Not sure what I’m doing here. Last Saturday I decided that it was time. After many years of living with the urge to take my own life and just as many years trying to find happiness, I’ve surrendered. If I haven’t managed to find a way to be happy by now, not likely that I will in the future and well…..I’m tired of it…..I actually felt serene. Yesterday I procured myself 2 g of KCN. Â Â I feel compelled to get my things in order first. Write up a will, pay bills, cancel cards and its may seem silly but clean my apartment and go through […]
Im i enjoying it (Life) No. Shit i have not been enjoy in it in year’s
So that’s that. Selfish. I konw. Why do i still fined it hard to exit cause the world not so bad. Ok i sound selfish i dont mined working hard. of anything. Just been isolated is boring lost all motivation to do any thing just get pissed. Runing out of money
soon. with in like four or five week’s. Ive got my kit all i need to exit. My life bullshit so im out of here. Took a lot of time think it
out.This the right move for me. […]
hmmm, I’m actually finding it harder and harder to remember what I’ve done during these days. I know I wake up, I know I at least eat something, today I know I went to BF’s work to recharge my computers, and use his phone for internet access, woot. I should recharge my emergency phone sometime soon. I did have “chicken in a box” when we had returned, later than expected, ate around 5ish to about 5:30ish. I also helped BF with some XSU stuffs, mostly cutting out letters from poster boards. He put on “1000 ways to die” on the comp, and we watch the […]
This is my first and possibly last post. I actually stumbled on to this site not because of suicide, but rather because I’m trying to figure out how to get rid of other self-destructive habits. I bite my nails, scratch at my body and face, and this isn’t even the full extent of it. I was suicidal for a long time for various reasons, and I’m only now coming to realize that even if I get a long pretty well in the world, I still have scars to hide. There are still things that make me cry uncontrollably, but it’s ultimately the most calming thing […]
Hi…
I’m new to this site. I guess the two main reasons that I joined are that I wanted to see what my morbidity looked like splashed across a computer screen and the other to read and share with others who obviously feel as hopeless and lost as I do.
I’m a 26 year old woman who has ‘suffered’ with borderline personality disorder, had the misfortune of  being both naturally sensitive and aggressive, been through a lot in general and dealt with rapid cycling manic depression for nearly 20 years. I don’t think I am a bad person – I am just very messed up. My heart […]
Yeah me neither. So for those of you who don’t know I play in a couple jazz bands at school, I play bass, and that is something that I love doing. I was later diagnosed with tendinitis in my wrist and fingers because of bass playing and it can be quite painful sometimes but has never really slowed me down. More recently I was diagnosed with Tinnitus, noise induced hearing loss, it’s because of our drummer who plays extremely and unessacerely loud, I stand beside him for 1-2 hours each day. We have told him to shut up numerous times and to not play when […]
Is there an admin on this site, or anyone that can be contacted to report people who abuse the posts, and what not? I mean, there are just some people that just shouldn’t be on here, and furthermore, those stupid ads… just so dumb.
Believe it or not.. Im a 12 year old girl.. Yeah. I really hate life.. So i think I should share my story with everyone..
While I was growing up, I always thought my life was perfect.. But as I got older, i started to see things a new way.. I had NEVER EVER gotten abused by my parents.. They both loved me very much.. And then came along my little brother! Anyways, as the years passed, bills were not being payed, mom started to smoke, things not being told, dad leaving, almost getting evicted from our house.. Ive always been told to look […]
Jack The Ripper is an unsolved case, along with one of the suspect Carl Feigenbaum, a merchant sailor already electrocuted in 1896 New York for his crime caught in America, the truth of the confirmed Ripper seems to be forever buried, as many unsolved cases of crime or as in life.
