When I woke up this morning, I knew I have fallen out of reality again. Everything looks, sounds and feels grey. I have gone through at least 10 YouTube videos where 3 are just repeats of the same video. I have watched 1 encouragement video about money, doesn’t sound encouraging to me at this point. It’s like time have just stopped even while I see the water flowing, the people walking, yet the time is static. Everything is beyond my reach, that’s because I am walking through a black and white movie. I can’t remember the feeling that pushes me forward, the goals that I […]
Tag:
Black And White
I remember the time when you used to call me beautiful
It was a time when I was truly happy
There weren’t empty tears at 3 A.M. and hopeless wishes
I remember the time everything black and white turned grey
It was when you two would fight and loveless tears ran down your cheeks
Suddenly you left, you didn’t call, and you didn’t return for a while
I remember when you were there for me
It was around the time I went to seek help in the ocean
I sank to the bottom and struggled […]
I will not kill myself. I can’t, I just have too much potential. However, I just have this urge to do it anyways. Half of the time, I want to live just to learn about the universe and the wonders of science. Yes, that is right. I only live in the name of science and the curiosity spectrum of my mind. But then half of the time, I tell myself that there is no incentive of living. Let me lay this down for you: I have amnesia (or maybe even Alzheimer at a relatively early age). My mind […]
I hate to say it but I’ve heard it from so many sources. Just be happy! Maybe there’s something horribly wrong with me but I can’t push myself to be happy. I should be though-from the outside my life kind of seems pretty fucking OK. Nowadays I feel guilty and anxious because I can’t bring myself to enjoy it. It’s there, right in front of me but forcing myself to be happy?
That only deepens my anxiety making it so much worse. I tried to ask for help, to make people understand me but they can’t. Now the plan switched to: I’ll off myself if I […]
I had to go to the mental health ward where i stayed but still felt like i was brainwashed into committing but then had an extremely scary dream where i was in a black and white place, no escape, with people with red eyes that told me, ” your going to be here for a long time” so yeah think of the consequences. So talk to me first before committing yourself, im someone you can lean on. I want to be a nurse. i can help