im a fighter. but sometimes the fight is impossible to win. there would be alot less pain if i just gave up but i find myself fighting until the end. i will fight for love, fight for my life, fight to win, fight to save a life, fight to start a new. but i get tired of fighting sometimes. i feel like i just want to give up and hide under my covers. i want to go into the cabinet and take all the pills and slip away. i want to snort a fat long line of heroine and cut my arms and legs, i […]
i cant. everywhere i turn his name is mentioned or brought up. Everything reminds me of him. everyone knows him. i try to seperate myself but i cant. I LITERALLY CANNOT FORGET YOU. I loved him so much. I LOVE him so much. if i saw him idk what id do. id break down sobing. id run up to him and jump on him. id slap him and curse at him and let him know how much he hurt me. how much he is hurting me. i cant breathe when i think about him. i see pictures with him and his new girl on fb, […]
ive gotten fat… im getting better at putting on a smile. ive been dressing nicer and more preppy. ive been laughing more. ive been crying less. ive been arguing more. ive been thinking ab0ut him more. ive been treated worse. ive been told everything will be ok but ive been told that before. ive been keeping everything inside like i used to. im reverting back to the old me. perfect pretty girl. loud and outgoing sarcastic with everything put together. hah what a fucking joke. but i am so good at keeping everything in. ive only been cutting on my wrists so i can hide […]
Hi..i’m a 16 year old girl and i really don’t know where to begin..
but I will begin by saying i’m suicidal and under a lot of depression…
the cutting has temporarily stopped, but when I get the urge to do it..nothing can stop me.. I will cut myself with anything and everything…
i used bobby pins, box cutters, scissors, knives, plastic, dried up paint, rocks, needles, safety pins…you name it ; I’ve used it..
I had to undergo therapy for it when my mom finally noticed..but it’s all a bunch of bullshit..
nobody really cares if you’re alive or not. and once you die, […]
hi i dont really know where to start but i guess i can start by saying im suicidal. ive been depressed for a long time and im still not sure why. i really wish i could have the courage to tell someone but i dont . im too scared they’ll make fun of me or will worry too much and i dont want that. i really know i need help but im just not sure why im so scared to tell. my dad is so understanding that he could help and my mom could help too i just dont know… i also dont know why […]
If I were to be honest for a change and told you what was inside me. All the demons I fight every day. How much regret I have for everything I have done. If I told you that I want to kill myself. Would you understand? Probably not. Everyone looks at me like I’m insane. All the scars on my arms and legs it reminds me that my past is real. Every day I look in the mirror and hate what I see not just the outside the inside too I feel so ugly. I’m full of anger and sadness. I’m deprived from happiness. I […]
i have scars. yeah, they’re pretty bad. all up my arms and legs. But they serve a nice purpose. they remind not to do dumb shit like trust anyone, or believe there is hope, or even believe in general. they remind me that life is one big game of lies, of which, i lose. They remind me that life is like a funhouse mirror, you think everything is perfect until you step in front of one. and then BAM! everything just goes wack. so yeah, I wear black. “typical emo” though right? (*bastards*) I wear black to remind me that everyday is a day to […]
It seems that ever since I found out that my only love is expecting a child i’ve changed.
It was as if my heart had been poisoned..I thought it would surely kill me at first, the first week and a half that I spent crying, moaning, and begging for my life to be ended.
I’d even go out for walks late at night and hope someone would cause me harm. Kill me and leave my body in the gator infested swamps that someone or something may stand to gain from my life.
Pain so deep that it turned my heart black and my blood like tar. […]
About three years ago, I tried to off myself, I had come home from school that day, and when I got there I told my grandparents I was going to take a bath, so I went to the bathroom and started the water. I had made the water super hot, and I got out my razor, I had soon after used my razor to carve into my arms and legs, I loved the pain and the thought of death that came after, but then I got thinking and I realized that, I had to stay so I could help my family and my friends, […]
Well, for starters i need to tell you i’m mexican. So my english may not be always great. When i was a kid i was a very spoiled girl, mostly i remember… (Or all of it) by my dad. He used to be my heroe. Literaly. This memories are just like a bomb in my head they come one after another in so much disorder that i cannot express them well. My parents used to fight always. There was screaming, throwing things, door slams, car persecutions, cheaters investigation, sarcasm about my dad in every adult convertation… My mom started to unload all of her trouble […]
You told me you were a cutter too. You told me you’ve felt the darkness. You told me a lot of things.
