It’s 4:30 in the morning and no one will listen to my stupid nonsense. It’s been a little over a year since my last post on here and I’m basically in the exact same boat still. I’m still bald at 20, I haven’t had sex in 4 years, I’m down to just a handful of friends, and now to throw an even bigger wrench in my plot, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m trans which is exactly what I need living in rural New York. I know my friends care about me cause they still won’t let me die no matter how […]
My fate was sealed on Wednesday 28th August when a govt psychopath took away the last bit of autonomy I had.
I deeply regret that day when the cut wasn’t deep enough to die or even for a good stitch. I thought I had reborn the morning next and that I should start rebuilding myself – bit by bit. I hoped that that regret will wipe away. I would have my life within my limits and I’ve grown in all these months to not care for the world. Hoped a lot but sadly, here I am – again shattered, crying my eyes out and pain hammering my heart. I am simply thinking about how this present wouldn’t have existed if I was successful in doing what […]
I was reminiscing today about many things and I decided to take a trip down memory lane and somehow wound up on here again. As I was reading through my old posts, it hit me: all those times when the people I love told me it would get better were times when they knew better than I that it would, in fact, get better.
3 years ago I broke up with the person I thought at the time was the love of my life. It took a while to fully get over the pain, but the struggle revealed ways that I could work on myself that […]
Lost in the dark, with no lights anywhere.
Just walking around getting pulled around by black figures that mix into the darkness, figures that can’t be seen. I have no control over anything, I’m so confused and lost
Out of nowhere it’s like they’re grabbing my ankles, ripping me underwater. I can’t fight. I can’t breath. im drowning
Finally they let go and I swim to the surface thinking I see some light, get fully onto land and back to walking. Just as fast as I thought I saw the light, I get swiped off my feet and dragged into the darkness that disappeared. As […]
That’s a deep subject..I’m at a loss right now..feeling like I have no good reason to be on this planet any longer but I don’t want to bring anymore unnecessary pain to my 4 beautiful children and their families. I hurt so much physically (fibromyalgia) and mentally. I really don’t know how much more I can take..I’ve always been the one to make the sacrifice..
I’m falling down so hard this week. I just keep spiraling. Every day starts out good then something just makes it bad. Running late to work, my hair not turning out, my boyfriend saying no when I wanted to make him cookies. Each one of those stupid silly things has made me crumble and fall so easily. I just don’t know what to do anymore. The smallest things have me falling and breaking. I’ve wanted to cut so bad this week but I just can’t. I want to let the pain out so bad but I know if I do and my boyfriend sees it […]
first of, i am new here.
I have been thinking about suicide for quite a while now. Reading on this forum does help me a little bit, but every time I read motivating posts about not killing yourself, I get more depressed since my problems are not things like “no one likes/cares for me”.
I am struggling with myself as a person in the last few months. i’ve been doing many things that i’m not proud of, additionaly i ended up in a situatuon where i am alone with myself. No one, even if they wanted to can help me now. feeling like im locked inside a […]
its like i just woke up slowly
i mean dont get me wrong im still depressed and angry at the world
i couldnt tell you how or why but the thoughts just went away
i still think about killing other people but i dont want to die anymore
its like my brain realized that you only really need 1 or 2 reasons to stick around
i got graffiti and i got my little bro
thats worth sticking around for
I used to be very depressed but after making the decision to end my life and setting the date,all of a sudden I’m at peace,nothing disturbs me anymore,why does this happen?
Anyone else ever wish they were still severely suicidal so at least their life would seem to have some meaning? I’ve gotten therapy and help so dying no longer seems like something I’m always thinking about and always wanting. But now I’m just left with this feeling that I don’t really want anything. I always feel like I’m just taking up space without doing anything. But there’s nothing I’m working towards or wanting to do either. I’m just a living shell. I should be happy, but I’m not. More recently I was doing some research. I don’t know if something’s wrong with me or if […]
not suicide related
I really like my boyfriend alot. But I notice the emptyness and darkness in his eyes and soul… always have, really…
He’s pretty overwhelming but he’s not boring lol.
I feel like a burden to him but he doesn’t want to hear it. He’s very agile and flexible (I’m not agile or flexible at all), I have bad gum disease and I get blood on the sheets and pillows, not even my mum gets blood all over pillows and sheets and she’s 66 or something… so I feel disgusting as well and I’m sorry he even has to put up with that. He […]
Suicide is not a joke. Simple as that. So why is it that some people have to go out and make a joke if it? And I’m not talking just like people saying they wanna kill themselves as an expression when something inconvenient happens because I do that too. I mean things like what happened today.
Mum talking to this guy and he really really likes me but I don’t really so our conversations are fairly one sided. I wasn’t talking to him because I said I was busy which I was, then an hour later he texts me again and said he was sorry but […]
I’m in the endgame of my life. I can feel it in my bones. all of the signs are telling me to die. all of the signs are telling me to put an end to this lousy life!!
I’m in love with someone I probably shouldn’t be. Idk if it’s the loneliness making me feel this way or if the feelings are genuine. She is every thing I wish for in a partner yet I can’t help but think I’m just lonely. Would I still feel like this if I had someone to spend some time with? It’s crazy that she’s shown signs of intimacy towards me before. I think I missed my chance. She’s with someone else now and it’s apparently serious. Do I forget about it and move on and be patient I’ll find someone? What would you do?
Im proud of myself because I hadnt rellapsed again. Today I was like “Oh my god, what reasons do I have for not doing it?” Its always in these days, when everything seems insufficient, nothing is satisfying and then the worst mistake I can make in my life seems terribly atractive. But im trying to make things decent now, I dont want to screw up everything.
I need solace
Some things are better left alone. Better left forgotten. But some times it hurts too much to forget.
my insta is fionasmithhh DM me
I start a new job on Wednesday and if I get fired or forced to quit for whatever reason, I’m just going to kill myself without thinking twice.
I not going to sit and hope to wait for things to go my way and put in the energy to look for another job. not doing it anymore.
It’s so over without a second thought 🙂