Raining endlessly, the usual bipolar weather of New England. Cold & drabby, yet a constant reminder of how she feels on a regular basis. Allows her to empathize with at least something, but ironically rain has no vitalities, schedules, appointments, nothing. Mere droplets, all without knowledge, lacking a single breath of life, just free falling, rhythmically dancing with not a even a slight reason or for any purpose. It’s all just there, forced to fall by the weathering ways of Earth’s atmosphere, its recycling. Yet may still compare with individuals prior to “living,”, born without a choice, forced to live amongst others, unknowing & dancing […]
I really do. I’m a sadist. I get off on hurting people and torturing people.
I have never felt happiness in any real sense, in any sense YOU would understand. But fear, the atmosphere of terror after some horrible event, the way fear creeps through a small community after a murder, I LOVE that.
I recall, one day I was walking home from work – slow, dejected, tired – I saw news of a local murder and some grim new details of it. And I instantly perked up, I thanked God for such bloody work and walked home with a spring in my step.
And I think this […]
I havent been cut for a month now. Im a HERO. but something about the atmosphere today makes me feel wothless. Feelin alone! I dont wanna feel the same ,like i used to. I want to be happy:|
The stars lean down to kiss you,Â
And I lie awake and miss you.
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.
‘Cause I’ll doze off safe and soundly,Â
But I’ll miss your arms around me.
I’d send a postcard to you dear,Â
‘Cause I wish you were here.
I’ll watch the night turn light blue.
But it’s not the same without you,Â
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,Â
The silence isn’t so bad,Â
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,Â
‘Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.
I’ll find repose in new ways,Â
Though I haven’t slept in […]
Of those victims that have been sex-abused, the thought of your own body just piece of meat.
Wishing to die, trying your best to detach mind from what that is, a body of filth but with worth to ravish.
Body that young is then out finding guys to ascertain if still a value left there of that pathetic meat, but all that to be found will just be disappointing, if not inviting downrightly another force-entry.
Being young should be fun enjoying school years innocently, but often have to find being called sluts.
As if already there an atmosphere of lust (if not gloomy) stamped on the […]
Just not sure of everything again. I cannot believe this feeling would revisit me this soon. I feel like it was just weeks ago that I started feeling great inside. Today, it’s just the opposite.
Everyday, I’m feeling irritated of almost everything and everyone around. My family’s full of judgemental beings. My parents are way too preoccupied with caring for their favorite daughter’s son. My brothers are way too busy playing their games. Older sisters are too busy with their lives. Younger sister currently living under the same roof is full of judgement. At one point in this lifetime, I feel close to her, like […]
This is a first. I’m sitting in the dark, if it weren’t for the glow of my phone’s screen. Pathetic, is it not? The age we live in. Specifically 4:46am in the wilderness that is upstate New York. This place is devoid of all things meant to nourish – as a life long denizen it’s cruel atmosphere is taking it’s harsh toll on me. Too many thoughts, too many restless nights….the cold air has entered my mentality and is stifling all that may prosper. I lay here contemplating attempt #3. I have given up yet again. It’s been 6 years since […]
So…. Updates for those who are interseted in me and my mental health, which is probably none of you….:/.
At 1am On Monday 6th February…my new nephew was born, i met him today and he is stunning….im in love, might upload a photo of us…
Im not talking to my dad, still. we got into an arguement after the whole police thing and thats just been it. i miss him though….should i apologise? do i even have anything to apologise for?….
I’m also considering a foster home, because as long as i’m living here i don’t think i’m going to get better…. so much stress and negative atmosphere….
I’m […]
ok, So that guy started talking to me again last night, he wanted to do it again. But i made up excuses like i wanted to do but had other things to do and i had to go….
And then today on facebook, One of his friends who he told about our past actions asked me this….’answer this question honestly ok? ♥
 if i offered to shag you 😉 what would you say? ;)♥’. I couldnt believe it…. I feel so dirty and used.
And all of that just added to yesterday, my dad didnt even say […]