Been thinking about suicide for a while because it seems like everything I do in like bites me in the Ass,I cant do anything right Ican’t make anyanyone happy including myself feel my last hope is death….ill misss my family but I think they will be better off
I made another mistake. Again another mistake. All the stress, disappointment, failure, wasted finances I dont have, problems at work, added to my already deterioratking career, empty  savings account, disappointed family and friends, car and motorcycle thay need to be rebuilt, jeez the list goes on. Just when you thought it was piled high or you feel youc’re making baby steps toward improvement THEN you get kicked all the way back into a crawl.
I dont get itk? All these other people are so successful, almost with out even trying. While I try my ass off s succeed  then FALL! I fall twice as far as […]
heavy duty shit in therapy yesterday. rejection, dismissal, self hatred etc etc. my psyche is fighting tooth and nail to keep some horrible thing secret. what that is i don’t know. saw the shrink last week. another appointment and a new script. losing faith in pharmaceuticals. there doesn’t seem to be anything out there for me. left the office angry and upset. felt rejected, dismissed, discarded. why exactly i don’t know. the doc didn’t do or say anything particularly egregious. it was like there was something i desperately wanted to communicate but i couldn’t find the words. then my 20 minutes was up. go away. […]
Here is my rant.. Best night of my life.. not.. you want to sit there and lie to me about who your with and what your doing? And you think i should of had respect for her? Uhmm no, what girl goes around with a guy who she KNOWS has a fucking girlfriend?.. I should of beat her ass. I don’t give a fuck anymore. Then we figure it all out and you turn back around and go to her house. HELL NO! I’m not playing anymore. I’m done.. I don’t want to be here.. I’m tired of the lieing of tonight..
I’ve been fucking on and off depressed for fucking 3 fucking years maybe now. Fuck I know im fucking swearing a fucking lot. The fucking bull fucking shit thing is I hadn’t sworn for fucking 8 months until now im fucking exploding. I fucking hit my boiling fucking point. Fuck life. Only fucking thing I care about is my Dog. Fuck people. Fuck everyone. Fuck peoples fucking fucking shitty fucking bullfucking shit fuck opinions. Why can fucking fuckers just shut the fuck up and keep there fucking mouth shut. Fucking FUCK.
I’m going to try to refrain my swearing from now on although it’s still completely […]
It’s true. I love Trevor. Ya know, when I was little, and I watched TV shows, I always saw the girls freaking out over the guys. They would always say, “I love the way he says my name…”. I thought they were crazy. But then I found something out. They’re not. I had an after school rehearsal today. I sat by Trevor. He said my name every time he talked to me. And I love the way he says it. Oh my gosh, he said, “Courtney, he’s talking about measure blah blah blah,” and I said, ” I think it’s measure blah blah blah”. A […]
So today, I feel as though the world is telling me to do it, just go for it. At work today a overly perky co-worker gave me a toosie roll telling me it would make me smile, that no one can not smile while eating a toosie roll. I was running down the second flight of stairs for the third time today and thought hell eat the toosie roll. So I did, I broke a tooth on it, I broke a tooth eating a toosie roll!
My neighbors are such ass’s. all week my toilet has been bumbling, thumbling, and acting as though it is […]
i’m 28. currently unemployed and living with my mother. i just (on xmas eve) had my second consecutive miscarriage in less than two yrs (both different fathers, so it’s not a chromosome incapatibility) i’m beyond broken from this. ALL i think about is dying day and night. or getting so F’d up on pills so i don’tt ‘feel’ anymore but i can’t get any. my mother was supportive and comforting at first, then i got upset and called her a name. she wont let me forget it nor does she understand i did not mean it, i was hurt and taking my pain out on the […]
I’m stuck. I feel like I can’t get better and this inability to move past my trauma is limiting my ability to live my life the way I want too. I try. I can go months without hurting myself and then something that is seemingly random breaks my illusion of healthiness and I fall backwards on my ass to the depths of despair. I can’t seem to forgive myself for shit that has gone wrong…and the more I try to examine my issues I feel the higher the chance of relapse. I don’t have a support system which […]
I just want to die. I have plenty of friends, great job, beautiful house. But I’m just tired. Tired of pretending my life is great. My husband is a selfish ass. And of course the only thing that matters is how he sees me. Even though I know he is a selfish ass. I want him to give me some credit. Not put me down for every thing I do, think or say. Of course I’ve tried to talk to him about this ( only for 18 years). but women are the ever ” I can fix it” – with enough love understanding and communication […]
HeartCore, Wordy, Ratkity, those of you who gave a shit, I hope you look here, and I apologize for you having to see this.
