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22 Years

give me courage

by Gecko Moria 4/30/2019

written by Gecko Moria

I have been thinking about suicide for over 10 years now. I’m only 22. I fucked up. I will be a slave for the rest of my pathetic life. Money is everything. My life has always been about money.

I was born poor. I will die poor. I will owe money until I’m dead. I doubt I’ll even have enough to get cremated the way I wanted…

My life is a series of small ups and big, spiraling downs. I see a bit of light and something kicks me down to remind me that I’m nothing but trash. I should stay down like the dog that I […]

4/30/2019 4 comments

2016 the eye-opening year

by Ariayanna1994 12/29/2016

written by Ariayanna1994

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The beginning of 2016 was when I got myself together and had my three beautiful children full time I was working as well. I shelters many people family or not and fed the mouth of people who talked bad upon me. I’ve never been the perfect mom sister daughter but I always made sure everyone was good and taking care. October of 2016 was when I experimented with a certain drug. No the drug did not ruin my life but it changed me as a person. […]

12/29/2016 2 comments

Introduction

by chelle 4/19/2016

written by chelle

I think that I’m past the point of being depressed. Feeling has gotten old and I’m tired of it.

I was doing good for a little while, after I had attempted and survived my first suicide attempt in high school. I found things that helped, like meditation and mindfulness.

I read some self help books that really changed the way I think (I’m only mentioning this incase someone reads this, I HIGHLY recommend you read some books by Eckhart Tolle: A New Earth & The Power Of Now)

I used to be a good person. I don’t know if I am anymore. It’s been a while since anyone […]

4/19/2016 0 comment

First time here, guess why.

by WSiff 5/19/2015

written by WSiff

I was searching for some advices or people’s stories to give me some courage to finally commit suicide. I am a mild aspie, obsessive about games and animes(I stopped with both for a while, after the reality shoved on the truth on my face).

Sorry for the long text and I would appreciate if you could read it all and give your opinion. English isn’t my first language.

Since I remember I have an odd behavior, sensitive feet and skin over certain textures, need to separate food on the plate to eat in a certain order, cleanliness, very strict about the position of my toys and obsession over […]

5/19/2015 34 comments

Unforgivable

by sage311 11/23/2014

written by sage311

About a year ago I was had a casual relationship with the best person I have ever met and probably the only person I have loved in my 22 years. One night we hung out and got really drunk and I did a couple of lines of cocaine and smoked some pot and we ended up having sex not for the first time. I got way to exploratory and tried anal with her she said it hurts and then later stop but I didn’t because I am a **** human being. She forgave me and was more angry after I cut myself out of her […]

11/23/2014 16 comments

I’ll never do it!

by RosieLeighGreen 8/22/2013

written by RosieLeighGreen

Today I attended the funeral of a family friend, she was 22 years young and she had taken her own life on the 8th of august. I didn’t know her very well, but anyone could see she was very naturally beautiful with a contagious smile and an infectious laugh.
She was well known and well loved by so many people, all I’ve heard is how amazing she is, how she was free-spirited, selfless, caring and kind. I heard how much she loved people, music and how devoted she was to her family and friends.
I heard she was a beautiful, bubbly, spiritual and loving young […]

8/22/2013 6 comments

Why isn’t there an eraser I can take to a photo and make myself disappear?

by dinolemons 6/26/2013

written by dinolemons

That’s exactly what I wish I could do, honestly. I was looking online to see if there were other people paddling similar canoes as I am, and I wound up finding this place. A place where I can talk about how I feel, where other people might feel the same thing, and where I won’t be judged for it? Somewhere I can truly let everything out without people I personally know wondering what’s going on with me… I’m not entirely sure where to begin, so I apologize for the chunk of words this is going to become.

That’s something that I do a lot, actually.. apologize. […]

6/26/2013 4 comments

My dad took his life and I found him

by clongfl 5/22/2013

written by clongfl

My name is Christiane and I am 20 years old. This is my story.

My mom and dad had been fighting badly the past few years. They had been married 19 years but were together for 22 years. We lived in Florida as the only blood family around. All our family lived in California. My dad would get angry with my mom and fly her there when he thought he was done with her. This was about the third or fourth time it happened and during this last time my mom was in California, my dad took his own life.

On April 11, 2013 I came home […]

5/22/2013 12 comments

Here we go

by michinyo 4/16/2013

written by michinyo

Okay, this will be long winded. I’m sorry.

I’m 22 years old. For the past ten years, I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety. I’ve been officially diagnosed with severe depression, severe anxiety, severe social anxiety and borderline post traumatic stress disorder.

I’ve been through a lot in my life, but I’ll make it short. As a kid, my mom was a pot head and she slept all day while my dad worked two jobs, only seeing him for about 15 minutes a day. Thus, I was left alone a lot as a kid with my brother. My parents eventually split up and my siblings and I […]

4/16/2013 4 comments

Writing out tragedy

by AhimsaShadow 3/29/2013

written by AhimsaShadow

I am a student of suicide. I am fascinated by it and the prospect does not daunt me in the least. However, I cannot seem to do the deed. I cannot end this life of mine. I have tried ~12 times since I was 9 years old and aside from passing out a few times, I have never even gone into a coma.

If I believed in God, I might see his hand being part of this. However, I think I am just not motivated enough to die. Nor to live. I am in living pergatory.

