you look at my life, seems calm and cozy. i have a well balcenced life with exersise and friends. got ski racing and cadets. From a birds eye view it looks as if  i have the near perfect life not just from other people but i think so to but im just so sad. my life is overrun in my mind i gotta think what to do next for cadets so the head officer wont give me shit. But he does any way no matter how hard i try. he tell me to do a list of things i need for next week. usaully saying […]
Tag:
Balcony
I thought I would be okay, but in three day’s time, I had another accident.
A few days ago, I slit my wrist up. Never deep enough to kill, but just enough sting to get the point across. I padded it up and wrapped an ace bandage around it, claiming I just sprained it. No one at work questioned it, my boyfriend didn’t say anything outright about it. It’s hard to keep things from him though. So I told him. He grabbed my wrist and took a glance. He said my name, which sounded so… Off. It doesn’t feel right when he says it. It […]
I wasn’t supposed to come home. My deadline is approaching and I have no opportunities left. I didn’t want to reach the age 16 but my birthday is less than two weeks away. And then school starts. And then as stupid as it sounds, I won’t have time to be suicidal. FUCK.
Story time:
I just returned from a family trip in Europe. We visited a bunch of cities and I thought maybe one would have a building I could throw myself off of. No such luck. I had only one chance but I couldn’t do it. I was in the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam, […]
It’s been a long year.
Well, almost a year.
The last time I posted anything on here, I was in a semi-good place with my life and I was slowly getting stronger. The depression was lessening day by day and I was coming to realize that my life wasn’t really as bad as it could be.
I was on the road to recovery.
Since then, I feel like I’ve taken 5 steps forward and 10 steps back. That is why I am back here, to complain about the tiny little mishaps in my life, and some of the big ones. To let you- my beautiful online world of strangers […]
Im gonna miss you… im realy sad… i still hope u gonna change your minde. Im sitting on my balcony at night,listening to qruickets and thinking of you. No matter what you did you are a nice guy…
I used to be so happy especially at school I don’t really get bullied and this year im in year 6 and I really found my true friends I was happiest at school and going to school. I’ve liked loads of guys nothing big just like fake crushes but then I really like this guy called Christian and then there was this little rumour that he like this girl in his class coz he is a year younger but the classes are really close and from what he’s said he doesn’t. but still doesn’t stop my heart from hurting and at home for the last […]
I want to feel happy again,
I’m sick and tired of this world.
There’s nothing to feel but pain and hatred.
I may have not done much,
but the actions I’ve made are enough.
The bile of hatred rises from the heart,
to break me.
To break me from my small air of hope.
I can never take a breath of relaxation,
I can barely rest without panic.
I want to see myself fall off my balcony,
I picture my blood seeping through my flesh.
I want to have my guts torn from my insides out,
I don’t want to feel this, it only makes me feel alive.
I don’t want to smile, for you.
I want to smile for […]
i’m 28. currently unemployed and living with my mother. i just (on xmas eve) had my second consecutive miscarriage in less than two yrs (both different fathers, so it’s not a chromosome incapatibility) i’m beyond broken from this. ALL i think about is dying day and night. or getting so F’d up on pills so i don’tt ‘feel’ anymore but i can’t get any. my mother was supportive and comforting at first, then i got upset and called her a name. she wont let me forget it nor does she understand i did not mean it, i was hurt and taking my pain out on the […]
I talk about this with a lot of people, but I take it so lightly and act like talking about it doesn’t hurt but it does. You probably want to know what I act like I take “lightly”. It’s about my biological Dad, he was abusive and would hurt my Mom and I. When I was two she divorced him but I still remember what he did to me. He would hit me and one time he actually held me over our balcony and almost dropped me. You may not believe me about this because a lot of people don’t but it’s true. I remember […]