I just saw Batman v Superman for the 2nd time and i have to say i have a much higher opinion of it than when I saw it the first time. The more I think about the more i realize how connected to this movie i am. I understand what its like to not be perfect and lambasted for it. I get what its like not to be accepted for what you are. For people to not see how good you are despite your flaws. I understand what its like tl be pre classified based upon criteria you can’t control because you are grouped in […]
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I should be redesigning my website so i can get an entry level job in the field. I should be redesignimg and adding to the couple of clients’ site I’ve had. Im procrastinating out of fear. Well that and food anxiety im juice fasting today save for the banana i had while writing this post. I dont want to screw it up. Stupid i know logically something is better than nothing. I have a voice that tells me I can’t do it. Sometimes i can ignore that voice other times i can’t. There’s another voice telling me that I should kill myself. Honestly the only […]
I’m jobless again. Idk how to feel about that. I have a shit ton of projects that can make me more profitable than another job or the scam that modern school can be. Take out thousands in student loans so you to can maybe make 45000 a year and be a higher class of broke than you are. I’ll pass. Im going to look for jobs mind you. Im just going to focus on the things i want to do as well. I’m actually more obsessed with my weight. I’ve been obese my entire life and i “only” have another 40 to 50 lbs left […]
I am tired, ive struggled for many years now, through chronic pain and major depression. I became distant from my partner and now i have lost her, we have been separated for the last year, and while i love her with all my heart i know we can never be together again,
my regret will be leaving my little girls, but i know watching there Daddy slowly decline will be worse for them, i only have one wish, and that is to hope they will know that daddy will love them forever, and i will always be with them, i only have a week or two […]
So it’s holy week and i’m going home to my hometown and leaving the city for awhile. Ive been really difficult lately, ive been acting mad all the time ad im just so full of spite, i dont like it. i dont like being mean. but im just so mad. i failed school, it was supposed to be my last term but i fucked it up (after dropping out from a nice school and being in college for a total of 6 years and now my younger sister has graduated ahed of me and already has a nice job and a nice car) so my […]
Yet another terrorist attack has happened this time in Brussels. Its depressing. When ever a shooting or attack happens i can’t help but to think why does someone have to lose their loved ones and i have to stay. I get so depressed i can’t help but to want to die. If i trade my life for any person who matters who died in any act of senseless violence i would. It doesn’t feel right at all.
Many of you were here for one of the most amazing romances ever known to man… i was notified last night that my true love kaylee bush took her life… It was ironic because i told her our love was like romeo and juliet except we were going to save each other from suicide instead of cause it.. in her note she notified family that we would be eternally NUTBUSH, hense the name change… the last time i talked to her she said she wasnt sure if she was strong enough to make it.. i should be happy for her and i guess i am, […]
I hate this fat unlovable unattractive unnecessary pimple filled lonely face. I hate being constantly reminded of my romantic/sexual irrelevance to women. Im tired of working out and eating better just to pig out and ruin it. Im tired of being ugly. The moments that give me peace are the moments where my chest/heart go funny. I know its just the caffeine and bronkaid effecting me. I wish I could just die. I’m tired of being poor irrelevant lonely fat and depressed. Im tired of it it makes me sick. Sick of living sick of everything. No one will ever want me. I try to […]
Does love really exist? I’ve wondered this many times. When I’ve dated guys and felt nice around them. When I’m with my grandma. When I think of dad. But then this feeling of emptiness comes along, and i hated it. Is that what love’s supposed to be? Emptiness? Why? Does mom feel like that when she thinks of me -if she ever does-? I hope not. I want her to only see the small good things I’ve done. they’re not so many but they’re something. Right? giving up my freedom wasn’t nothing, Right? God! If I had a dying wish it would be to hear […]
that is the day i decide it is over or i decide to move on with my life and hope its better. that is either my last day or the continuation of my life. i dont know which yet. some times im like “hell yeah, ill keep living” then most others are like “can it just all be over now?” i think i might try to keep a journal or something with a list. a list of all the reasons i should kill myself and a list of all the reasons i should stay alive. maybe thatll help me come to a decision at the […]
Sometimes I feel like you’re just with me because you’re loney and need someone to talk to when it comes to you, but when I need you, you’re not there for me you just say, oh, I’m sorry, but then theres times I feel like you’re actually with me for me but that’s very rare now.. Like when you get mad that i don’t reply or call but that’s because I’m doing something or helping someone but you still get mad regardless which is something I don’t understand but you can do it to me and not expect me to get mad or cry.. […]
My life has never been good. I was abused as a child, it got really bad and i feel like it has caused brain damage. I find myself forgetting a lot of things i cant remember names or important information. The thoughts that i have can not be properly translated when i open my mouth to speak. I honestly sound like an idiot. I have also been sexually abused and I am told it’s not a big deal because it happens to everyone so i have to get over it, it replays in my mind every single day and that might sound like an exaggeration […]
I’ve been working a dead end job in a tiny racist town, known for being religious nutjobs, rednecks and KKK members. I could just end my story there and it would make sense, but im not done ranting.
