why won’t the pain in my heart and mind  stop
why must i live in this shell and suffer the days and nights .
why does god keep me lock in this shell to suffer so much
why have i never found love in this life
how can i say good bye to my  only child without hurting her
how can i make them see that I’ve run out of time
why is it so hard to dream the dream of peace
why is it so hard to let go, all i wanted in this world is to  be loved
i am i selfish to want to end this life
. how can i […]
I want to feel I’m punishing myself, I feel like this since I was teenage. looking for the most painful methods, hate life, hate myself, planning attempting.
I want to shoot the point between my breasts, aim to my heart, I could shoot my stomach first just for pain. if I didnt die, I’d shoot my heart.
Thats where im, emotionaly destroyed, tired,depressed, and in the state when i dont care about my horrible english…
My friends DONT know that i had the Borderline behavioral dissorder. (I had few older people who know it but thats different kind of relationship)
And i dont know if I can trust them, or how to tell it to them, or tell them what I feel or whats going on when iam depressed, or sad, or when i had suicidal toughts…and  I feel so lonely with feeling that none understand me…
(I had some self-harm things so im using antidepressants – after one week at center of crisis intervention, I want to […]
Rules are made to enslave boredom is there to tell you it’s time to change the view i just want to find the cheat codes so i can fly
everytime i turn on the tv i feel like smashing the room i hate to work and be taxed because people i don’t know are having it a little worse then me all i find are lies dyed in virtue i hate this world because a hero gets a bullet in the head and the villain gets a medal
Someone else has to tell me how to live because god said so or half the people elected a puppet.My family doesn’t know shit about […]
Sometimes I feel that suicidal thoughts are just a sign of immaturity in extremely emotional and complicated people…
like there’s this block inside of us saying “WE ARE REALLY NOT HAPPY WITH SOMETHING AND WE DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT (AND OFTEN DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS)”
I have a little bit more to be grateful for in my life.. though I’m a bit of a space cadet.. bit disorganized.. but people still love me.. I’ve got my friends.. got a girlfriend(s) :p .. I look good .. I ain’t dumb.. I can still eat..
But everytime something shitty happens I dwell and I get […]
Suicide is Mandatory.
‘… And if so, than how can I best do it ( e.g. the Angle at which I aim the sharp-pointed object into (…) and what I should do with my Neck & Head during impact to increase the chance of dying. ) ?
A battle, a fight, another day. Every morning I wake up and the first thing I do is check to see if I still remember how to smile, I’m not sure when it happened but piece by piece my emotions were shattered and I slowly started faking them to get by.
I guess it did have a beginning. I once had a dream, a direction in which to aim for and look forward to, but it fell to pieces and went from being a realistic future to a childish night time fantasy. I tried to fix it, I tried to create a new dream, but every […]
This is a picture of me in the summer of 2010, on my 18th birthday. Â I’m the guy in the middle, the two next to me are my younger brothers. Â I picked this picture, because it was pretty much in the middle/peak of the best time period in my life.
Me and jackie became what I would call close friends in early 2009, like around march. Â We had met october of 2008, online. Â She was 13 at the time, and i was 16. Â She lived in New […]
I posted on here last month saying I was going to kill myself whenever I felt ready. I’d been planning to do it yesterday after my last scheduled meeting with someone had gone past, only I’ve managed to arrange to meet someone next Thursday. But for once, I’m actually not annoyed. I feel incredibly motivated to keep pushing on, and I’ve found a way to help me along.
So SIAD is tomorrow, and being a cutter, this is the day I’m more motivated to draw butterflies on my arms. I decided to try and raise some awareness for both SIAD and butterfly project in school, so […]
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