I think the fact that I was raped and nobody (friends) believe me or support me is what’s going to make me pull the trigger. I told one of my close friends about it yesterday but I made it seem like it was a friend who got raped and not me. And he said “well was she flirting with him.” That pissed me off. Then I said does it matter, she said no and kept trying to push him off. Then he continues to say “Well I know how guys think. He probably thought she was playing hard to get.” “maybe in her mind […]
bad
Riddle me this: Why does my father think my mother is too blame for my insanity or the fact my brother can’t find a job? He says the reason “we don’t do anything is because our mother babied us too much” and that caused me to become apathetic how exactly? He is the one that thinks beating us would’ve helped… Normally, a mother’s gentleness should’ve translated to me wanting to help others. Instead, I want to watch them burn.
I can’t even fake “normalcy” anymore. I can’t even force myself to give the illusion that I care about my studies. I’m done with pretending. It’s time […]
Took one pill the night before to calm my nerves. Guess it was a bad one, made me vomit all day long. I couldn’t stomache anything, let alone my 16 pills. Try again this Sunday I guess
My grandma has been living here because of certain circumstances, but she keeps inviting over my little bad ass cousin and she disrupts the entire house! My grandma even told her it was all right for her to stay today and she missed school. For what? Just to go around and get on everyone’s nerves in the house? The girl does NOT listen at all. She’s a bad apple. Period. The girl finally left today and I heard her tell my grandma “See you next week” so I blew the fuck up at my grandmother because this is NOT just her house.
It’s so inconsiderate to […]
mother has been in the hospital for the last three days they thought she had a stroke or a heart attack . my mother has had paraplegic migraines and sist on the center of her brain . She was been sick since I was 10 or 11. ..now if she has relapased She will be like she was before was really bad I dont remember much becuase I shut those memories away.
Now the doctor said he found scaring on the brain the was scaring from the past but it might be new or if the sist grew that will be brain surgery.
There was no heart […]
I get ignored just like usual. If i want to go out anywhere or do anything I just seem to go by myself these days. If i go with family members it just turns into one huge screaming match by the end of it. I know my sis is graduating high school and that’s great and all… But it feels like if i say anything people just get irritated and annoyed. I’m trying to stay positive and happy with my music and thoughts but i know i am slowly slipping. The guy i really like. we have so much in common and weve been friends […]
It seems like every few nights anxiety rears it’s ugly head. I can ignore it for a while until I realize my jaws been clenched so tight my head hurts and I’m getting short of breath. I’ve had the jaw thing going on so long I swear it’s changed the shape of my face. Anxiety does not discriminate….it can be over something valid like finances or something so damn stupid (a dripping pipe, that’s tonight) I did everything I could do to remedy the issue but I can’t help but to get anxious. I’ve been to the basement a few times just to keep checking, […]
I just got out of an abusive relationship. I will not say in what profession, because I don’t want to give out too much information, but it was in a profession of pressure, where you’re expected to be hazed and belittled. This relationship was not a boyfriend or a husband, it was mentor-to-apprentice. Most of the time, when you hear of abusive relationships, it is a significant other, and I just want to say that, sometimes, it’s a boss or a friend.
This man had incredible talents, and I had the opportunity to become highly skilled in my craft from learning under this man. He […]
It seems like for so many people, relationships or family is what keeps them alive or gives their life meaning. I’m kind of the opposite, though. In my adult life I’ve never gotten much benefit from close relationships. Eventually I tend to feel trapped, or burdened by their expectations. And because I’m so hypersensitive, the inevitable squabbles and conflicts can be excruciating for me. So I get very little of the good and all of the bad.
At the same time, I’m not immune to loneliness, as much as I wish I could just go live in an abandoned cave for the rest of my life. So it’s always […]
I already know how it’s going to be. Saturday I’ll work like crazy catching up on laundry and housework and cook something good, probably chili because it’s going to be cold. Sunday will be crap cause it always is. I’ll probably be somewhat hungover, as usual. I hate every day I work because it’s getting too stressful but days off are just as bad, if not worse. Guess I’m just stuck in a rut. Hope I can enjoy this weekend. I’m getting so tired of everything lately. I’m rambling and I’m done. It feels like my moods crashing already. Goodnight.
