I know its a lie. why do i live it? at every moment of serenity i feel like now i have seen it and now i am gonna maintain it. but only end up in this same wretched state. I am full of confusion. I don’t believe in anything anymore. why? because i am aware of its opposite too…i am aware that opposite also exists and with same conviction. and since both exists, i believe in none. This life as i am living now, i never considered it my true state, my true nature. I always feel like i am living it “just out of […]
The history of Earth does not indicate the existence of a supreme being that is worthy of worship.
Religion acts as an obstruction to discovering new truths.
â€œIn the nineteenth century the problem was that God is dead; in the twentieth century the problem is that man is deadâ€
In a world where irrationality is largely the norm, rationality does not often seem to be conducive to happiness.
Maybe itâ€™s okay to be yourself where you come from. Maybe itâ€™s okay to be cursed. Maybe itâ€™s okay to be someone like me.
But here? There is no maybe. There is no okay. There is no me to be.
My life from the beginning was merely a messed up play. The curtain dropped after many acts, thus ending the play in all its appalling drama.
I hate feeling like this every day.Â I hate never wanting to get out of bed.Â I hate knowing that things will never get better no matter how hard I try.Â I hate knowing that I was doomed from the start to end up like this. I hate how other girls Â whine and complain about how terrible their lives are, and yet they have boyfriends.Â Like, seriously, SHUT UP. At least SOMEONE cares.Â At least you have enough luck that guys are willing to be seen in public with you and you still have the hope of a happy ending.Â I have no hope.Â I have no […]
Bitter, broken dearest
Can only sullenly repeat
How hurt she is, the pain she feels
Like babe suckling at teat
Slashes at her wrists
Like a toddler with a knife
Yet expects you to acknowledge
The hell that is her life
Tis the ones just like her
That leave me only silence
The ones that are those proud to wear
Their suicidal violence
Yes your pain is justified
And your wounds are real, I’m sure
But witnessing your selfish acts
Makes me want no more.
They drove me to ignore
The hands, the words, the plea
Bitter, broken darling
I blame you for losing me
I get the feeling that you need something for security, as in cutting/self harm, something that indicates that your still alive. I am not going to sugarcoat this, because for people throw a pity party for themselves. Even if your going through something, because we all do, you are the author of your own fate. â€œBut my mom/dad/both donâ€™t care about me. I did that because of what they did to me.â€ Like I said, itâ€™s up to you with what you do with your life, donâ€™t let other people influence how you walk down your own path. If you do drugs, alcohol, smoke, donâ€™t […]
its fryday and thers a girl crying in the boys bog and i realise people are so crule that im sick of them can you help me help her ples
right ill explane thers a amercn who has just come to are school forÂ gcses FOT resons unkonwn to meÂ and beeing a all boy school evrey time shes arownd evrey one acts like thave never seeÂ girl befor but as this grue old that startid to bulley her and this must hve gon to far because today she was in the boy lav crying her eyes out and cuting so i lock the door and put my mate out side to stop people coming in
“love im not going to do aney thing to you nor am i goingÂ aney were till you tell me whats up” i […]
Of course, I want to like Trevor. But there’s always something in the back of my mind that says I shouldn’t. Oh well. Said voice can find a new hobby. I mean, I’ve realized that Trevor is pretty awesome. But if he doesn’t like me, then good for him. I’m not saying that I’ll be completely mad and thinking that I’m better than him, ’cause I’m not. All humans are equal, except in their acts. I mean, you can’t say that you’re equal to Hitler in acts unless you did the same things he did. But Trevor hasn’t done anything bad that I know of, […]
kay so im bisexual and every1 acts like its bad but really its not im treaded like a dog hello im still a human being i dont diserve to be treated like this jus bcuz im bi so what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I just feel completely alone. My family of 5 (my sister my brother my parents and me) dont get along well. My brother likes to point out every single flaw of mine and acts like an immature 5 year old. My parents dont do anything from him calling stuff yet when i call him stuff all hell brakes loose with my parents. My sister constintly feels as though she is prettier and better at everything than i am. I dont talk with my parents much. I try to go to my friends Houses as much as possible to get away. The kids at school […]
The Westboro Baptist Church, decided to protest at the funeral ofÂ Staff Sgt. Donna Johnson, who was killed in Afghanistan, by a suicide bomber.Â I joined a group in “Anti-protest” against the Westboro Baptist Church.
