Opened this website today after 3 years. Seems like a pretty long time. Reading the post I had posted back then, a lot has changed.
I was depressed back then, I am depressed now. In fact, more than depressed. But the thing that has changed is, I got used to it. It’s mine. I keep it close to my heart. I go out with friends, enjoy, play, drink. learn stuff and all the things that a normal person does, almost all the things. I have got to a point where I don’t have connections with people. Even in company, I am always aloof. I can’t find the peace, the calm. But it’s fine. I accept it. This is the way I am as of now. Who knows if I can change or not. We’ll just have to wait and see.
About the title of the website, the suicide project, I haven’t dropped the idea. It does get stronger as the time passes. So, when I was down and out 3 years ago, there was one good thing I did. I postponed it. I chose a date in the future, where I’ll kill myself. But till then, I am existing. I still have a few years. The way I am, I don’t think the idea or the date either is going to change. I may be giving it a chance, but it’s pretty bleak one. So, you have to bear with me for a few more years I guess 😛
One thing is better though, knowing that i have only few years to live, a lot of fears are gone. I don’t care that much about the world. Trying to know myself before I die. Trying to enjoy the things as much as I can.
Would love to interact with you all out there, because maybe you are the ones who can actually begin to understand where I come from. Let’s share our scars 🙂