for a very very long time i have felt distanced from my family from people from life. i mean eight grade was the darkest time of my life… i faked my way out of a suicide/depression test so i could get out of therapy convinced i didnt have a problem i would never do anything its all words and words dont mean anything. but words mean alot and words can hurt a lot. for as long as i cna remember i have been pushed away by my parents. they have no love for me. i have two younger sisters who absorb all their attention and […]
Tag:
Awful Place
Pfft, the last post I made was a lie. I said I’ve ‘hit my lowest point’ but that’s more like now or the near future. I tried to literally run away from my problems, and I was naïve to think it would help anything. I got 57 miles on foot before a cop started questioning me, and he eventually arrested me (since running away where I live illegal). That’s the only reason I’m still in this tiny little hellhole of mine where as much as the people around me may have good intentions, I can’t take it. I’d run away again, even though as I […]
Today I found out about one more person I know who has cancer. Seems like there has been so many and so many deaths lately and I guess my point in all that is that I would trade them in a heart beat. It makes no sense to me why someone like me who could give a shit if I am on this crap planet another second lives and someone else who wants to live, gets cancer or some other illness. I am 39 years old and question everything I have ever done in my life. Question who I am, question it all. I am […]
I have attempted suicide twice. Once by hanging and once by pills and alcohol.
Both times I saw it as the only way to end the pain of being alive, of living my life, with my thoughts and my ideas of my future.
And both times I was radically incorrect about how my life would turn out. As I write this I am only now aware of that. I was so totally wrong about how things would play out for me, of all the joys and experiences I would have, of the love I would feel, of the ups that would somehow manifest themselves. If I had […]