Today I remember the life I had. Today I think of the posts I have read here. Today I rembember the people I have been a witness to in their exit.  Today I hope all people will be given the legal right to make the choice I have had to search the world for. Today I look back in sorrow and look forward in anticipation.  Today I wish for all, the lives they desire and the end they deserve. Today I am , if honest, a bit afraid.  Today I am  more sure than ever that what awaits me is better than what is behind […]
I’m not expecting much. There’s little risk here.
A man jumps from the tenth story of a building. A crowd gathers – though not too close – to the scene of the act. You always need one person to alarm the ambulance; perhaps one to call the police, too. Â I’d recommend someone to clean up the mess.
The rest are mere witnesses. In all, a heartbreak for a few, an inconvenience for some, perhaps an envious end for others.
Now, there is someone else: the person looking down from the ledge. It’s hard to see them, as they’re so high up. There’s the obvious distraction down below, as […]
Well I’m here at the lake, just me my gun and what’s left of this case of rocky tops. For once I’m finally at peace, I watched the sunrise an set an besides that I’ve done absolutely nothing today and loved it. I’m ready this time no panic, no fear everything is just dare I say peaceful. My heart is pounding as I write these last words but not racing just steady hard pumps, I’m a bit anxious with anticipation about what’s going to happen after I pull the trigger so I’ve sat aside any preconceived notions about the after life and just take it […]
well, here I am, 15, a pothead, a whore, doesn’t have anything to praise or look forward to after life. I’m all kinds of fucked up, I was always put last to 4 other brothers and sisters. I was raised by drug addicts and alcoholics and it’s  my fault I turned out like this when I was never told aanything different. I was never told about the danger of sex and drugs, I was raised by people who abused all of it, and I’m  the shitty one in the bunch?  Ha. You’re all so ignorant! If  you never wanted me to be so  horrible, maybe […]
Every damn year I have to endure this. It will be my 27th Valentine’s Day alone in 2 days… I don’t even know why I let myself get to this point when there is obviously zero hope and I never had any chance. I should have been preemptive and thrown myself off a bridge 5 years ago and then I would have saved myself from about 1825 days of emptiness and agony. I have been alone every single miserable day of my life. Telling myself that this is just another hallmark holiday doesn’t really work anymore, every year it is a brutal reminder of all my […]
Tomorrow’s my first day at the new college. I don’t know if I should be happy about that or should I grieve, I’m at a loss. Â It seems like the best option for me is not to care, like at all. I’m trying to, very hard. I’ll meet my new group mates, and they will meet me. For them I will be nothing but a new girl, or the 13th girl. They know nothing about me. And I have decided not to tell them anything about who I am, nothing about my disturbing past. Only the obvious details they won’t fail to notice. The facts […]
It’s been awhile since I’m here. and I find myself coming here more and more often. Because nothing else interests me anymore. I can’t think about anything else. I think death just avoids me. I mean, every single day I hear about people getting in accidents or falling ill and dying. And every day, it’s not me. I ask myself why, and I can answer this question, weirdly though. BECAUSE NOBODY IN THE WORLD LEADS SUCH AN EMPTY LIFE AS MINE. People do something, go somewhere, engage themselves, and they get things happening. I don’t. I am too afraid to do something. I am afraid […]
Dedicated to anyone who thinks about it- I understand- but it is not the answer.
I have been up for hours and am exhausted before the clock strikes eight. I eye the sink full of dirty items while the dishwasher lies four inches to the left. The house is silent and soon I know the air will be filled with anger.
Walking outside I water the just planted begonias, knowing full well once I leave they will die; much like the limited peace that lies between the walls. I have come […]
God I’m so fucking miserable, so fucking depressed AGAIN. and i’m just sitting here trying to tell myself it’s not ME it’s just in my head. just my messed up brain telling me i’m not okay cuz there’s nothing to be really sad about. unless i think about it. which is easy to do when you’re alone. easy to do when you can never shut your head up.
a couple of nights ago i was just laying in bed waiting for sleep to take me, and instead of thinking about my shitty stupid day i started day dreaming. and in this dream (which part of me […]
I’m starting to become a regular here :3 I’d like to meet some friends, to finally have someone who knows, to talk to.
anyway. I’ll be going to the city in about…3 hours. this is gonna be hard. (I’m agoraphobic by the way)
Havn’t been out in around a month and a half. and before that, I was out before the winter! I should try though, look at the brighter side of the outside world. hey, I’ll be able to see that cute guy at the shake bar. haha! I’m one for peircings and longer hair ;D -cat whistle-
rightio, I’m off the take a shower.
p.s this […]
I sort of don’t want to write here, because whenever I read other people’s posts, I realise that I have so little to really complain about. But, at the same time, I just find it so hard to continue living my life. Again, and I know lots of people write this, but I don’t really want or expect any kind of comments on this post, I just need to say these things, because I have no one else to say them to, and I’m tired of the same shit just cycling around my head all day and all night. So here I go, getting it […]