I am 22 years old now. Female. Asexual, but unable to […]

3/29/2013 7 comments

Maybe someone will understand

by Stucke112 3/8/2013

written by Stucke112

since i can remember i have never been happy. i have amazing parents. my father is a state bridge inspector and my mother is a high school history teacher. my dad is older, from an older time and can be a real hardass sometimes, i know he always means well. my mom on the other hand is my hero, the best person i have ever known hands down. i couldnt count the number of people i have met through out the years that have told me, most of the time random people, that have told me that my mom has changed their lives. i have […]

3/8/2013 0 comment

4 am…..

by matb 2/15/2013

written by matb

It’s 4 am can’t sleep , haunted by my past unable to let it go . Keep thinking that there is only one way to make everything go away . Deep down inside I tell myself to just survive the night , it will get better tomorrow . But the thoughts keep flooding my mind , the old friends that I pushed out my life , the family members that I never talk to . Telling myself that if I let no one love me , or get close to me then it wouldn’t be like I’m hurting anyone but myself .
But […]

2/15/2013 0 comment

This is Me

by dontknowanymore 2/15/2013

written by dontknowanymore

I cant bring myself to tell anyone. The one person i love enough to tell doesnt listen. Maybe he listens but doesnt want to know. I hate myself and the life i have. But its not a bad life which makes it so much worse. I have tried to kill myself by cutting when i was a preteen but was so chicken shit i only gave a little scratch. Then as i got older i turned to pills for the pain. Overdosing did nothing but send me off to fitfull bouts of bad dreams only to wake up with a pounding headache. As a side […]

2/15/2013 3 comments

THE BIGGEST LOSER

by mayank5606 1/22/2013

written by mayank5606

i m 22 years old and i m the biggest loser in the world. I have failed in each and every field of life, studies, sports, socialising, relationships, etc. i love a girl very much. but she has no feelings for me and she keeps on saying, “i dont love u, but i want u just as a friend”. these words tears my heart apart. i even stopped contacting her. but she contacts me once in a week and repeats the same lines. i just cant take it any more. but i cant even b rude to her.

i suck in sports. whenever i play i […]

1/22/2013 3 comments

I’ve decided

by wordless within 1/18/2013

written by wordless within

I’ve always lived my life for others……… Its hard to keep doing after 22 years of it……..Â I tried to kill myself last week by jumping into a lake in the middle of the night……….. I was hoping I’d freeze and die…………….. but I didn’t…………. I realized I had done everything I had planned to do in my life……………So why can’t I be happy with it?Â I have a 3 year old son now………….. I saved my husband when I met him from ending his life……………. and I gave him my life………… I try to give him everything and anything to make him happy because […]

1/18/2013 7 comments

I don’t want to be here..

by searching4hope88 12/22/2012

written by searching4hope88

I left my abusive boyfriend/fiancee of 5 years earlier this month.. My parents practically kidnapped me and sent me out of state with realtives to get away from him.. but hes not a threat anymore.. He’s moved on.. told me the new girl he’s with is much better than I could ever hope to be 🙁 well good for them.. I still love him for some reason and that’s what really gets to me.. I know its truly a shame for her because once this happy stage wears off she’ll see his abusive side.. I’m just so hurt.

My parents want me to start my […]

12/22/2012 3 comments

All for nothing?

by silencer22 11/4/2012

written by silencer22

I know this is ridiculously long and most of you won’t care about what I have to say. That’s okay. I just needed to release some depression somewhere. I’ve been feeling worse and worse lately even though I know I’m trying to head in the right direction. I just needed to vent some frustration. I always say I’m doing this for me, changing for myself, but it still kills me when my family shows me how worthless I am… so here are my thoughts for the past week.

Iâ€™m amazed at how well Iâ€™ve become at wearing a mask. Iâ€™m able to conceal my emotions so […]

11/4/2012 39 comments

Feeling like a loser, so why keep trying.

by cocoblair 9/24/2012

written by cocoblair

I just discovered this website and reading some of ya’ll’s posts called out to me and made me want to write stuff down. So why not do it for you people, someone who gets what im going through.

In less than 2 months I’ll be 22 years old. I’ve been thinking about suicide since i was 12. Depression and anxiety have been a part of my life since I was a baby. I remember being 4 or 5 years old, and feeling anxious and unsafe all the time. I grew up in a home where fighting, co-dependency, depression and hysteria was considered normal so I didn’t […]

9/24/2012 2 comments

my story and my plan to die

by lightwithinthedarkness 9/23/2012

written by lightwithinthedarkness

my name is heather im 22 years old and im tired of living. i smile and laugh in a crowd and secretly plan my demise. i dont have the normal reasons why people want to die (if there are normal reasons) im attractive people say. i am a college student and i have a bf. but im just so tired of existing. i fantasize about death almost everyday. im alone in a crowded room, and i cant handle the stress of my past anymore. I plan on overdosing in a forest its a nature center that has trails preston would be so proud lol. but […]

9/23/2012 7 comments

Where am I going?

by goodtillnow 8/28/2012

written by goodtillnow

I have been on this earth just short of 22 years and already I have tried to leave three times. The people that know this all tell me that it’s a good thing, maybe its “ment” to be that I am here. I really don’t think that at all. I really just think that I have not been smart enough this whole time, that I need to make sure it happens for real this time. Yeah sure I have some schooling and people say they like me, but that’s not enough. I don’t like myself. I don’t like where I came from, entire family addicted […]

8/28/2012 2 comments

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