My boss hired me under the table, so i do not pay taxes and cannot use my job on my resumee to find a new job. I pump gas 37.5 hours a week. There is no room for promotions or raises, i make minumum wage and forever will. My co-worker makes more than me, and works the exact same hours and the exact same job title. Ive been here […]
I requested a new pycitrist again and i was told no to geting one as my first vist to them.was well so i got nothing for my depression or anxity bf will be coming home soon from hospital i miss him lots hope you all haveing a good night i cant sleep up and im sick so cant do much going to watch fuller house again glad they brought it bk
So last night i almost started crying multiple times in public, but no one noticed. i went to my old high schools band concert because i was in band so i know the majority of upperclassmen in the band. i wanted to see them perform and i missed their winter concert because of a car accident. a main reason for my going was to see him. to see the guy who made me realize someone gave a shit about me over a year ago. hes the main reason for my being alive right now and back in november i told him about my depression. hes […]
when it happened i was yielding
waiting waiting waiting
for someone to come i didnt know it yet
i didnt realize i was waiting grasping on to each breath like it was going to be my last
it happened so gradually i never once closed my eyes and shouted the word no
people take that as acceptance as if its such a black and white matter it is gray space and static it is no opposite there is no box holding me in or leaving me out
my hurt is not romantic nor is it happy hurt it is not hurt that i cry […]
So here i am in church and the only thing i want to do is leave and and cut myself he is talking about depression. So its not like i cant.Relate but i cant breath and i want ro leave i understand what the pastor is saying.but i cant. All he talking about is suicide and o get god you you dont like it i want do it. Dont give up in your convince and hope and you will be rewarded. Ok i get but damn. I cant breath and I want to leave .
i talked to my parents about me, about how i feel, and that i want to see a psychologist because i feel like i am dying inside but i wasnt strong enough to tell them that they were the reason, i feel this way because of them, i’ve figured it out. They are the ones fucking up my life and i hate it. i have figured that im completely happy when they are not around. But after i talked to them, it became worse, now they are all the time around, they dont even let me go to the freaking bathroom more than 3 m, […]
I am 14 years old and the reasons for me to sucude are:
1. My exam pressure is too much, even after studing more than 50? in a year my dad isnt satisfied with 80% of average marks and pressurises me whole day and i know i got no bright future woth this much of marks so i want to end this right now. 2.My dad is very rich but I am too poor, i got a low specs pc which has i3 has outstandjng features, a 1.8 years old phone and my dad doesnt want to buy the s7 edge for me after alot […]
I’m incredibly tired. I have to work in an hour. I’m permanently lonely. I try to improve things but im too much of an old useless failure. Im in physical pain mental and emotional pain and i don’t want to live anymore. I wish I had a method. I’ve tried so many times but life I failed. Just like ive tried to improve my life but i failed. I wish death’s sweet embrace would show up. Im just fucking tired.