So my husband comes home from work (he got a job with his parents) and apparently he had a bad day. I spent the day learning how to make Onigiri (Japanese rice balls) granted it didn’t take me long but still. I made some for him because I know manual labor is hard and I wanted him to know he’s loved. He comes in and starts throwing off his clothes angrily (he was going to take a shower) and I made the mistake of asking what’s wrong. He yelled at me that he had a bad day and not to start in on him. I […]
Don’t cry or feel too bad. Not all martyrs see divinity.But at least you tried.
I’m gonna clean the house.
I’m gonna fix that fence.
In my final hours,
I’m gonna tie up these loose ends.
I won’t leave a note
For anyone to find.
Cause tomorrow they’ll know
Just what I’ve done tonight.
My children 17 & 15 really don’t want anything to do with me since there father & I separated. I had to leave him to save my sanity but now I’m thinking maybe I should have stayed for my children. My X is very heartless & has told the children lies about me. I don’t tell them anything about what there father has done to me during the marriage. I don’t think that would be right. As I watch them pull away from me, I’ve become very depressed & distant. They have always been my world & I adore them but I’m hurting so bad. […]
Hey guys,
My names MyDestiny but you can also call me Rob if you want as it doesn’t matter to me. I found this forum just the other day and thought it was quite an interesting place with nice people sharing their stories so i’ve decided to put mine out there.
I gotta say it feels really weird to tell anyone about how i feel since in reality nobody suspects a thing is wrong and i never speak much of how i really feel to anybody. However i do feel that my friends (The only two that i have) may be catching on a bit […]
I’m not doing well tonight. Got in a fight with my boyfriend. It wasn’t a huge fight or anything but it just left me feeling so bad. We had a nice dinner planned. Well, he did. Then one little thing I didn’t do set him off and now he’s sleeping but he made himself something to eat. It’s absolutely stupid really. He was mad because didn’t have a beer for him when he got home from work. Nevermind the fact I was on my way back from the store when he happened to get home an hour early. No use explaining. I really didn’t feel […]
What do you all consider a bad friend to be like? I’d like to know your view on it because I feel my friends are treating me poorly..
So I’m new on here and just found the site today but I think this could be beneficial for me. I am 27 years of age, I’ve been married over a year (almost 6 years with the guy), our house and car are paid off, and I have two wonderful dogs. I don’t know why I’m feeling this way. I’ve struggled with depression off and on for awhile and it’s getting bad now. I am so sorry in advance this is going to be long…
My husband is loving but not understanding at all, he is homemaker (I think that’s what it’s […]
Just a song a wrote a few years ago after having my heart broken by a stupid boy…I was reminiscing on what it was like when I had the creativity to write, and it felt good to play. This recording is rough, and I messed up obviously a few times, but doing it has helped to curb the pain today.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Used-to-Be-5_5_16-12.52-PM.m4a
Verse
Sometimes I try too hard
It never gets me very far
And this whole darn world could stop
And I’d never know
‘Cause I’m watching you go
And I don’t wanna settle back down
Into being by myself
‘Cause this whole darn world would […]
Bree hasn’t left me alone all day. Neither have the voices. They’ve all been taunting me, knowing what was happening today. My Nan had a hospital appointment. She’d been getting pains in her back. Turns out, her terminal cancer has spread to her spine now. And it’s all my fault.
They warned me. The voices warned me, the Angels warned me. Bree warned me. They said they would make my family suffer if I didn’t do what they said. Now they’ve done this. This is all my fault. And everything will only get worse if I don’t listen to them.
I told everyone it would be bad […]
On top of the many reasons for contemplating suicide, there is one that seems odd to even me. A lot of my reasons are about pain and suffering that I dont want to endure anymore. But this one is different.
Sometimes I wish I would commit suicide so when people find out they can have that moment of realization thinking “ohhh so he was that disturbed to the point of suicide”. And I like to think about people from my distant past too. There have been so many moments in my life that my interaction with people can be reduced to conflict and a degrading, judgmental […]