I’m really bored and I have a bunch of work I should be doing but don’t wanna do. I was drawing something but gave up in the middle of and stared watching Bleach and I REALLY WANT TO FINISH IT but i have so many episodes left to watch. I need to keep myself busy. What do you like to do to pass this time of boredom?
Wow, off topic right?
Well if anyone needs a cheer up, Bleach is on Netflix. Also a lot of other anime.
Last night… Well, last night I almost did it. I almost killed myself. The pain was at its peak. I’m on medication for depression, but I don’t think its working. If anything, it’s making me worse.Â My note was half finished, the pills and bleach beside me, blade in hand; when a friend called me. Stupidly I answered the call, despite the state I was in. As soon as I spoke, he told me to tell him what was wrong. And that made me bawl. He is the first person who has asked me what’s wrong even when I’d said nothing. And, even as I lied through my teeth trying to convince him I was fine, he wouldn’t give up until I told him. I couldn’t help it, I ended the call and just broke down. He’s the only one who’s done that. Who’s realised I’m not okay. And I don’t know why, but that stopped me. He is the reason I’m still alive today.Â My friend saved me last night.
I’ve had some big and stressful issues happen lately in my family, and I’ve completely blocked myself from everyone so really I don’t have anyone to talk it and I’ve been diagnosed with depression and bad anxiety. I thought I could rely on my friends to support me, but instead they just said “Sorry” for forcing me to tell them what’s wrong and never spoke about it again.Â I went to a school counsellor because I didn’t want my mum knowing I was like this because she would just blame me and say that I was being dramatic. Anyways, they gave up on me, so once again I had no one. It got to the stage where I had myself to talk to and that’s it. I have extremely bad anxiety/panic attacks and instead of people helping me, they would mock me, laugh and just stare at me… I know I act tough, I act like nothing will ever bring me down, but I know myself I am weak.
I have been planning on this for a while, At first I wasn’t really caring on the pain that happened, as long as I died. My first option was Bleach, considering it would definitely kill me. Then I was researching, and wanted to somehow get my hands on Hydrogen Cyanide gas or Potassium Cyanide salts, but realised I couldn’t. I am 100% on killing myself soon, and Its really the only thing I want to do. Everyday hurts more and I just cant be bothered being apart of society and their ways. I don’t even know what’s the point of this post but mainly I just want advice of how or when to do it really…
it seeps into your heart, your mind, your soul wrecking your body everywhere it goes.
i cant take the time to stop and think where am i going? Who is gonna help me?
you wake up in the middle of the night and your dreams scare you right out of your bed.
How do i get out of this?
You take a knife and you just cut because after you do it sends shivers of warm fuzzy tingles throughout your senses.
it leaves you shivering with ecstasy
You wish someone would help you but all they can say is are you okay?
How do they expect you to reply when you dont even know the answer?
Sigh, no one can. jsut rely on yourself to pull you through this.
i’ve planned how im going to die.
say goodbye to parents in the morning and they drop me off at school.
but. instead of going to class like they thought i did. i walk out of the school gates and hop on the train.
catch the train to the shops and buy a bottle of bleach and then catch the bus to the river.
climb over the rail of the bridge and sit jsut above the water. shimmering. flickering. seconds go buy.
then down the bottle of bleach and say one last goodbye to this cruel world.
thanks for things that i didnt really need?
all i really wanted was to be free in my own shell. Happy and content with my own life and being happy for once rather than sad all the time. Why cant i just be given that simple little thing?
So now stuff was going amazing was working out found the right people and now.. I’m not living at home a few hours away living in a basement parents don’t want me back stuff was pretty shit befor I was arrested in my bedroom about 2 weeks now going to be going in to foster care if I’m not accepted in to some program and I would be there for a year then idk were I think back home but my bestfriend it feels like he s replacing me. I’ve been failing school and this was suppose to be the turn around year and none of what I wanted to happen is going to I was gonna bust my ass every day at the gym and at school and trying just to be good enough my parents hated the way I was physically and mentally so I tried changing the phycial one but now it’s mentally and changing one is hard enough and I just feel like every thing is going to shit again I was getting confindce now it’s gone and now I don’t even feel like I have the will to keep moving but I pull out every bit of last energy just to .. Keeping going and im not sure weather I want to just end it now just mix some bleach or gas with some rum or some thing and have few cigarets write the letter say my apologize and be done ….. I know that my life is nothing like others or to you reading this and mine seems like nothing like its not that big of problem but I’m just at the point of being called fat to many times and a disappointment and fat pig and and ass and I’m just so tired of failing every thing I’ve ever tried and .. I’m just ..giving up no will to push forward no motivation to look back
Hi there. I’m a suicide survivor. I want to share my story to everyone that is going through the same thing. I have type one diabetes and that was one of the main reasons why I got made fun of, including my looks. I’m very insecure and I hate it. I’m a survivor. I wanted to die. I got a pocket knife and I was going to do it, but my brother walked in on me and he stopped me. He let me cry into him the whole night. A few weeks ago, I drank bleach. I threw away the bottle and my mom saw it. She made me throw it up and took me to the hospital. I got help and sometimes, I still want to kill myself but my friends are always there for me. I wanted to share this because I tried two times and they never worked. Suicide is very serious. Please don’t kill yourself.Â Don’t do itÂ True
I had to steady myself before replying. Thankfully my voice comes out normal and calm. I don’t want anyone to know about it.
