years ago.I was told nothing could be done so again i was let down and had to hide it all again.My first wife and i split over all this ,yes we have kids .I remarried just [...]
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