What do I do when my mother tells me to go live with my father, but my father has been absent for 5 years? What am I supposed to do when non of my parents want to be fucking responsible for the human being they brought to this fucking world? Where do I go?
Now I’m the one who wants to do the abandoning. Partly because this way, I’ll have nothing that keeps me from ending it all anymore. Seems counterproductive, doesn’t it? After all, when we’re at our worst, we benefit from remembering the things that motivate us to stay alive. It’s not like that for me. My relationship with my girlfriend, the few friendships I entertain, the big projects I have organized for the second half of this year… They don’t seem like reasons to wake up in the morning, but like handcuffs that keep me tied to this life I don’t want.
I don’t know if it’s […]
It hurts inside. Doesn’t it? The pain of loneliness, failure, abandonment, disbelief, deficiency.
I have never attempted suicide before and probably will never do that in the future, although I am suicidal. The depressing thought cannot get out of my head. Only watching people who are also suicidal can make me feel much better, because I tend to dispassionately analyze their feelings and so I become an observer rather than a sufferer.
There’s no point to live, but there’s no point to die either, from my perspective. That’s why I’m still alive. There’s no point to do anything. Suicide is such a luxury, an aggregation of Â courage, ego, curiosity, perseverance, nonchalance about collective unconsciousness, motivation, liberation, freedom of self-expression, […]
I just need a break. I so long for relief. The diagnoses just continue to pile up. Anorexia, Bulimia, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Â Getting up the simple will to live is an exhausting task. The mood swings, the voices, the weight gain they’re forcing me to have, the constant abandonment of friends and family. They think they have it hard dealing with me. They have no clue. They don’t see my pain, only theirs. I feel given up on. I’ve given up on myself. I don’t want to die, but I just know that I can’t be saved.
Ever since I was nine years old, I remember always thinking that my father was going to leave me. He always used to tell me that he was going to send me to live with my grandmother just to make me upset. He used to leave me alone in public, in the metro, in the mall, on the street.
My mother did that too. She used to leave me alone in the house for hours at a time when I was three. My neighbors had to call social services, and I was almost taken away. Sometimes I wish I was.
My father still does this to me, […]
he wakes up after an hour of sleep to the screams of something else he didnt do he cant sleep at night because memories are so fresh in his mind of a life destroyed by abandonment and drugs but the drugs are a crutch now without them you feel worse more hopeless then before and it seems like suicide is a viable option..maybe it is..everyone you talk to thinks you want attention because they are to blind or to stupid to see the pain really felt..he feels lost in the world and he has given up hope
Its the sadness and anxiety I can’t overcome. The overwhelming feeling of loss and abandonment. I don’t know what to do. All I want to do is eat a gun. I want him back so bad but he still needs time to think things through. It’s hard not kissing him and touching him. He doesn’t want me. I feel so empty so defeated. It’s a pain I’ve never felt before and I don’t recommend it to anyone. It’s like a piece of me has been taken away and no matter how hard I try I can’t get it back. It sucks. I feel like shit. […]
This is my story about how i had my heart broken a couple of times. it soon spawned a fear of abandonment in me and made me think i was never good enough. if you wish to hear how i survived my hardship then please read this.
I was born different from other kids. i chose not to give in to the social flow and i Â lived how i felt. i had friends, a pretty good amount. i fell in love many times and had a few relationships. I grew up being who i felt was me. Sometime around the summer of 2012 about early June, […]
It’s been tiring these past few weeks.. I can’t think anymore.. I just slouch and barely talk.. slouch and barely try anymore.. I just want to let out all of this crying but no matter how hard I try I can’t even seem to squeeze out a tear.. I always taste throw up in the back of my throat.. I can feel my veins on my temples from being stressed.. It’s too tiring.. to be human.. I hate being Human… Everyone saw my scars today while I changed and I was confronted by all of my classmates.. confronted and lectured… I’m too tired to do […]
When I was born my mother abandoned my father & I. She put me up for adoption because she claimed that she cheated on my father & that I wasn’t his. So she gave me to this family & my dad got blood tests & proved that I was his & he took me back. So 5 years later my mother came back into my life & all I said was “You won’t play with me, you’re just like all of daddies other girlfriends” & she walked out of course I was too young to realize it but I still carry guilt over my shoulders […]
What have I done to deserve this?
