Anyone lost their faith/spirituality/belief after their depression/anxiety/anger/sadness started?…
Hello, new people of the SuicideProject.
My name is Ryan, but you can just call me RealTalk30, or RealTalk, or RT3, or just RT. I am 31 years old and I live in California USA. I’ve been frequenting this web site for about 4 months now, and I’ve become a regular here. I’ve met some really amazing people here, and it’s unfortunate that such amazing people can be so alone, scared and angry. We all have our reasons for being here. My reason for being here is that there is no other place for my selective opinions, not too many places like this one where I […]
My head hurts right now, but not as much as my… thing that pumps blood? Heart! Oh yeah, I almost forgot I had one. Mangled, shot, and stabbed, and still breathing till this day. Quite impressive resilience.
Maybe it’s because college is here again, or I’m slipping into insanity already, but I started missing my ex again. Relapsing, if you would. It’s been getting stronger and stronger the past few days, even though it’s been 2 years already. And I don’t know why. I’ve even resorted to jacking it to her public profile pics on the Book of Faces. Probably my lowest low of all the […]
all of my â€œfriendsâ€ couldnâ€™t care about me and recently iâ€™m realizing that. i lost one of my â€œclosestâ€ friends last thursday because he called me a self-centered b**** and claimed heâ€™d been there for me through everything and i hadnâ€™t given a f*** about him once and never did for anybody. for once, i actually stood up for myself and told him that he was wrong and that sparked things. now weâ€™re not talking.
i miss days from school a lot too and not once has anyone asked in the past few months where iâ€™d been or if i was alright. they donâ€™t even care. […]
We are all created to make our own decisions whether to allow or not ourselves to experience loneliness, anger and despair.
I have always easily pondered on my pain (physical and emotional). I am human so I will always regress but I also know the truth- that I am important, you are important. Even though I do not know any of you who visit these boards, I love you and want you to know that your life, your existence is very important. I have struggled with losing family, people I knew in nursing homes and through documentaries of those in Hospice. You may not know or […]
When i got back from my gospel camp i felt “new” in a way i felt good inside everything was turning around then the “shit hit the fan”. About a few weeks from being back my little sister went to Seattle for her round up band thing and my mother is a volunteer for this band. turns out my mom met some guy who is another volunteer with the round up band and now my parents are splitting up and that’s just one of the things that making me stress out hardcore. If any of you have read my other posts you would have noticed […]
The attacks from my own mind happen all the time:
Before I go to bed
When I do my homework
When I see my friends, all talking, no awkward scilence, looking so happy without me.
Now they have migrated to the classroom.
In biology (my class has 9 people) they happen.
I feel useless,
Agony beyond belief.
I feel as if I am drowning, and there is no light, no better day tomorrow.
The sun won’t come out tomorrow, the pain will never leave,
I will forever be a burden.
I go to the back of the lab stations, and I curl up in […]
Hi everyone,i’d like to share my story with you people who are by good chance going to understand it. I’m italian, i’m 20, i’m studying medicine and i’ve got pretty much everything that can be asked to life, i’ve got friends, i’ve got a path to follow, i’ve got loving parents,i’m smart and stuff.. Â i’ve got no real problem, i’ve got no big issues, i’ve got nothing, i’m just like the average guy,and i feel sorry for the many of you who actually have something to complain about,something hard, but it’s been already two years since i started asking myself what the meaning was..you know […]
I am a 29 year old male. I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. I have attempted suicide several times, I chose to believe that perhaps there was a reason why I survived. As if there a purpose to my existence. However at this point I have abandoned that frail belief and have chosen to give up completely. I can not remember most of my past, the memories are there but they have become so faded and blurry I can no longer distinguish the realities of my past with the vibrant thoughts of my once over active imagination.
