It took me long enough to seek help but it’s taking forever to actually get any! I feel like I’ll end it before I get on top of that ‘waiting list.’ So frustrating. I’m done. Only getting help because I love my family but I really can’t wait this long. I’m so tired. Going back to that bottle of whiskey. Atleast it’s of some comfort. Helps me ‘keep up appearances.’
Just looking for some place to vent. If you’re reading this, I’m already a happier sad person and humbled by your sympathetic presence.
In my own case, thinking about death has more to do with very specific problems i have. With my health, to be exact. Still, feeling the blues takes you to the place where you cannot ignore your very human attempts to put everything into perspective, and to look for any meaning in seemingly unrelated circumstances in your life. And that’s why me posting this doesn’t mean that I’ve completely lost it. I think.
So, the health related “problem’ I’m talking about today is […]
It’s my first post there, so hello, I guess?
I need help with my boyfriend. More precisely, breaking up with him.
We’ve been together for almost 3 years if I recall correctly. It’s a long distance relationship.
There are few reasons why I don’t feel like dating him any longer;
We’re completely different. Different things make us laugh, we think differently, we have different problems. He’s a massive pessimist, hates himself and the way he looks (had (has?) bulimia), talks about his problems a lot, is very complicated, hangs out with people, loves cuddling, drinking, smoking and drugs (never did any serious ones, only some meds and pot, I […]
another weekend, another day left behind….
time to numb shit out…. cheers……
I have been passively suicidal all my life. I know, some say there is no way, but I remember wanting to die at 7. I was not abused overly much. My dad a little to harsh with corporal punishment. My mom never said I was stupid, but she always gave me a look or used a tone that said I was stupid. I guess she had no patience. idk. I was always depressed. Borderline personality I was told once, but never stuck with therapy. I have had more jobs and sexual encounters than I can remember. I just can’t stick with anything. Then get all […]
I’m not doing it now. But I always have a plan. When there’s no one left to give up on me but myself, I’m gong to do it.
I actually cried tonight, thinking about what happened over these past three days. Did a lot of psychoanalysis on myself. As you all know, Thursday night I started drinking cooers light. It’s the only alcohol my aunt will allow me to have. The problem is, I sober up to fast. The bigger problem is that I feel like a monster when I’m sober but when I’m drunk all my worries go away and I can be myself (in a way). I get scared of sobering up because I know that once I do, my problems will come back.
That night, I said screw it and decided […]
My husband and i were together 3 years before we decided to have a baby. He started cheating on me when I was 5 months pregnant. He left the week of Thanksgiving. Our baby was born early march. Ive tried so hard for my baby boy to make things work with his daddy. I feel like ive failed my son. I had made plans. Wrote a letter to my son. Set a date. Our anniversary…vicodin and alcohol. Then i realized im all my baby has. He doesn’t have his daddy he needs his mommy…but now were talking divorce…hes decided he wants to be in his […]
Just about the only thing that’s always there when I need it. Alcohol. Ugh just fuck.
Like it or not we are all 1 day closer to the end:-) I keep a loaded firearm close at all times but too much of a ***** to turn it on myself. Something will happen soon (I hope) Alcohol is my friend, my only true friend!!!
Today I’m sharing with you guys what I did to end my life, maybe it will help you to know what won’t work for a suicide plan.
My first attempts wereÂ some knows classic stuf, cutting, Overdosing painkillers, Injecting some poisonous liquids, drowning etc …
My last attempt was finishing a full bottle of scotch whisky and a lot of amisulpride pills, I was taken to hospital and all I got is 4 days of pain over all my body.
For now I’m searching for 2 helium tanks, I see a lot of poeple fail at suicide by helium because of exhaling Co2, but after all I should […]
After the best summer of my whole life I find myself back here for the first time in a couple of years. Kind of the only place I know to turn to when I really really really need people that understand to lend an ear…
Depressed lately… I just can’t be proud of myself anymore. I used to do really well at uni and now I’m in my final year I feel all the passion and spark I had for my major and my future has been snuffed out by the brutal machine they call the system. It just gets me down… I can study and […]
I’ve always been the strong one. The one who held others up when they couldn’t take it. I never wanted to burden others with my problems, so I tend to fake a smile and say I’m okay. I hate to be viewed as weak. It started when I was little — I was born to teenage parents who had a taste for methanphetamines. They did try to get clean when I was born, as well as three years later when my little brother came into the world. But their lifestyle caused me to take care of myself at an early age. A funny story I’ve […]
Hi Everyone, I feel like this is becoming my personal blog space where I can talk about my miserable existance.
So it is decided then. Â I will be attending the Msc in Accounting and Finance at Edinurgh.
I will be going there on friday. If I fail the course I guess an easy way out is just ending it all.
Anyways time to take my anti depressant and wash it down with some alcohol so I can dose away. No more whiskey but I do have some wine.
So today I did nothing. I had a talk with my bossy sister who said I had to do this masters. […]
I posted for the first time in this forum yesterday.
Today I almost made a decision to go to university of edinburgh for my masters, but then I changed my mind again. I spoke to my dad he said he does not want to pay for my masters anymore as I cant make up my mind and I am only doing it to avoid working.
Anyways Just took my anti depressant. Going to drink some alcohol and continue writing my good bye notes. I think I am getting most of the things down. Is it weird to proof read your s note?
Anyways I did absolutely […]
It’s taken me my whole life to realise that have never been “happy.” I was never happy as a child, tween, and now into my teenage years, my sad feelings have developed into anxiety, anorexia, self harm, and suicidal thoughts. I turned to drug use and alcohol. I still smoke and drink a lot. I have these sleeping pills and sometimes I just hold them and think about how easy it would be to just go. I am disgusted by my body and spirit. I think sometimes, it’s not worth living if I can’t even love myself. I have been trying to like […]
I’ve thought about taking my life so many times. I know some say it’s the cowards way out and that someone always has it worse than me – Truth is, I’m just so fed up. I’m exhausted. It’s like things are so bad I just don’t even feel like getting out of bed. I have great friends but I just have so many emotional issues that even hanging out with them seems like a chore.
I was sexually molested and abused continuously when I was young. I didn’t even know to tell or what to do. My mom found out because there was blood in my […]
On the lighter note of my life, I think I may have found some sort of purpose, or at least something to get my mind off my problems. It fills my time up.
I’ve been writing for a while now, and I think I’m pretty good at it. I’ve posted some stories on Wattpad, and while they’re not very popular, they’re getting there. I try to write kind of up beat stories, but most just end up sad. It’s great therapy in my opinion. Instead of focusing on how much my life sucks, or how much I need a drug, I’m writing.
So far, after a slip […]
I have been lost for such a long time.Â I sometimes think it started the day my mother died but that isn’t it.Â Â Or the day I asked for helpÂ the first time I tried to kill myself, and the military discharged me instead.Â I really don’t know where I went wrong.Â It seems when I ask for help, or try to talk about it, people either don’t want to listen or don’t believe me.Â I mean really, how can someone my age be going through this.Â I am the one who has these feelings and I struggle to believe it myself.
I left my life aÂ 5 years […]
Hi i don’t know how to start.I just haveÂ a few questionsÂ and i hope to get some answers.First i want to say that my English is bad ,so i hope to understand me wellÂ andÂ be able to help me somehow.Ok.I want to die i guess everyone here want that.I read peaceful pill book and i choose the exit bag and pills method.I have 50 pills phenobarbital-100mgÂ and i wonder is it a good medicamentÂ for this method?It is for epilepsy and it’s from barbiturate class.I wonder can iÂ fall asleep from these pills and don’t wake up and should drink all of them?I […]