I’ve never felt like i’ve belonged anywhere.On paper i have a pretty perfect life… but i spent 10 years with a secret that drove me to depression.Now the secret is out, i feel like i lost that one thing that defined me for so many years…i dont know who i am anymore.my mom and my bf love me and im trying to survive for them but i dont wanna live.i want to stop existing.it hurts my bf when i tell him that but if suicide is selfish isn’t it equally selfish to force someone stay alive? y wont he let me die…I don’t wanna hurt […]
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Bf
its been a while since ive been online. not a lot has happened. but im getting worst. me and my bf broke up, and there is this girl i just wanna kill. me and my best friend are fighting and ive got no sleep in about a week. im going crazy. i run away a lot during the day and sometimes at night. i think about death more and more. i just wanna die. before they were just thoughts but now it is serious. self harm- if i cut my wrist and hope to hit a vein, it will take hours of painful death until […]
i am 15 nearly 16. people think im such a happy teenager, but they have no idea how wrong they are. i have depression, i have an eating disorder, i self harm and im suicidal. i dont have a bf and a lovely family but non of them know the truth. i tell them but they dont take me seriously they thing im lying or that ill be “fine” do you know how hard it is to be battling against life alone? feel like no one cares? no one is there? well thats me. i have cuts on my shoulder, stomach and my wrists. i […]
So I guess life is about finding a partner to share your life with, being the partner for somebody and building a life on a relationship, maybe having a family. Sounds nice. Sounds like something I’d like to achieve.
So my life should be about perfect. I just got two A:s so I’m a good student, I live together with my bf and everything seems good.
Let me just say.
Fuck this shit.
Two of his friends came over today. The other one offered me some candy and I said “well… thanks.” What did my bf say? “You don’t have to be such a moodkiller.” Yeah. A moodkiller. And […]
my name is heather im 22 years old and im tired of living. i smile and laugh in a crowd and secretly plan my demise. i dont have the normal reasons why people want to die (if there are normal reasons) im attractive people say. i am a college student and i have a bf. but im just so tired of existing. i fantasize about death almost everyday. im alone in a crowded room, and i cant handle the stress of my past anymore. I plan on overdosing in a forest its a nature center that has trails preston would be so proud lol. but […]
i dont what to do anymore… when i was a kid i always got beaten by my parents sumtimes for nothing… i always saw my father beat my mother and out of anger my mother beating herself…. my mother once told me she never wanted me and my father says no point of having a daughter cuz i don’t have interest in cooking or cleaning …. my parents got divorced after living with each other for more that 10 years… after their divorce none of my friends wud ever talk to me till today been 10 yrs nw and i dont have a single friend….. […]
IM SERIOUS. this is NO LIE. every relationship ive ever been in, has been longdistanced and somene i met online. WHY? what the fuck is wrong with me in person???? i keep track in my mind at school whos single and who aint..well turns out in my grade? im like the only one who isnt walking beside their bf. this is so nerve wrecking like huh am i a loner? maybe. i just wish i knew why im so unappealing in person..im one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet (unless u piss me off and u will wish u never knew me) so ita […]
Ya well i broke up with her about 3 months ago didnt wana hurt her honestly but It because I am Bi and I like more guys I have boyfriend and well I am Gay.Came out the closest 2 months ago and ya since then people are still talking shit and it doesnt stop. I honestly dont know what i did wrong but I hurt my ex it’s weird I would still do anything for her anything anything still feelings there for her cus we went out for 2 years and they just wont go away..However, meet my boyfriend on Facebook and he my […]
so now if i cut..my bf says he’ll hit me….WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! why does he acts like this…he used to help me stay on a positive path..now cuz of him…im crying now and i cry always…if i wasnt terrified of pissinghim off. id cut myself til i bleed to death…but my mind decides to live in emotional torture… i rather die.
