Seriously the days are getting so hard :(. I don’t want to do this anymore. I am so sick of pretending to be happy and doing what I am supposed to. I know my life isn’t going to change. Tonight it took almost everything I had to not just run away and hide and start over alone. Seriously I have like no friends. No one to talk to and I am so sick of being alone and having no one when I need them. The only voices I hear are on tv. :(. I don’t know how long I can live in this sucluded life.
I’m 30 years old. Nearly everyone has cheated on me. I think that my boyfriend will if he hasn’t already. There is always something for him that I have to fix about myself. I feel like I can never be good enough. My family is fed up with me complaining about him, because it’s my choice to be with him. I don’t want to break up with him because I remember what it was like to have him fawning over me, and I think that somewhere he cares. I’m so confused, I don’t know who the true person is for him. He’s criticized my weight […]
I feel less suicidal, being nothing.
I am not a student, not an employee, not a daughter, not part of society. Not glum, not unattractive, not any other adjective.
I feel better when I am not obliged to fake emotions. I dont mind being alone anymore. Can I just float through the days, just for awhile?
Can I stop identifying myself as my experiences? Can I stop feeling ashamed for having not accomplished anything? Can I stop identifying as a human, and just wander through Time as nothing, just for a little while?
Am i honestly tired of trying? Yes.ive attempted suicide several times wrote and went through with it but at the last minute i got scared and sought the er this always seems to happen to the point were im expecting ill end up there. I came close to death once unexpectedly overdosing on sleeping pills i was feeling really uncomfortably sleepy and begging my mom to not let me go but that didn’t stop me from trying again that wont stop me now from trying again.to some it would seem were does it end my sister said im putting everyone through a lot of stress […]
A new development has arisen, not only do I feel like the world has abandoned me but it seems my few friends I have left have too. None have spoken to me since I was kicked out of school, the sister I spoke of previously was recently kicked out because she didn’t want to do the work involved for year 12. The school however gave her more help then they ever offered me, I was shoved to the side and told to leave however they gave her 2 months to catch up, they gave her a tutor and said she only had to do 2 […]
A/N: I’m sugar coating this because some points I refuse to go back too.
I was brought into this world, unwilling, unwanted. I have always been told my birth wasn’t planned. I was born with multiple issues with my lungs and heart, and I go to hospital at least twice a year. Since I was little I have had to look after myself and was punished if I didn’t meet my mothers standards “Perfection” everything must be. I was always left home with my drug afflicted father, mother was always “working” my family sees me as a trophy to show off to people and neglect when […]
To this day i always tell me people i love being alone
And it’s true. I do like being alone.
But everyone confuses it with lonliness and i cant stand feeling lonely.
There is no actual point anymore for me.
I have 0 interest in anything anymore.
Ive tried to engage yself in so many activies and trying to do more hobbies but nothing catches me. Nor does the depression help.
I am a hopeless case
I dont want my life to be saved nor am i asking for help when i write this.
I just want to die and stop the pointlessness of what my life is. […]
I quit my job thinking i would be able to make something for myself. of myself. that i would be able to use what i create to support myself. now i see. i cant do this. i cant cope with being alone with my thoughts. i was just on another fucking high. and now i have crashed. i wish i could really see this up down fucking bollocks for what it is… it’s so obvious when i’m coming down, but every time i come up i genuinely believe that this time its forever, everything is better, everything is good. its bullshit. i ALWAYS fall back […]
I’m currently a sophomore in high school. I have a few great friends. But ever since high school started, I’ve gotten extremely tired. I’ve always possessed a hatred for school. Not that I hate learning or anything of that nature, I love learning. Right now I’m participating in a rigorous educational program (IB Programme) at the top of my class. I perform exceptionally well on exams and assessments, usually with little studying or review, if any at all. I turn most of my assignments in on time, but the workload is immense. It does stress me out, just like it does all of my peers, but it doesn’t help […]
So I admitted to my sister yesterday that I need mental help. I’ve been trying to deal with my depression and anxiety myself, but this week has been one long, constant breakdown. I heard a train go through town yesterday and my first thought was, “I wish I was there to jump in front of it.” And I realized I’m not strong enough to handle it myself anymore, if I ever was.
