I’m in my third year of college, I can’t get a job for the life of me and I can’t actually learn anything or keep up with the school work, I can’t drive because I get panic attacks when Im even close to another car but my city basically requires them to be able to function, not that I even have a life outside my room. I feel like I’m on a countdown till it all blows up, everything I do seems to put me in a worse position than when I started. It all feels like a trap made for me to die in
Tag:
Anger And Depression
I hate my life. I’m a minor and that means I obviously have to live with my parents. I’m a girl and have 3 disgusting brothers. The only thing I have for myself is my brains which I got from my mother. She’s mean sometimes but she’s the only one I actually truly love in this nightmare of a household. My dad and I had a fight about 2-3 months ago and he hasn’t talked to me since. He’s a fucking stupid middle aged man and an ego the size of a fucking blue whale. I hate him so much, his standards for me are […]
I am destined to destroy myself my darker thoughts may lessen from time to time but they never go away the need for physical pain and inebriation holds me down. For every good day there are thousands of bad ones. I’ve never done anything good for myself. I convince myself I don’t need to eat today get blackout drunk grab a razorblade or hunting knife and cut myself open and watch the blood pour. I can keep myself busy and not think destructively but when I sit and think for 5 minutes I think about shotguns and razors. No one cares to be around me […]
I made the worst mistake of my life by trying to end it. But the craziest thing happened. It became the biggest blessing as well. I grew up hearing things like, “you’re ugly,” “worthless!” “a mistake” “why didn’t you get an A?” This over time by family, peers, and our culture in general just eroded my self-confidence and by the age of 23 I was in full blown anger and depression. I was so tired of being rejected, judged, teased, bullied, etc that I couldn’t see any other solution but taking my life and so I tried. Well, God decided he had another plan and […]