Only if one searches for the truth, will one find that the places he frequented as in Germany, America and London, those mutilated murdered victims happened there were all left with signatures the same with a cross sliced on the flesh as the one he mutilated in America, and that matched The Ripper Cases in […]
I haven’t posted in awhile… but I’m tired of life. I have about 4 days left until the day I said I was going to do another suicide attempt. Nothing really changed, except I got worse. I’m alone again. Alone right now. Forever will be alone. Abandoned. Used. Toyed with. Messed around with. Lied to. Betrayed. I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate everything.
I already know what’s wrong with me. I already know what can help me, but I can’t solve it. I screamed to be saved long ago. Some offered. I believed them. They betray and abandon me just the same. I […]
For those of you out there who have a partner please try to realise how lucky you are. Some of us don’t even have that or have had it for some years. I would give anything to have a girlfriend right now, If I did then I would certainly have one good reason to keep living. Imagine how sad you’d be if you didn’t have them. You’d probably be as sad as me. So please, think of what you have, please.
Im in Ohio its a beautiful day and i just got paid and i still just want to go to bed wtf is wrong with me. I also keep having these horrible mood swings where im perfectly fine riding home with my man and ill start calling him annoying and screaming at him for no reason and i just hate the site of him the rest of the drive home. then ill be fine again its so wierd and i cant help it. hes the only one that im mean to all the time its like i take everything out on him. he doesnt deserve […]
This may be my ninth or tenth post by now. I really feel fucking herendous now its just stupid. I know I will cause pain for the ones I love but if they’d have loved me enough then they’d have seen the condition I’m in and cared and actually do something. I finally feel at ease with the thought of killing myself. I feel peaceful somehow, surely this will make my decision that bit less stressful.
i tried to kill myself the other day. i had a filleting knife. my ex was with me, and i had just apparently scared her like hell, cause i set her on the ground, cause she wouldn’t get out of my way. so she went to her room and cried, and cried… all i said was, “you can’t be scared. you’re like the only thing i have left…” and she turned away from me. i leaned on the wall with both of my hands, let my head back, then slammed it into the wall. i dropped unconscious for a couple seconds, and when i woke […]
i already take care of my 2 year old niece everyday except on those rare occasions when her mom wants her for a night or so. i get up with her when she crys at nite, feed her, give her a bath and right now she sick so i got to deal with that to and still get up at 6 in the morning to go to school. now my mom wants me to get a job our i got to move out and still make good grades with out help with watching hailey. i dnt know what im ganna do im really starting to […]
I’m tired of the same things. I can barely name all the things I’ve been called. Here are the ones from this week.
Fatass
Idiot
Retard
Cutter
Emo *****
Freak
Stupid
Pathetic
Wastrel
Annoying
Creepie
Shut up
What is wrong with you?
Go and die
Fuck off
Turd
Immature
Repulsive
Fat lipped
Slut
Whore
Trite
Bland
Unoriginal
Chichéd
Stereotypical
Whining
Ungrateful
Useless
Pointless
Hopeless
Fucked up
Weird
Big thighed
Weird
Lesbo (I am not. I am questioning and maybe pansexual.)
tomorrow is my college’s annual spring carnival, which means everyone gets wasted and have a good time. i think this year, instead of watching from the sidelines, i’ll join in and drink till i blackout. maybe then i’ll be able to get the courage to finally leave this hellhole of a life.
It’s fun when you can find a song you can relate to.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E31eh1L7h1s&feature=related
I woke up briefly to BF on his way out to turn in some paperwork. Hopped on his comp he offered for a bit to play a small amount of Farm Country, I logged off earlier than expected due to boredom yet again, but prior to doing so, I’ve told him I would scan his computer one of these days so I set the scanners in motion.
I went back to sleep for a small nap. BF then later came back around 11ish with some bad news, but that’s their news. Both BF and I took another nap because of how early we’ve woken up. […]
I’m so tired.
Tired of acting like I’m happy.
Tired of pretending that I’m ok.. As if anyone cared to ask.
Tired of existing.
Tired.
I just wish I could go to sleep.
And stay asleep.