But you lied. I saw your body yesterday. There were no gags in your flesh, no signs that you’ve been there and back. And I stood before you and exposed myself, every gaping wound that streaked my arms and legs. I bet you aren’t really depressed. You’re the definition of attention whore.
I thought I found someone who knew who I was. But now you’re an entirely different person. And now you’re dead to me.
Just like I am.
But jokes on you. […]
looking around my room i realise i have so many pills. two types of naproxen, concerta, Aleve, Adivl, Tylonal, and sleeping pillings. i coud OD no problem but… i don’t. i keep thinking about it… all the time… i want to soo bad. i could take all those pills. there’s even more in the medicine cabinet and alcohol under the stove. i could take the pills, go to bed, and never wake up.
i don’t know if it’s progress that i haven’t tried ODing yet or not because i keep thinking about it… a lot.
i stopped cutting… i think. it’s only been a few days since […]
NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME!!!!! my mother says she does but i know she doesn’t , she is taking out all the pain of her childhood on me , My father is an alcoholic – and no matter how hard i try i cannot impress them , i play piano until my hands bruise so bad my whole hand is blue! i sing and win awards , and dance until my arms and legs cannot move. But its never enough… They think my little sister is the best things since sliced bread!!! she tells me to die everyday , and i only have one true friend […]
i wanna leave this “world” aka my hell
i dont like walking round school and hearing people talk about me and laughing or writing shit about me on facebook or girls toilets,i dont want for everyone to look at me like im no good for anyone.
i couldnt help what happen to me,people say to me why didnt u scream help or rape,unless u wanted it to happen but i cant say what i want to say,i want to tell them why i didnt scream,cos when your so scared you try to scream but the words wont come out,inside your screaming so […]
Could this help anyone?
After a head injury one feels troubled for many years and ones thoughts can be dark.
A therapist was explaining to me that one needs to redirect ones thoughts and make new brain patterns or ones thoughts keep going to the same dead end of negativity.
She said just do one thing a day to start.
If you can start by one little step at time to start redirecting ones thoughts thats helping to make a new pattern – a new future for you.
She explained thoughts like sheep trails which often lead no where – so negative thoughts take us to dead ends and […]
Is not getting any better, I’m not getting any better,I’m  having an anxiety attack, I feel pain on my chest, arms and legs, my hearth is pounding so fast and I just feel I cannot do this anymore 🙁 I’m living my worst nightmare, I want to get better I just don
I have had enuff of this world and all the shit it brings. I’ve had enuff of trying so hard only to be shoved down again! I’ve had enuff of not living just surviving. I’ve had enuff of crying myself to sleep. I’ve had enuff of cutting my arms and legs. I’ve had 15 years of this shit. This is my goodbye to this cruel ass fucked up universe. Deuces. This rope is my exit strategy
I woke up around 3:00am trembling in fear after having one of my worst nightmares ever… my arms and legs still shaking and this feeling of pain in my chest won’t go away… falling down spiral…
well…i guess i can say it started when i was only a few years old….my parents were both drug addicts…i was in the bars with my mom and dad till my dad met my step mom when i was almost 4…for me it was normal….but then again so was buying my own food at the store, stealing money from my mom while she slept of the drugs and alcohol for the food, being used as collateral when she didnt have drug money, and being molested by her many boyfriends. then id go home to my dads, he and my mom worked alot…and did drugs so they werent always […]
Just Red Paint
        My Name is Sean Shadoes, then I was eleven I was sent to a place called Wasatch canyon rehab after attempting suicide, I had cuts on my arms and legs and a gun shot wound through my chest
         When I was Ten my life became hard to control, I felt that I had no other options but to get away, people (including my Parents) told me that I was worthless and unnecessary and I believed them and acted upon the thought that I didn’t matter and was worthless and unnecessary, I never talked unless […]