The first attempt […]
My best friend stayed with me for 20 days, We were high the entire time laughing and listening to the radio, and watching cartoons, when he left it smashed my heart in half I was just coming down and the whole thing felt like I time warped through it all. My plan was to kill myself after my friend left, I made the most of the time but now the moment is on me, it warped so fast I cant believe it. Even seeing the names of any shows I watched with him makes my heart clench up, He doesnt expect it, I didnt realize […]
since 3rd grade i’ve struggled with trichotillomania. for those who do not know, trichotillomania, often linked to anxiety disorders, is a hair pulling disorder. many people think it is just a habit -like my mother- but it is not. my father believes this issue of mine can be fixed by using punishment, he’s fed this idea to my mum and she’s tried it. of course it didn’t work. my doctor suggested prozac -my mums against any anti depressants- i want it so badly. i want it so that i can have my hair grow back nice and thick, i want it because a side effect […]
Ugh, God. The past few months have been hell, even with all of the nice comments people’ve put on my posts. I’m stressed out beyond belief, I haven’t slept in 3 days, literally. I haven’t eaten in… fuck, I can’t remember the last time I ate. My dad’s threatened to punch me in the face multiple times, he’s yelled and screamed at me, telling me I’m not good enough. My grades, as hard as I’ve tried, have plummeted. From A’s and B’s last year, to C’s, D’s, and a few F’s. My girlfriend is possibly going to prison, and I could go too. My best […]
I wrote an essay on how to be happy and remain in that state of mind no matter the situations in your life. It basically focuses in changing your mental process. i believe that if we learn how to control our thoughts, we can control our emotions and actions. For example, if you catch yourself having bad thoughts, learn how to replace them by good thoughts. Its a long process but it can help you if you put effort into it and continue to practice it with patience and belief. Some of us have gone through the worst things in life, in fact, depression and […]
I feel sorry for not being here for the last four or so days. I have no excuse, but the fact that I was stressed beyond belief. And I didn’t want to come here in fear that I’d become snappish and sarcastic to people, who actually need genuine help. And this all happens right before I go to the hospital, too.
But now I’m here. And I’m sad. I’m usually not, some of you know that. But today I am.
I remembered my father’s death today. And it saddened me, because I remember now, 3 years later, that I was partly at fault for his death.
He started […]
Controlled by a Masked Man By MissCMF
Â© Copyright November 2012
I canâ€™t control any move, my head gives up soul comes to prove
The voices chant, the pain begins; I know I will never win
Crashing into tables, causing tears, but no one can know of these fear
When people enter I struggle to stop, act like Iâ€™m fine when really Iâ€™m not
If I told people whatâ€™s going on, theyâ€™ll think that Iâ€™m crazy that I donâ€™t belong
Who has a masked man in their heads, who when takes over makes the real me
The voices he uses are the ones […]
Ever since we met (my wife) and decided to stay together, we always have arguments everyday and it seldom happened a day with it. Until we decided to get married, we’re 4 years now and have one 3-year old son. But the state still goes on and sometimes we’re temporarily separated, sometimes I opt to suicide and sometime I leave them for few day to ease the pain.
I love her so much and I don’t want to leave her or get legally separated (in our country there’s no divorce). My problem now is how to handle her everyday since we have a lot of differences […]
A few weeks ago I fled to India, I fled because if i stayed in Ireland I would have killed myself. I have lost so many people in my life, I have made some serious mistakes and I have tried to help most of the people I have encountered. But now I am lost…
Things I have done in India.
1. I have visited people who are so poor its beyond belief, I used to live on the streets but this is crazy, they have nothing and no one cares.
2. I have met some amazing people, people who invite me into their homes and talk […]
In my past entries posted on this site, as well as my facebook page and my website: www.nolenthebeckoning.com, I have mentioned my belief in man’s evolution from fire.Â I have received quite a few derogatory replies.Â Most from people calling themselves christians.Â To those of you on this site who claim christianity, I do not wish to personally offend you, however it is of my opinion that christianity is one of the leading religions to plague mankind.Â Most of christian history is written in bigotry and the practice of condemning all others…and when there’s no others, condemn each other.Â As with many of my perceptions, […]
I never liked life for what it appears to be: a process of disilllusionnement
I was trusting and full of hope as a kid, but this was because I used to idealize life and people’s intentions
life experiences later, I’ve become rather suspicious and apathetic
I don’t think we’re here to find our purpose or happiness .. I feel like we’re here to chase after things, only to realize those things were just illusions .. the more you believed the illusion to be real, the more brutal the wake-up will be, the harder it is to swallow the pill of letting go
I was led to believe in certain […]
Tonight is the night my dreams come true. If I cannot have the woman I love, I cannot have anything. My plan no longer matters. I have a rough combination and can handle the pain, cause nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, can rival the pain she has put me through the last year. And still I love her with all my mind, body, heart and soul. This will obviously be my final posting. Mythological creatures don’t die, right? They live on forever. This Siren is about to disprove that mythological belief. I just can’t do it anymore. Not even time for the Siren’s final […]