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10 Years

Why won’t it go away !!!

by basto
written by basto

I have been seriously depressed for 10 years now.  I have been planning to kill myself for about 2 years.  Just when I think that I am getting on top of it all — taking my medication, seeing my psychiatrist, managing my life IT ALL STARTS AGAIN.

I am in a high stress job.  Before I got depressed I was a high flyer.   Heaps of work etc,  Since getting depressed it has all gone away, lost to me, I am worthless, I am a failure etc You have heard it all before.

Now I am starting to have panic attacks.  I do not want to do […]

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How do I deal with depression, without meds?

by richard.sc4
written by richard.sc4

I’ve been feeling depressed for a while now, basically for the last 10 years or so. Really the one person who has kept me from thinking about suicide, and who got me to stop cutting has been my girlfriend for the last four years. A couple days ago she tried to tell me that things weren’t really working out, and basically she thought it would be best if we took a break from being in a relationship. At the time she made a convincing argument, basically saying neither of us has time, effort, or financial stability to deal with a relationship. I’m under the impression […]

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Sick of being judged for someone im not.

by BrookeLee.x
written by BrookeLee.x

Im new here so im just going to start with family, as they say family comes first.

The 11th of november 1995 was the day I was brought into this world. Being 2 hours born and taken away from my parents by a case worker. They say it was for the best, she was a drug addict aswell as an alcoholic and she couldnt look after herself or even support herself so how could she look after me? So I was taken away and put into a foster home not even a day old and straight into a complete strangers house. I obviously didnt know what was going […]

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Can someone help me?

by josethewhite
written by josethewhite

I’m really sorry I made this so long but if anyone can read and respond I’d be very grateful.

 

When I was in 3rd grade, I transferred out of my elementary school and went to a different one. However, when I got to the new school, I was always bullied. I don’t know why, but people just never seemed to like me. I would sometimes get beat up and kicked around at recess. I remember one particular day when they lured me behind a tree in 4th grade and 3 guys beat the hell out of me. Sure, my parents went and talked to the teachers […]

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a crazy X.

by jeseria
written by jeseria

I’m not sure I have a grasp on reality. The only things  I know are my feelings and its hard to see events objectively.

I know that I was in love, I mean real unconditional love…for 10 years. The sound of his voice soothed my soul and being around him made me happy. i know how i felt about him terrified me.   And I know he went away. I know I was on medication for years afterward because I dreamed about him every night and somewhere deep down inside me my soul groaned endlessly – like a demon in hell. The suffering was unbearable and no comfort came. I […]

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My suicide plan.

by laughedout
written by laughedout

Hello, just ranting on about my life.

I am committing suicide soon. I have wanted to commit suicide for a long time (10+ years), but I am at the point now where I know I can kill myself.

The reason I know is that I have been doing things that I would have never done before over the past two or so years. I have forced myself out of my comfort zone, had a ton of experiences I would have never had otherwise, and learnt a lot. One of the things I have learnt is the ability to just DO IT (pls don’t sue).

I said fuck it. […]

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In response to those that messaged…

by LoveLost55
written by LoveLost55

There seems to be a common theme when I get messages or responses from people on some of my posts.  I would like to address those now.

1. “Time will heal”(or any variation of that): My answer is this, it has been over 10 years for me.  I hurt like it is day 1.  My heart has not healed, in fact, it is very much an open, gaping wound.  Every where I go I see her.  I feel her, I sense her… it isn’t going away.  Time is only making it harder on me.  If it was getting better, if I was truly on the path […]

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Seconds away from death.

by Different
written by Different

Today I was seconds away from ending my life. What changed my mind I still do not know.

 

After 10 years of SEVERE deppresion I am tired, I am tired of it all. I am exhausted.

I tried fighting back for year after year. Medications and therapy(many different therapists) for 10 years and I have not moved a single step forward. Not one step..

2 years ago I gave up. After 8 years of trying I was tired of fighting and in the end i realised I am never going to feel joy again.  I gave up hope.

I have always had suicidal thoughts for as long as I […]

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No matter how many times I try I always fail

by Raphaelink
written by Raphaelink

My name is Rodney ,

When I was born my father didn’t except having a son and left my mum all alone my omother tried to abort me but then an 11 year old boy at church told her not to. I really dnt belive in Miracles.

As I got to the age of 2 my mum would just leave me alone home in darkness going out with different men. My childhood was awful I saw some things that have scard my life By the time I was 5 years old I could not speak so I had to do surgery it only made my life worse […]

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Deep hate for an innocent child.

by Danni
written by Danni

In my family there’s only four. My mother, my father, my sister, and I. Being 10 years apart (my sister and I), I looked up to her, always wanting to be like her, she moved out when she was 18,  and I was so excited, and happy for her being independent, and all. Anyways, she moved to a city, we (my father, mother and I) thought she was doing well. She was in Uni, independent, and partying, just like any other young adult, but unfortunatley she was mixing her priorities wrong. Too much partying and not enough studying, lead to her not sending my parents […]

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Slow Suffering

by Danni
written by Danni

I’ve had depression since I was around 10 years old. My father used to bash me for every little thing, whilst my mother would just sit, watch and laugh. It’s been some years now, my parents did however get better, BUT that’s only after I finally grew the courage to tell the police, anyways  just two days ago, I celebrated my 19th birthday,  I thought about killing myself at the end of the night, but couldn’t mostly because 3 of my friends were with me till morning. Anyways, I try to move on, every day, but the memories always haunt me, and it’s not only […]

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Stranger of Cancer

by Miss.Mayhem
written by Miss.Mayhem

You know what would be wonderful? If I got Cancer and died. See I would reject Chemotherapy and then I’d die sooner or latter. Then everyone would talk about me after I died like I was such a wonderful person.

