I’ve never posted here before, or ever really posted anything about my feelings publicly before. I never learned to properly express my emotions, either. I think that has led to me having a lot of things bottled up inside me. My childhood wasn’t great, so I have a lot of feelings built up about that. I ended up having to act like an adult before I got the chance to really have a childhood. I think that’s really taken a toll on me. I may end up posting here more. It can never hurt to try another way of coping.
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Background
Man is unable to handle his freedom.
Why can’t i choose between my heights and depths? why do i get so weak  when it comes to my choosing, and start searching some strength from here and there?
This base force…its very powerful. and its power is in its persistence, its ever-presence in background. I want to rise. i even know formulas for that. then why don’t i? because in all void moments of life this base force becomes active. and then i seek oblivion, self-forgetting, escape…then i seek non-responsibility, just letting everything happen…then i seek darkness, destruction, wanting everything to end. and in those moments its so […]
I made an earlier post. You can click it here: http://suicideproject.org/2013/06/200363/
In there, it sounded like everything was great in my life and in my past. I think I should shed some light on that. Everything started when I was five years old.
My grandmother was a terrible woman and I was her latest punching bag. She had done this to my father and was now doing it to me. She would hit me, humiliate me, insult me, and other things as well.
I remember her always calling me trailer trash, no matter what I did or wore. Sometimes, I wasn’t allowed to finish a whole […]
I’m a 14 year old guy.
These are some of the reasons I think I should commit suicide.
I was at a good friend’s house. He walked down the hall. I thought to use the restroom. He came back with a shotgun. He told me what a worthless son of a ***** I was and that he was going to kill me. He pressed the gun against the side of my head. Then pulled it back and looking frustrated with himself for not following through, punched me. I layed there while he yelled at me and told me why he hated me until my parents got there […]
I truly don’t know where to start; what I feel right now is from years adding up. It is from everything I have delt with and truly feels like nothing is ever enough. Please bare with my bad grammer and sentence structure I am typing as it comes to me and I’m a little shoken up at the molment.
Ok background I have two brothers who are older than me the eldest we will call Nick the middle Kevin. I am a gay male and I know the fact but have never accepted it. If you ask me I will tell you truthfully I am. If […]
I don’t get it
I don’t get why were expected to LIVE in a society where it’s so hard TOO live. What has past generations done to us, done to the country, done to the world.
WE ARE ANIMALS, nothing more, nothing less.
Why are there rules to live, laws, what gives us the right to wipe out other species of animal, what gives us the right to burn down natural landscapes. We are animals, we are agressive, we DO have hunting instincts, whats the point in money and destroying the plannet. I’m ashamed to be human.
Why do we have to put up with so much shit in […]
In both cases, I have many secrets. Many told and twisted, others kept in shame. I could make this post very long and quite wordy; however, I will leave out as much shame as necessary. First off, everything in my life seems perfect. Too perfect. I have a great husband, great dogs, house paid off, little debt, and all of the other “blessings” we all find in this world. We live a quite normal life, as much as we can anyways. But, I am still sad..all of the time. Over and over, I think about how much I should not be sad, should know my […]
Hello there, The angel from my nightmare, The shadow in the background of the morgue….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
I have breakdowns. Because I have mental health problems. And these breakdowns are quite possibly some of the scariest things I have to endure. I don’t get a choice, They can happen at random. And yeah, Sometimes I want support.. So I attention seek. But considering at all other times all I am trying to do is make others happy, I thought people would be able to let that go.. But no.
I’m fucking sick of this. The world is a cruel selfish *****, Just like me probably. I know most of you have thought that before.. I wanted to stick around for the good things […]
where does it all come from? It seems to be endless, a voracious beast with an unquenchable appetite. The emptiness surrounds me, sticks to my skin like some disgusting, sticky black membrane, constantly separating me from the world, never allowing any emotions in or out.
Sometimes I feel it as a stab of desperate loneliness, and I want nothing more than to scream–but I can’t find the energy. Other times it recedes to the background as a dull throbbing, and I’ll sit in one place for hours on end. Sometimes it verges on something vaguely resembling pain, though even then it’s as if I can’t even […]
I had my first suicidal thoughts last December… Triggering factor? Have no idea. At first it was just ideas like «i think it would be much better if i was going far far away». After, reflections on life, death, suffering… images of death… images of my death in dreams… and… after… images of my death when im awake, when i watch a movie, when i laugh to a good joke with friends… i see myself everywhere dying… for over a month now…. I see myself hanging by a rope in the corner of my office… or injecting myself a high dose of morphin, which i […]
My background:
I had started wondering about death and would habitually wish for death and say ‘never mind’ 3 times afterward. This started when I was around 10, until one day I stopped saying ‘never mind’ and decided to see what would happen.
My life has been met with intense anger, anger that caused me to once whip my mother with a PC controller wire after I smashed it off the banister when I was around 16.
I started cutting myself on Valentine’s Day 2007, senior year. I started under the notion that everyone would leave me once we graduated. They all did except one. My last friend […]