As the Church members (The five that showed up), wielded their banners about “fags” and “breast cancer is God’s curse”, I couldn’t help but shake my head in disbelief at audacity of these people.Â They stood on American flags, gay pride flags and did a host of disrespectful acts.Â I realize their main goal is to receive attention and I suppose I did help with that, but I wanted to witness […]
Series of unfortunate events leads to depression
Depression leads to cutting
Cutting repulses people
Tries not to cut
Acts fine to others
Teenager somehow gets through high school without friends
Teenager doesnt know where to fit in..
Sits by herself at college lunch table
Endures things happening
Handling things she shouldnt be able to handle
Doesnt want to handle anymore
Decides to give up
Hahaha nothing really matters anymore and no one acts like they care so why should I. My hatred for everyone who talks/looks at me continues to grow. I care for almost no one and like i said they don’t seem to care about me. I wake up feeling numb and emotionless my nightmares wake me up in the night giving me the onlyÂ senseÂ of emotion I have. Â I hate life tonight i think i am going to try suicide for the 4th time and it most likely won’t work ( let’s just say I would make a really sucky murderer) and when it doesn’t work it […]
I decided to start fasting to try to make my tits shrink. Though I think I’ll likely give up and start eating again, mostly because of boredom and hunger pains. Currently I’m trying to apply and smell essential oils frequently because your sense of taste and smell are connected so smelling essential oils acts as kind of like a substitute for eating. Also I’m focusing on the traumatic experiences I’ve endured in the past and the things about me (my body, brain, etc) and my life I’m ashamed of to distract myself from food. Does anyone have any tips to make not eating for a […]
I’ve lost someone to suicide. It’s the most enraging experience I’ve been through. There is always that little part of you that can never grieve or get over it, because they chose to end their life. It’s one of the most selfish acts I’ve ever know.
So then, how did I end up thinking about it? First objectively – I don’t want to die, don’t be stupid. I can just understand why some people feel it’s their only way out.
Then, less objectively – I still don’t want to die, per se. I just want to be someone else. I have no idea how I managed to […]
I picked up my blade for the first time in almost three months. The cut was deeper than ever and cleared my mind for longer than usual. Part of me thinks that quittingÂ was a wasteÂ but the part that winces anytime i move my wrist says otherwise. I quit for one sole purpose, that reasons gone now so whats the point in stopping? Right, there isnt one. So here i go again to lock myself in the bathroom at just the thought of life.
I can’t share with anyone how I feel. None of my “friends” come from a broken home. I haven’t talked to my mother since Christmas and I can’t trust to tell my grandmother anything in fear of her telling my mom. My dad ignores me all the time and acts like “sorry son I didn’t hear you” and he try’s to cover up how he resents me. Seeing as I was an accident you would think he would have just put me up for adoption as a baby. My brother to. We just found out recently who my brothers real dad was and our mom […]
I know I keep posting…basically I guess I am trying to get my thoughts,feelings out before I die. I dont want to be saved,Im too far gone at this point. I think as I draw closer to the end I just need to purge this poison as much as possible….so bear with me. Or dont,I guess no one needs to read this. Dont necessarily need a reply.
Had another huge fight with BF on phone last night..still refuses to come back home,now trying to say he wants to talk to my therapist first. he keeps threatening to stay down there and never come back. His goddamn […]
I feel like dealing with not being loved is so much harder than dealing with an act of hatred or violence. I was molested as a child and beaten for years, but the scars that remain aren’t from those acts (which came from my brother), but from the fact that I never felt loved as a child by my father and brother. That’s the hurt that I have to live with and that has wrecked my self-esteem.
My father never did any fatherly things with me, like kick a ball with me, come watch me play, do homework with meÂ or anything like that… He always made […]
Thank you, Lord!.
Thank you, Father!.
Thank you, God!.
You truly are the path of happiness and joy.
I have never in my life felt more happy than now at this very moment.
The darkness of the world confuses us, and makes us pursue earthly desires… money, vanity, lust, fame, food….
Lord break our chains to these sins. We have become slowly slaves to these earthly desires. We wallow in our sins, and we rationalize to ourselves that this is the way. That such pleasures that never fill but increase our void is what is right.
Lord break our chains to these sins. Let us break free. Slaves no more […]