“She fought so hard”

“There was always a smile on her face”

“She could always make me laugh!”

Maybe my dad would finally show his face at my funeral…first time in almost 10 years…Or maybe my mom wouldn’t even tell him about it…My teachers would probably come. I was a very loved student. I hardly ever did my homework and I was failing most of my classes but they’d come…I’m sure of it. My reading teacher […]

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Just My Thoughts…

by somatic
written by somatic

I can’t help but feel bad when I see young children looking so happy without a care in the world.
Just knowing that 10 years later there’s a possibility of them developing an eating disorder, or getting depressed, or going through anything that i’m going through, makes me feel so sad.
This shouldn’t be the world they are growing up in, they all deserve better.

Society nowadays sucks.

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Ever downward dive, drowning in endless sky

by DownwardDive
written by DownwardDive

When I was a kid I used to climb rocks and mountains, this one time I slipped and was hanging on the edge of a rock, the fall would have certainly resulted in my demise. I was scared, but then I looked down and for some reason I felt more alive there hanging so close to death. I felt so much life in me on that cliff.
10 years latter, I have finished my education, a bachelors degree and latter a masters degree in computer science and with good grades. I have a pretty decent job. I have pretty much accomplished what ever I was […]

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I am afraid

by agirlinthisworld
written by agirlinthisworld

Tonight I have thought about driving over a bridge, drowning in my bathtub or just slitting my wrists with broken glass. It’s a disease. Suicide is something that takes you over and makes you weaker and weaker.

Strange that today I am willing to take my life when I remember pulling through all the difficulties, I am still alive but it’s not that I have to just keep on going through and surviving through yet another hard time but that I have to remember and re-live the pain of when I first held a bottle of pills. It used to be that nobody knew, that behind […]

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Failed and let down by everyone

by chezasad
written by chezasad

please read

Please give me your best advice

I am a 33 year old mother of two, I was with the father of my son & daughter for 12 .1/2 years. I was 16 when we started our relationship. He was 10 years older then me and how I found out was though finding his driving licence as he told me when we first met that he was 21:- (26)was the truth  even then he still tried to say it was a fake. I should of realised then what he was all about but being only 16 young and being my first love I was blind!! I […]

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This will kill me..

by BrooklynBoxx
written by BrooklynBoxx

The shooting today.. 20 kids dead… 6 adults it brought up so many memories, that may have even no relation.

First the shock that someone can hurt kids so innocent.. then i remember my past 2 people hurt me.. when i was so young.. to innocent to protect myself. At their entire control, my life was basically in there hands…

Then i thought of how these kids would suffer 5-10 years from now. Like i do today, the symptoms of my PTSD have cause severe depression, anxiety, insomnia, psudo siezures, multiple persanality disorder, and bipolar. I agree some of these may not have been a direct result, […]

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I stay alive for other people

by allalone18
written by allalone18

I’ve never felt like i’ve belonged anywhere.On paper i have a pretty perfect life… but i spent 10 years with a secret that drove me to depression.Now the secret is out, i feel like i lost that one thing that defined me for so many years…i dont know who i am anymore.my mom and my bf love me and im trying to survive for them but i dont wanna live.i want to stop existing.it hurts my bf when i tell him that but if suicide is selfish isn’t it equally selfish to force someone stay alive? y wont he let me die…I don’t wanna hurt […]

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They hurt me.

by Beara
written by Beara

Why?
I was only 5 years old. I was just a little girl. I didn’t know anything about sex or touching. But than it happened. I was at my uncles house because my mom and dad were working that night. Me and my little baby brother were sitting in my uncles lap that night. My little brother finally fell asleep. We were watching a movie, I remember the movie got to the part about the yellow brick road. My uncle put his hand down my Pj’s and put his finger in my butt. I remember it hurt really bad and I was tearing up. I […]

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after 10 years of being suicidal, I learned to maintain the light

by simonemd
written by simonemd

I am a twenty-one year-old who most recently spent 9 months putting together my suicide after many failed attempts since the age of twelve. I attended the Menninger Clinic and my life has changed drastically. At the end of the months it will have been six months without making serious suicide plans. After my release from the hospital I began a blog. For myself, but for others too. It shares my story, because I realized that I was not alone. By sharing my story, and sharing that I made it through the darkness, you might see some similarities and come to discover that you can […]

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