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things don’t just appear out of no where, the things you love the most, don’t just come back. But it did for me four days ago.

sure, I missed it, they came back, messaged me, but I wasn’t there. Only once right? wrong, they came back the next day, and I had the best hour of my life.

Not been online for a few days now, and they were gone for a year before this week. Probably gonna be gone forever now, but miracles do happen. I’ll just have to keep hope. and keep hoping that little box that appears will have your name on it next […]

I can’t do this. I think I might do it sooner than I thought. I just don’t have the strength to carry on… I can’t.

This is the most I’ve ever wanted it; And, it’s comforting. like a light at the end of the tunnel. Go towards the light…hah.

yeah, another post from me. I’m trying to quit cutting so you better get ued to me posting alot.

why are you doing this to me? how can you keep doing this? I’ve missed you so fucking much, I’ve NEVER stopped waiting. I waited an entire year for you to come back, doesn’t that deserve anything. or do you just not care. I know more about you than you think I do, and y’know what? next time you come online, I’m not going to pretend. I’m not going to say ‘he’s just come back, atleast give him a nice welcome.’ I’m going to act the way […]

How do you help someone who can’t be helped?

I care, far too much. It’s killing me, every time I try to help you, it pushes me further down this hole. But no, I won’t ever leave you behind. Ever. I’ll keep your head above the water, even if it means I drown.

You need to start walking, because. You’re just standing there, and so am I. We’re both not trying, well, you’re not trying. I’m pushing and pushing, but you won’t budge. There’s only so much I can do before I get exausted, and can’t even walk myself.

Please, please. Just try, I can’t keep doing this. […]

He sent me a message on MSN today…
My mom had also taken my laptop away…

He hasn’t been online since Febuary last year. I give up. Angelspit full blast, and my beautiful, shiny, metallic friend. It’s the only way.

this weekend was going to be great. I was going to go out with two of my very best friends, and smoke a little something something. I was going to have one of them stay over, their parents had even said yes, then, on sunday, I was going to go to a concert, have a great night, then go home, paint, and go to bed. It would have gotten me through weeks. just the memories of what a great few days it has been, showing me that it does get better.

‘No Ema! because you never do anything right so how the hell do you […]

I stood there, stareing at my razor. taking in the light black coating stretched upon the sharpened edge. but then, a cold, wet nose brushed my fingers.

nobody knows how many times my dog has saved me. just by being there. more than anyone else can say.

I can barely sleep without that warm, soft fur at an arms length awat. or the gentle breathing.

<3 Gayol, my best friend.