Hanging out with my friends and my ex or bf or what ever he is and we have been hanging out all day but when he hugs me or puts his arm around me I wanted to cry so bad my eyes started to water and my face got all red… I want to die
today after school i hung out with my friend lily she is really nice i met her in P.E i also hung out with my ex or bf or what ever he is we went back to her house and started drinking i just followed along because i did not know what to do it helped numb the pain… after i left they he stayed at her house and continue drinking the scotch she pulled out of her parents liquor cabinet… when i got home i started doing shots of vodka and i did some drinking while i was home by my self i almost […]
my bf..ahh we fight through smiles and tears..so he finally talks to me and i attempt to fix things. apparently what i had to say hurt him deeply..now im lost…did i get it through to him not to fucking ignore me or did i push him away???? guess il find out eventually:/ so thats that, then school is ok not hell so thats a plus…except i need more friends.. like always i get looked at and or ignored..but im learning to not care anymore..sooo yeah happy but depressed which is causng me not to eat i havent eaten anything in 3days:/ starving but the sight […]
im ready to. but I CANT. idk i must be this fucking stupid, i cant even kill myself, i fail..ive failed 15 times! though bout 11 were lousy attempts only to feel some pain in the end. im done, life is not fair. well damn that is right. school starts tuesday…im ok with that..i want my phone though…i either get it next week or in november for my birthday…(so my sister says) i partially believe her cuz dad said i get it back..i need my phone to fix my relationship…damn that sounds pathetic. ugh i feel ignored…alone. but im not. i have an amazing bf […]
i almost fully had the will to continue on living..then i go to a friends house and her sister tells me she is tryin to split my bf and i by telling my parents im still secretly dating him. my parents find out; i wont have internet access at all! let alone my bf? i cant live without him, hes half the reason im still alive and if i lose internet access il lose the other half, i cant let that happen…but if she does tell she has no proof. haha jokes on her now but still freaking i just might lose everyone close to […]
ok, so ima say tonight NEVER happend. i LOVE my bf, too much, even if hehurts me..oh well. well 8 hrs ago i was asked out by the guy who denied asking to have sex me. well what the hell? at first i said no, then i wanted to see how much fun i can have for once so i got ready and walked down to his place, so we went to the movies and he is ULTRA flirty, i guess he still likes me. the whole time im thinking “dont fall, i have a bf, play it cool” well then we hung at his […]
ok second good day in a row. XD lovin it. but there is always something to effect me.
highs: 1) bf is making huge effort in talkin to me and all the sweet things r back (lets c how long it lasts)
2) parents r acting a little nicer
3) sister isnt punching me as much
4) im able to sleep more
5) im mainly smiling til a flashback hits me but i do my best to deal with it
lows: 1) dad still causes arguement; but makes it shorter
2) mom is still a bit strict
3) sister wont leave me alone
4) my […]
so a few days ago. i here from my ex who ignored me for over a month. this is kinda secret since were a long distance thing, my parents say its not healthy to talk to him, well fuck u. so they took my itouch and cell away for either a looooong while or forever. so there goes private contact, so then we start e-mailing and after a week he ignores me for over a month, then wednesday im sure it was he e-mailed me. i was soo happy. then it wet to silence again. well earlier i was home for 7 hrs watching […]
u say u love me more then ur life
u say im the girl u will eventually mary
u say u will never forget me
u say im the best gf u have eva had
u say how strong ur love for me is
u say im beautiful
u say u would do anything for me
til u decided im worth nothing cuz now i got my phone and ipod taken away 4ever u want NOTHING to do with me. u say if we cant text or call there is no point in making an effort.
WHY did u say all those things […]
Well im only 15, about to start 10th grade next months. To be honest feel like im about to start hell. Having to see the same faces i’ve seen for the past years. I really feel like giving up now. Im so worthless. Really. And im sure no one would really be hurt if i was gone. Most of my friends turned their back on me. Ive always been an insecure little shit. And today i realized im really a big hypocrate. A pathetic brat. im just so mad at myself…… I’ve always hurt the people around me, everyone really. Im sure there isnt even […]
Anxiety, depression, Bulimia Nervosa and cronically alone.
After seeking treatment for Comorbid major depressive disorder and Bulimia Nervosa I though I would change and consequently my life would change. Reality is a whole lot different. I constantly have suicidal thoughts, high levels on anxiety and extremely low moods.
I find my self in the grips of yet another bad Bulimia time. On a good night I eat dinner once and loose it once, on a bad night I might eat 3 and loose 3. I do it not to be thin but to ease the anxiety and stress and as an avenue for self harm. I am […]