I’m not crazy, their there, always there. They linger in the back of my mind and demand to be heard. Oh the pain, the sweet agonizing pain. Have I created monsters inside me in hopes of never being alone?
Still feeling sick. Sick like slow, tired, dizzy, nauseous… This awful headache. No appetite. Intense amounts of sleep. Going through benzo withdrawal as an unintended side effect of overdosing and the hospital prescribed hydroxyzine to help with anxiety and withdrawal symptoms. The hydroxyzine makes me tired and blank cognitively but I kind of like it because it’s better than being alone with my thoughts.
I haven’t told my family anything. We are the type of family where this sort of thing is swept under the rug and considered a weakness. I had my friend check me out of the hospital which I know was […]
Ever since middle school I’ve always wanted a bf. Almost every night I would cry because I thought no one would ever love me. When I was 18, my best friend introduce me to a guy. We started emailing each other a lot. I get really bad anxiety but that one day I decided to meet him. He picked me up, all he wanted was sex. He kept pressuring me to do it so I felt like I had to. So I lost my virginity to him. He totally left me after that. I was heart broken and sad again. I met this guy on […]
so my father told he should never been with my mum and she’s ugly and she was a mistake in his life
idk why he told me that !! and he told me that he hate us and should’ve gone long time ago..
idk how i was counting on him a lot of things even my college and stuff ..
and now i’ve left with nothing.. and i finally knew he doesn’t even care and want me to be failure and sad
I can’t even take a breath without feeling this pain in my heart ..
this life is too long i can’t keep living with […]
I never thought it would be like this. I never thought I’d want to end my life. When I first thought about it, it scared me but now I’m embracing it. I’m rude, selfish, annoying,stupid, everything you can think of. Im mad though, at my self mostly. Why couldnt I be happy? Why am I such a *****? Why? Why do I always mess everything up? My parents hate me, im failing two classes already, i dont have any close friends. But most of all, I’m tired. Im tired of being alone, Im tired of hating my self so much and most of all, Im […]
I had a domineering dictator of a dad who I was afraid of for most of my childhood. When I was alone, away from him in my room, I was at peace, there was relief. It’s here I found the freedom in being alone.
When you’re alone, you’re not beholden to anyone, you can slip into anonymity and observe. No strings. No attachment. You only have to check things past yourself.
Of course this aloneness brings loneliness and then you’re at an impasse. This is why my few relationships have failed. I want my cake and eat it to. To be alone but not lonely.
I hate myself I can’t take being alone it’s sad…really! I work out but I can’t get abs I’m nice to people but they treat me like shit I treat the women I’m with like gold but they treat me like dirt I can’t talk to women I buy affection from strippers in the form of $30 topless dances. I have bad social anxiety I say stupid shit that’s meant to be funny and when nobody laughs I double down and run my mouth… I’m a […]
Being so socially inept, isolated, and awkward, I completely damaged any social skills I had left. My own family doesn’t feel uncomfortable around me and I’ve just shut them out for months now. I can’t make friends even though I try so hard to be funny and nice, but my personality is so unattractive and annoying. It doesn’t help that I have social anxiety too. I’ve even stopped feeling attachment to people, like I can’t feel their emotions and care; it’s all dismissed as either “I don’t care” or they’re just manipulating me. Now I don’t even care about making friends, it’s such a bother; […]
About 8 or 9 months ago i knew someone and i really started to like her (She is from another country very far from mine), that really changed me to a better person, but more depressive either, i’m a 18 years guy, ugly, boring and depressive, never had any girlfriend in my life, no one loves me, and i’m not being exaggerated, my mom don’t give shit about me and my father is a drug addicted since he had 13 years old, i grew up alone, without friends and without importance to nobody, so for a long time i dedicated my life to studies, i […]
Lately, I’m always in tears when I’m alone. I’m stressed and always nervous. I’m only 13 years old, turning 14 next week. My dad gambles and hides his money and refuses to get a better job. He tells my mom to get one. My mom is always cleaning and cooking and her left hand is barely moveable now. My brother has a job, but he doesn’t work hard anymore. His dream is to be a personal trainer. But I wonder if he’s given up that dream. He’s always gaming and talking to his new girlfriend who’s all the way in LA. He should be able […]