SP became my home very quickly, and it became a place that I wasn’t safe to be at any longer even faster.
This will probably be my last day here on SP. I am done, and I cannot take it anymore. Those of you on chat acted like I was saying shit like “oh at least you don’t have fucked up hips” or “at least you aren’t dying” or “at least you don’t have cancer” when all I fucking said was “at least […]
Who am i?
All of you are thinking it.
“Who is that kid?
The one that killed himself,
I think I’ve seen him before,
But I’m not sure.”
Let me put your minds at ease.
You have all seen me.
Ive always been here.
I’m the kid in the back seat of the class.
I’m the kid that you see eating lunch alone in the hall.
I’m the kid you whisper about as you walk by.
The kid that teachers never punish.
Because they’re scared of me too.
I’ve always been there,
Watching, silently.
Its funny that after only one year,
I’ve already developed my final opinions of you.
There are those of you out there that can rest easy.
My death is not […]
I can’t do this anymore. I just…..can’t.
I met the love of my life close to 5 years ago. Huge age difference….she just turned 18. At first I knew it wouldn’t work, but then out of nowhere I got her pregnant. So…we both decided that it was best to go forward and see how things went. I moved her up here from Florida and we settled in. Our daughter was born just over a year after we had gotten together. Things were……terrific. We were told by so many people that we were the perfect couple. We couldn’t get over each other. We had to be around […]
Just a little preface, I am a 26 year old male who works for the biggest telecommunications company in Canada (I cant say who….) as an Install/Repair technician. I am only mentioning this because it will tie together further on.
Well, I had this one REALLY bad day, and I had suicidal thoughts which would not go away. I wanted to die, just like most other days… I have this one way bridge near my house, and I figured it would be good to hang from. It is a one way bridge, and a few people I know would see me there… The bridge is for […]
I was at work today and I woke up late so I didn’t have breakfast anyways I had gotten some m&ms from a friend and a coworker had said he was eaten them. Well knowing me u don’t wanna fuck with me wile I am hungery. So I didn’t mean too but I said out loud “you better not touch my m&ms you A-hole” and so they took that for a ride and would not let it go. They even started to call me it. By the end of the day I was so ready to punch the shit out of them. And I have […]
the past two days have been hell. the person i care the most about lied and back stabbed me. i’m afraid of myself. im afraid that im going to fall back into my old habits. the only thing i’ve eaten for two days is about 5 nacho chips. (no cheese) and i have mostly lost my entire desire to even eat. im never hungry anymore and im eating less and less. i’m afraid because this is how my pattern starts i know it is. i guess im not exactly sure what im doing on this blog or even just writing this but i dont know […]
Hi there I checked into a nice hotel on the waterfront in Eastbourne to plan to grab a taxi to Beachy Head. Unfortunately I got to the cliff edge and was approached by the dreaded Chaplains who then proceeded to call the Police and I was put in a cell for 7 hrs “for my own safety”. Which was not a lot of fun. I was searched and detained. The cops were super pleasant and felt good that they had saved my ass. The police in Eastbourne are all oddly good looking and it was like a scene form csi NY.
I then was assessed by […]
i have been thinking,i know im to smart for my own good,i woulda never survived through the shit i did if i didnt know how to save my self from dieing of in my case anything,my life is shit,i live hours away from anyone im related to , and they are the shittiest people, the ones that abused me, starved me treated me inhumane till i was 17 wen i was finally taking away perminetly,still haveing attatchment issues and trust issues,vulnerable and always ran into someone that would say they care but hurt me and brake every promis possible,untill i realized, i dont have a […]
i follow every single rule in place for me, why can i get out of the fucking system? then you get these lucky bitches who get off and they are in no shape or place to be and they go and do drugs or illigal shit,while im working my ass off, i want to run far away,but the only people that would even look for me is the cops,im 21 years old,i feel like a slave, slaves had to fight for there freedom to and thats exactly what im doing,i want so much in life that the average person that walksd past me gets, that […]
I have this friend, he’s awesome. And sometimes I actually let him in, emotionally. I don’t do that to anybody. I hide my feelings fairly well unless instigated. He’s getting fed up with my lack of concern towards myself. I wish I could just be like, “I’m really just venting, let me freak out. It’s fine, I’m not going to cut up.”. But alas here I am, getting all guilted up because I can’t change who I am. I’m completely worthless. Don’t try to tell me I’m not, I know the truth. I can’t literally remember a moment that didn’t end in guilt or shame. […]
Newer Posts