I’m back on campus and it’s just overwhelming. Between school and my other responsibilities I get so stressed. And I just cry. I’ve been doing good about not having bad thoughts (why am I alive? whats the point? why did I die when I tried? etc..) but the past few days they’ve come back with a vengeance. And I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to do life.
Tag:
Bad Thoughts
Have you ever reached a point of sadness where you just . . . Stop? You stop thinking because there’s just so many bad thoughts. Any thought you do have is incoherent; merely a few words in a jumble that you can’t put in any sensible order. Nothing seems right. The words mean nothing to you anyway. For these three days or so, you shut down. You are clockwork. It’s almost like nothing matters anymore. You can do anything you like, there are no rules; no restrictions. You walk around following your daily pattern, knowing what you need to do but not thinking about any […]
Why I feel this way I don’t know. I’m just upset about nothing. Pathetic, really. Right? I wasn’t bullied. I wasn’t raped. I wasn’t abused. I’m just sad. I really do wish that I had a proper reason; a trigger; a valid purpose for wanting to end my life. They all say life will get better, but I don’t think it will. I used to. I thought this was all just a phase; a couple years of my life spent wallowing in my own pity and sadness. I’m only a teenager, after all. I will be sad sometimes. But this is a new feeling. A feeling […]
suicide is a never ending cycle.
first it starts with anxiety, you cant handle it, you starting having bad thoughts, sad thoughts, thoughts that wont leave your head and before long youre hurting yourself. then after youve hurt yourself you get anxious again because you know you shouldnt have done it, and that makes you upset. its a cycle and its vicious
theres only on way to break the cycle
seriously I think I’m losing it. It’s like my mind is eating itself with bad thoughts and I don’t think I can handle it at this point. I need to feel nothing at this point. I can’t bring myself to commit suicide at this point, I have too many failed attempts to mess up again. I just kind of want to not exist? but never have existed I think is a more accurate term. I see my therapist on Wed. but I don’t know how it will go, I think he is going to give me skills to cope which I don’t know how that […]
hi, i’m not a good writer, so i’ll just lay it out. Â im 32, ive spent the last four years busting my ass to get into grad school. I have always been depressed, but I don’t remember much from before my dad died. Last may I found out I was gonna have a son. In Sept my mom died. In Dec my baby was born. This semester was a blur, but I managed to fail the GRE, get rejected from grad school, fail a critical class, but I managed to walk with my class back in may. My aunt has just been diagnosed with […]
This is the first time I post something on here but I feel like I’m finally ready to do something like this. For this first post I think I’m just gonna tell my story, I need to get it off my chest.
On the 30 of September 17 years ago my brother was born. And 2 years later on his birthday, I was born. We always shared our birthday and it was something really special. Me and my brother were always close, like few brothers and sisters are. Besides being my brother, he was also my best friend.
But it all ended on the 25 […]
i remember when life was fun, it was exciting and adventurous. i remember as a little girl, sitting in class dreaming of growing up and travelling the world. i remember dreaming of the places i would go, and the things i would do. i remember dreaming of my career, and the love of my life. but now, i sit here in year 11. life seems to have gone so quickly, i walk through the hallways at school as a  nobody. invisible and unseen. bad thoughts running through my head, constantly. life seems to be a burden now, a task, something i must endure. yet no […]
I need reassurance. I think way to much. i need to be productive. Block out any damaging thoight that is uncomfortable. I have to stop analysing stop second guessing myaelf.
Any dosturbing thought -BLOCKED.
As i conciously start identofying bad thoughts i realiZe theyre EVERYWHERE and i LET them dictate how i feel.
Any suggestions how i can block these uncomfortable thoughts??
For example i often analyze what ive said to someone or how i answered them and i asked myself “how did that sound to them? And all these uncomdortable questions about what ive done and if i did it “right” i […]
This is mental torture. My brain wont allow positive feelings and pleasures, it rejects them like foreign territory. It is not used to positivity so it doesnt know what to do with it. It teased me by making me feel confident and excided and content and motivated for a very short time then slaps me back in the face and replaces these good feelings with guilt anxiety paranoia saddness bordome and fear. It feeds these thoughts into my mind virtually automaticly , thoughts like “you are undeserving to feel content, get praise, . You are a bad person your doing it all wrong, you cant […]
I have died in my dreams a hundred times. I have tried to kill myself several times in my waking life, which seems more like a living nightmare to me. Â In all the 20 years I’ve lived I haven’t done a single good thing. All I have is regrets, though when I come to rethink the steps I took and the choices I made there doesn’t seem to be another way I could have gone.