I’ve always been the good child. The one who would eat all their veggies, do their homework, listen to their parents, do well in school and sports and yet I’m always the one at fault. Reading some of these posts, I really have no right to complain about my life because others have it worse than I do. I grew up with both parents, I’m healthy, and we don’t have to worry about money. What more could I ask? All I’ve wanted, was to have someone to love me or care for me. Unfortunately, some things in the […]
i don’t know why i am posting this.
i know my problems may seem trivial when compared to others. i know that there very may well be someone out there who would appreciate me more than she ever did. i know i bring most of this on myself. i know i made mistakes, and hurt her.
but i also know that i can’t do this. i know that i was truly happy, and i know that she was also truly happy. i know that my life is forever incomplete without her. i would be alive sure, but i wouldn’t be living. i feel so alone. i feel […]
Since i was a kid, i was taught to always treat everyone nice, be helpful, and loving. That true joy comes from making others happy, that if you are good and nice, good things will reflect back on you, that the harder things are the better chance you got to prove how strong you are in fighting against the evilness of the world, i was trying to be the super hero which will spread love and care.
Myself always came second, didnt matter, as long as i can make those who i can happy, I can stand against those who hurt me.. The pain began ever […]
where do i begin? i don’t even care. i have no one. no purpose. no friends. sure i have pseudo-friends. but not one that would bother be inconvenienced to alter their precious life to help me. so i am alone. perpetually. look, i don’t even bother with capital letters anymore. i don’t expect anyone to even read this so what’s the use anyway? i wish it would end. i haven’t the courage to end things myself. so i just wish for it and cry. i wish i had a real sickness. cancer. something. i almost think at times that then people would notice. but then […]
As I sit here, the sorrow sets in. Welcome back! For a second, I thought you wouldn’t return, old friend. The sound of the waves crashing can’t compare to the sound of my heart breaking. This is the second Spring I’ve had to spend feeling the cold stab of abandonment. The summer will grant me the chance to hide my embarrassment. Until then I’ll be in this place, hoping to meet my end. If only I could tie bricks to my feet and be taken away by the ocean.
I keep telling my guy that it’s getting harder & harder to not end my pain. I am flustered and short tempered with him bc I want him to help me, I want someone to see that I do not attempt I have been talking about it for a long time, that when I try I will in fact die. I have these reels of rapes and hurt, abandonment, success then failure that just play in my head and I cannot get them to stop. I did a program for PTSD and I use to be some hot shot CEO, but it’s like… I still […]
Hello all, first apologizies for any typos, as am writing on my ipod. Anyway, well, I guess what brought me to this site is how sad and hopeless i feel. I’ve been struggling with depression since the age of 5; that was when I first had suicidal thoughts. My parents neglected meto the point of abandonment. After my father severely abused me, my mom and siblings we fled to my grandmother’s care. We were better but still faced poverty, hunger and chaos; along with my grandma lived my gangbanger cousin who brought drugs, sex and violence into our home and a schitzophrenic uncle who was […]
this is gonna take awhile… I can’t escape my past, and yet I’m terrified of my future. I suffered through 16 years of a severely abusive childhood, ending in my father committing suicide in 2000; it left me with a paralyzing fear of abandonment, making it next to impossible for me to connect with anyone. I met the girl that I would marry in march of 2000, just 2 weeks before my father died; we just had our first child in February of this year – and here’s where the future comes into play. I’ve been subconsciously pushing away from my wife for the last […]