I calmly walk to my room, collapse on the floor, lean against the door and just cry.
I’m selfish. Stupid. Arrogant. A waste of money. A waste of time. A waste of energy. Fat. Lazy. Ugly.
Sink down, lying on floor.
Gay. Retard. ******. Dirty. Liar.
Even if I did leave, there would still be those at school who would just laugh at me.
Lol. She’s such an emo.
I’ve been crying to the point that it hurts now. Maybe I should….
Even if its painful, drinking bleach would be worthwhile.
I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been keeping that fake, plastic barbie smile on my face for over six years now.
Sometimes… I feel like doing it.
The one and only thing that keeps me from committing suicide is all you guys. Believe it or not, I’ve read your posts & comments… They’ve given me hope, a different hope from the fake, breakable hope that people around me give… Your support warms my heart, even if its just a candle in a blizzard…
Strangely enough, you guys make me feel so much better than everyone around me… Even if I don’t know your names, we’re all alike, and I know how you all feel…
Thanks so much for everything
6 months ago, my 12 year old brother was in independent detention when he tried to choke himself with the wire of a spiral notebook. Gladly, someone caught him and they had the school’s deputy escort him to a behavioral institution. At the end of my school day, I was waiting down in the band hall for two of my friends, Valerie and Wolfgang, when I got the text from my mother that read: [Your brother] tried to kill himself at school. Dad and I are going to the Littleton Behavioral Institute. We don’t know when we’ll be home but you need to take care of [your sister].
We didn’t get to see my brother for Christmas. We set his presents aside. We sent him to a prestigious institution in Texas. After about two months, it seemed as though he was doing very good. We didn’t think he was ready to come home, but the insurance company refused to fund his stay any longer. Surely enough, a week after he comes back, he cuts and tries to drink bleach. So my parents take him back to the Littleton Institute. Around 2 weeks later, we send him to an Institute in our state of Colorado.
My brother, like myself, was adopted. But, instead of being adopted 5 days after he was born, was adopted 3 years after. And his mother was a cocaine-addicted prostitute (she still is, make no mistake) with ten other children that were previously taken from her. He was physically and sexually abused by his mother, his mother’s boyfriend, and his mother’s clients. When he was retrieved from his mother and brought to our family for foster care, he had cigarette burns on his arms, a bad case of a skin disease called eczema, and nothing to wear except a ratty t-shirt, a diaper, and crocs. He didn’t talk, he never cried, and he didn’t know how to play. His mother had sometimes given him alcohol to make him sleep, and had beaten him when he would cry. So he didn’t really feel pain at the time, or if he did, he didn’t express it.
Once, when he was 3 or 4, he was sitting at the table with a piece of paper. He started to roll it up, and just as my mom mistook it for a pretend trumpet, he licked the last centimeter and closed the tightly rolled paper. Like really… he could roll a joint when he was a toddler. What the hell!? Another time, he was in preschool and the teachers were showing diagrams of human bodies. You know, showing the kids the arms and fingers and legs and head. He pointed to the men’s part and said, “That. You kiss it.” Another time, my mother was changing my crying little sister on the table. He looked down at her and said, “Stupid *****.”
This is why he was so messed up now. Because the first 2 years of one’s life are the most crucial. His needs weren’t met in those early years, and it screwed him up royally. He has bipolar disorder, ADHD, and reactive attachment disorder. And he should be home permanently by the end of June. He’s started a couple home visits, and is basically euphoric when he’s here. And I had a hard time with dealing with all of this, but I have an amazing support system. An infinitely awesome best friend, a spectacular group of friends beyond her, my fantastic big sister (an upperclassmen friend that I’m very close to), and a great church family (we’re a small church so I know everyone). My point is, this whole idea of “getting help” actually works. I promise. If you listen, understand, and react, everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.