I have been a complete failure since my childhood. But back then I took life much easier because my childhood activities took me away from all the bad thoughts and my […]
I know it may be naive but please attempt to listen to what i have to say
written by searching for hope
I wrote an essay on how to be happy and remain in that state of mind no matter the situations in your life. It basically focuses in changing your mental process. i believe that if we learn how to control our thoughts, we can control our emotions and actions. For example, if you catch yourself having bad thoughts, learn how to replace them by good thoughts. Its a long process but it can help you if you put effort into it and continue to practice it with patience and belief. Some of us have gone through the worst things in life, in fact, depression and […]
Just a little peom..
Today is a very good day to die.
Every living thing is in a harmony with me.
Every voice sings a chorus within me.
All beauty has come to rest in my eyes.
All bad thoughts have departed from me.
Today is a very good day to die.
My land is peaceful around me.
My fields have been turned for the last time.
My house is filled with laughter.
My children have come home.
Yes, today is a very good day to die.
I just can’t take it anymore. I got through high school, came to college expecting things to change, and they were getting better. Then all at once my mood starts shifting again. The bad thoughts come back. All I do is drink my pain away, but tonight I’m staying sober and all I can think about is just ending it. I hate waking up, I hate people, I hate myself most of all. I hate who I am, how I act, and my life outlook. My depression is fueled by the anger I have for what a piece of shit I am. I really really […]
Hi, i’m 15, I’m a girl, and I’ve been through hell. I’m a sophomore, and I know what its like to lose everyone you’ve ever had. My mom had me at 16, and starting at three years old, my mom was dating around a lot, got hip on drugs and alcohol. Both of my parents were VERY bad alcoholics. My mom was dating this guy that beat her, and made me watch, then my sister was born, I was three, taking care of a baby my mom couldn’t take care of.. We got evicted and lived in a car for a week when i was […]
Its come to my conclusion that i am going to try and off myself again.Im scared to death cause its a past method im using one that almost killed me.Im scared to death of doing this.But that little short lived happy time is over.Its left me and its always going to come and then not be there and i cant stand that.I am filth thats all i am while im alive.
The method will be successful this time.I would check myself into a mental hospital but there all crappy except the one i recently came from.That is to far away to go to.
I dont […]
I thought I had beaten the bad thoughts, but apparently not. They’re back. Again… They’re back, they’re stronger than ever and I’m too tired to face them. I really wish people could know how many times I’ve fought this off…. How many times all I could think of was not waking up again. How many times I’ve drafted the same letter, trying to find the right words to explain to the people I love why I had to leave them. And each time, I get closer… The letter is now 11 pages long. It is placed in the right place to be found by the […]
Everyday I think to myself: Why am I not dead yet? All of this is POINTLESS. So why bother? Maybe I could suffer through this, but I’d be SUFFERING. Everyday it’s the distractions, it’s the “what can I do to NOT think about X” – but it comes to mind anyway, stays there. All those bad thoughts make a cozy home in my mind. I question why I don’t just write up a note and go already…I’m so confused. I’m almost fed up with this “try to change” shit.
I found out I was Pregnant about 4 months ago. I took two pregnancy tests and both came out positive , that night I started to Spot blood. Everyone Said it was normal, but My body was saying something else. I started having tummy pains and I couldn’t eat or drink anything with out me thinking it’s nasty. The next morning I was Bleeding a Little more so my opinion was that since this is my First pregnancy that my body wasn’t used to me not having my period so I didn’t think bad thoughts. Well now my Stomach is in complete pain and now […]
I haven’t been on this site for a while, I don’t think many people paid attention to the few things I did write a while back, but if they did, thank you[:
I just reread the things I wrote, and I remember all the thoughts and feelings I had. I’m glad to say they are gone [:
I talked about my bestfriend once or twice in them. We went through this whole fighting and not talking thing for a little while there, now, he’s living with me, and we are dating 😀 I now know, he saved me. That one kid saved my whole life, and […]
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