“monica? monica where are you?” as my mother yelled loudly while walking up the white wood staircase.*bang on door and sound of a door knob clicking* “monica open the god damn door or you will be grounded for weeks!” yelled my mother at my door.”WHAT?” I yelled madly back. “open the door” mother said with a slightly lower sounding voice. “no” I yelled. “monica i just wanted to tell you dinner is ready, if your hungry. i answered quickly so she would go away quicker “no thanks mom im just going to go to sleep” she yelled back ” ok […]
Tag:
Back Door
It’s dark in here,
I can’t always find the switch or the air to breathe.
My days turn into the hell,
My nights are the blissful peace,
Because it’s the only place where I may really do it this time.
I put those awful pills in my mouth again, the taste was sweet serenity,
I lay back with a razor close to my hand,
I look at those cuts, I hear my heart beat ….
Slowly and surely I hope it’ll work this time.
My note is left on the back of my door,
Please don’t suffer over my longing to be gone,
Be gone from this world, cause it’s no longer a world at all.
The […]
My name is Christiane and I am 20 years old. This is my story.
My mom and dad had been fighting badly the past few years. They had been married 19 years but were together for 22 years. We lived in Florida as the only blood family around. All our family lived in California. My dad would get angry with my mom and fly her there when he thought he was done with her. This was about the third or fourth time it happened and during this last time my mom was in California, my dad took his own life.
On April 11, 2013 I came home […]
So I’ve been dealing with depression for awhile, and it’s been in different forms each time if that makes sense? Like meaning the way I see myself and others around me. Beginning in highschool and through it I had a rough time dealing with others, by my junior year I was into death metal and planning on getting a gun to kill everyone in school. Even now I’m not as shaken by that statement as I should be and that’s what lead me to my next part of depression. By my second year of college I was alone, sure I had family and friends who would see me, sometimes […]
From a time before I could remember, I’ve been tormented. At home, my father would abuse me -not physically, but emotionally and verbally. But that hurt more than the real abuse my step-mother would give me on a near-daily basis. I was moved from the front of the front of my family’s love, to the basement of our new house, while my stepsister got a real bedroom, with a heater, with a real floor, a real bed, and a window.
Every day I woke up to objects being thrown at me because my new sister didn’t want to touch me -afraid she would catch what I […]
Well, I’m not really sure how to do this.. But, here goes.
October 7th, 2010, exactly a week after my 14th birthday, I attempted to commit suicide. I shot myself in the head with a 22 Rugger handgun. I felt as if nobody cared, like something was wrong with me because I just could’t be happy no matter what I did. I didn’t want to feel this way but, I couldn’t control it. I felt like a burden on my family, I felt as if it’d be easier on them if I just disappeared. That day at school, all I could think about was, “What […]
I miss how he made me feel important. I loved being around him. Don’t exactly know why but I did. I liked when he would come over and watch movies with me. He would stare into my eyes while he laughed at the dumbest jokes, I loved it. I don’t know what feelings I had for him really. Did I like him as a brother or something more? We used to go to the movies and to restaurants, I just loved being around him. I guess it got too weird for him. But it’s been months and I still think about him. My only wish […]
I’m sitting in my high school integrated science class, the closest seat to the front right hand corner facing the class. My teacher is babbling about how my class never shuts up.
“maybe if you actually taught something once in a while..” my mind starts fading and my eyes begin to wonder..
I land on the obnoxious popular boy sitting in the corner with his “clique”, I wonder if he knows they’re going to leave him if they find someone better. There’s some kid sleeping in the back corner by the door, I wonder if his mom cares about his slipping grades.. I wonder why […]
i have had many suicide attempts, and i will share them all eventually, but this is one of the more recent ones, and it is the one that disturbs me most..
i had been feeling bad for a while, things were getting on top of me, i was living with my boyfriend in a really cramped flat, it was summer, and a few things happened, i had a minor fit of paranoia when my friend tripped me up at the pub he didnt mean to, yet i saw it as he did, i was feeling abandoned, and lonely, i didnt want to be with my boyfriend […]