Hello. I’m jess. I’m fourteen years old, and I’ve gone crazy.
I found this site when I was looking for ways to commit suicide. I thought it would be nice to finally talk to someone, and explain my madness to them.
I’m going to list all the reasons why I want to end my life.
1. I live in a country that’s incredibly corrupt. I don’t see a future for me, and we’re going through so much pain right now… that I want to end it. I’m filled with rage.
2. I know I’m young, but I’ve done things I shouldn’t have and my anxiety is killing me because I think it’s going to end badly for me. I hate myself for doing that and I cut because of it. I feel dirty.
3. I don’t feel like living. I just… don’t. Â I don’t feel motivated and I’m numb.
4. My parents give me shit, they are so supportive and I feel like I don’t deserve them, they’re too good for me, but they let me know I disappoint them Â and my mom used go fight with me when I was a child. Once, we fought so bad, I ended up yelling at the top of my lungs and crying and begging her to stop fighting because she was hurting me and it was enough. Since I was a child I live in a bubble, hiding from all the pain in this world, because I just couldn’t stand it. I knew it was there. I still do. But I hid it all with a smile on my face and worked my ass off to get good grades (and I still do. I’m a good student).
5. I feel sad, I feel empty, I feel abandoned by myself. Everytime I encourage myself to do something, I end up thinking that the mistakes I made will come after me when I’m successful. Or that they will affect my parents, or the way they think of me.
6. My sisters do not live in this country anymore and I miss them a lot. They are my best friends and I love them so much.
7. I put up with everyone’s shit since I was born. I remained silent. I never complained. I got bullied in primary school, I’m in 9nth grade right now, and the weight of school is collapsing on me.
I can’t do this anymore. I feel like I should apologize to the Lord, and let him take me with him.
I guess I just want someone to listen to me.
English is not my first language, I apologize on any grammatical errors I might have committed.