Depression is like a war you either win or lose at battling. Depression is like a cage you cannot get out of. Depression is like suffocating but in reality you’re not. Depression is something most people battle with. It absolutely sucks and I don’t know why people want it. You always want to be alone, not to be bothered with. It’s like being trapped in your own mind you cannot esacpe yourself. I always wonder how different my life would be without Depression. I wonder about how many wonderful things I would do. Hang out with friends. Open my mouth to assholes. Say what I […]
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a war
So, I’m 40. I’m fairly successful, have a girlfriend and a house in a very beautiful part of the US. But I can’t stop crying, if I see a war movie or watch some SVU show I lose it (tho I’ve never experienced either). I think every day about how things would just be easier if I wasn’t here.
I’ve been to doctors, but I largely medicate myself with xanax and tequila.
What the f**k should I do? I want to stop thinking about dying; yet I think about it every day.
I feel like a whiney bastard, but I don’t know how to fix myself.
What would you […]
I was just going over some old stories I wrote (or wrote most of, at least) and I can’t figure out what changed. I used to be able to sit down and write a story that, I was told, was well written and intriguing. I don’t know what changed, but I can’t even sit down to write the final three chapters of a book I know the ending to. Well, it’s technically a graphic novel, one of two that I almost finished, and only because they were my only fantasy stories and sometimes painting the world works better than trying to describe it with words. […]
Hello Fellas,
I have a very painful story.. My uncles & grandparents betrayed my parents when they were newly married.. They were out of house and money.. My mom has a psychological disorder.. My dad has so many confusing decisions.. My uncles killed my 3 elder Siblings.. I am the younger one and the one and only son of my parents.. By the situations and time.. I saw everything Bad.. Some goodness.. I am in love.. But i cant get her.. Bcz she’s in another country.. I was going kill myself last night by jumping off balcony.. But i saw a news in TV infront of […]
We all have our own stories some may be worse than others but Every scar that buries deep within my skin holds its own story, every one of them shows a victory, its showing that I have won yet another battle with life, so why hate me and judge me for what lies on my arm, you don’t judge a soldier for a battle wound or scars because he got that fighting a war for his life, I did the same thing I have won a war for my life and these are the wounds and scars that have been left behind for me to […]
depression is like a war, you either win, or die trying.
Sometimes I’m so tired. I can’t focus my eyes. I barely sleep. My days are a chain of endless blurs. I don’t remember much. I smoke because it makes me feel tough like a soldier fighting a war. Every moment is a battle. It is sometimes perforated by bits of light or a funny moment. I cling to it as it fades and slips through my fingers like the vapor of something once solid.
I know you know that there are no victors in a war, because I know that, and we are us. Let’s raise the white flag together, on 3. Aren’t you tired of fighting? Am I that stubborn? Are we cool?
Many soldiers died on this ground, from both sides. I’m done. There. Helmet’s off. You see my hair. Golden-brown. Ain’t it pretty?
Show me your face. I’ve always wondered how you look like behind that war paint.
Let’s put our guns down.
Let’s hug it out.
I feel you. Do you feel me?
Do you feel the pain? Does it feels familiar?
Does the knife running […]
Hello friends 🙂
So things have gone up and down repeatedly in the past week. I was contemplating ending my life last Thursday. And I obviously didn’t– I was in a bit of a depressed daze, I guess. But I decided to give my “new life” a go. Recently I put in a shit load of effort and got a really fantastic job in the city, a job a lot of people would kill for. I’ve been so busy with that lately. Seems like things should be great for me. And I guess they are. Only I’m now more seriously suicidal than I’ve ever been. Why? Who […]
Another day, and I slowly make my way out of the sleep paralysis that seems to come more often now. Then one by one I drag a foot off my bed and plant it on the floor, feeling surprised that I am still alive, but of course not surprised that I still feel so dead… I look over my shoulder towards the spot in which I had laid and observe the blood stains upon my sheets from last nights battle. Another trigger had been pulled and I was wounded, the cuts are getting a little deeper now, it’s also requiring more to simply balance out […]
I’m tired of a lot of things… It really doesn’t even make sense to me anymore… I mean, I’m tired of living, I’m tired of hurting, I’m tired of breathing, I’m just tired…. And everyday of my life, I think about just being dead… Not even necessarily killing myself… To be honest, I really don’t want to die, yet I don’t want to live… I don’t want to kill myself, but I don’t NOT want to kill myself… Either way…. I’m absolutely exhausted of feeling anything, thinking anything, being anything… The biggest thing I’m tired of…. Is wanting to be dead…..
Despite the fact that I […]
I run today Litterely moving. The world through my eyes is cold. Full of dark colors. The air is crisp around me thin. layers of mist collect on my face under my hat on my glasses. Â I hold my keys in my hands their sound as constant as my steady moving lump of body mass. I run. Its has been a long time since I have run and I can’t remember why I would do such a thing at the moment.Â
My body jiggles forward my mind moves back in memory. forcing me to quite again to walk I keep moving. I remember wanting to die. […]
What in the -Before I get into this, be warned, I am very vulgar- endless cosmic cluster fuck happened to SP? I mean, seriously? It seems after the visual change everyone just kinda changed into argumentative assholes. Well not everyone, but anyway, it seems as though this place has turned into a war zone. It usually hasn’t been like this (Since I found this site a few months ago), except for a few disagreements here and there. But it almost never got like this. But alas, fighting is in human nature. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention; Like I said before, I found this site months ago and […]
I guess, since this is my first post on here, I should tell you all my story.
at age 9 I was oblivious. I was overweight, friendless, but still happy.
at age 10 I started to worry. I was fat as hell, still friendless, but just slightly less than happy.
at age 11 I knew I was a goner. still fat and friendless and I didn’t know what to do about it. I wasn’t happy anymore.
at age 12 I had my first ED thought. I had one friend, and she was my goal. 80 pounds and beautiful. I thought that maybe, just maybe, by losing weight my everlasting […]
Done . Im just done . I fought , i tried . But im broken … Every thought is a battle , every breath is a war ; and i dont think im winning anymore .
“you put me through hell cause loving you is a war
I hope to God you’re happy, I hope that you had fun”
*Nothing’s Forever; Jamestown*
“Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness”
*How to Save a Life; The Fray*
“You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye”
*Say Something; A Great Big World*
“If love’s a fight, then I shall die,
with my heart on a trigger.”
*Angel With a Shotgun; The Cab”
“You don’t know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you”
*The Scientist; Coldplay*
“Til all my sleeves are stained red
alright well i dont understand. is that i go from happy as can be to depressed and then happy again? its a war between sadness and happines with me…
I don’t know why I’m here. Everyone says I have a purpose, but it’s hard to believe. Â You know what I believe? I believe no one truly has a purpose. People only trick themselves into believing they do. I believe that life is just some cruel joke. I believe that life is just a big game. It’s a war.