Sometimes I wish I’d just die already. I wish that I’d drowned when I was 2, or hit my head on the concrete as an infant like I almost did, but the universe is dead set on watching me suffer. I’ve tried so many different things to try and make it all go away, I tried cutting, it didn’t help, I tried popping tylenol whenever I felt down,Â and it helped for a while, but it doesn’t anymore. I’ve tried just crying for a long time, it made me feel worse.
I’m only 13, and life has already ended for me. My past is full of the mistakes I made, all the things people said and did, my present is blurred by the tears I just can’t shed, and my future is invisible.
I can’t see myself living until Monday even! I can just barely struggle and pull myself through the day. When I try to think of the future, I picture a casket, I picture people’s reactions when they see me kill myself, I plan out each and every bit of stinging revenge I can take by just watching their faces as I bleed out in front of their eyes.
It’s a constant temptation. All those medications I can swallow, the array of knives I can slash my throat with, all the buildings I can just jump off. All the bleach, cleaners, and poison I can drink, it all looks so good to me. I just want to slip away, like tears down the shower drain.
Since I see so many of you not knowing what could possibly help to get back on track, I’ll just tell you what I think are the pros of living.
I really want to die. Maybe bleach would work. Or. Drowing. or a combination of the two. Hmm.
I could put something heavy over my head in the bathtub and try to drown myself there. Maybe.
I feel so sorry for her.She made ONE mistake that ruined her life.
She was on webcam to new people to make more friends and to chat.And a group called her stunning pretty ect.Then asked her to flash she thought nothing of it and did it.The into the christmas break she got a msg saying “show me or i send your boobs” she ingored it then at 4am the police knocked on the door because that man sent the picture to everyone.She was hated so bad she had to move school.And again in one school she thought a boy liked her and they hooked up then she found out he had a girlfriend.At school about 15 people came up to her and that boy and his girlfriend and starting saying “no one likes you. just punch her” so they did and beat her up really badly.Her dad found her in a ditch.Where she moved to cause she blamed herself and wanted to die.After that she moved to her moms.She couldnt go to school.In the end the bullying got so bad people from her old school said “drink some more bleach and make sure it kills you this time”
R.I.P Amanda Todd!<3
shes was stunning!Forever loved
Hey, anyone who’s a littleÂ interesting in this stranger. I already wrote something saying that I was thinking about killing myself and also talking about my own life. Anyway, I’ve decide to leave the world but I can’t. I’m so angry right now. I can’t kill myself. I was thinking inÂ committing suicide byÂ carbonÂ monoxide poisoning.Â Â I can’t because my parents, aunt or grandparents could see me. I thought committing suicide by taking too much pills (my original plan). Then I felt really retarded when I notice that wasn’t as easy as I thought. I don’t want any suffer so I’m not going by hanging, wrist cutting, suffocation,Â hypothermia, electrocution, jumping from height (that’s too dramatic for me), drinking bleach or any other toxic substance (excepting the pills overdose and carbon monoxide poisoning), etc.
Can anyone help me? I’m getting really bored.
There’s nothing wrong with my life, besides the fact that I’m a useless leech. I’m 28 and haven’t done a damn thing with my life. I’ve always been told that it’s because I’m lazy, and I’ve accepted it. I’ve been sad for no *good* reason for most of my life (plenty of shallow reasons–too stupid, too ugly, too awkward, etc, etc). Attempted suicide once, many years ago. Woke up in intensive care to suffer massive guilt from my mother. My dad wouldn’t speak to me for almost a year after that–just flat out ignored me, though we lived in the same house. (Because of course it was my fault for being such a *****. Sorry I’m not the son you always wanted!) Had to spend 3 days in the psych ward because of a government mandate on self-harm. Tell you what, that was the most depressing shit I’d ever seen. If you didn’t have any real problems before you went in, you will when you get out. I don’t ever, ever, EVER recommend anyone checking themselves into a mental health facility. That shit’ll fuck you up good. Anyway. The food was shit and there was nothing to do, and it was horribly cold and everything smelled like bleach and cigarettes. I lied and said all the right things because I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there. I learned to fake being happy after that.
I started doing things appropriate for my age, only to realize everything was a huge pain in the ass. I don’t want to go out and socialize: that requires brushing my hair and putting on pants, not to mention talking to people face-to-face. I had acquaintances from school and work, but I always kept my distance and made excuses until people just didn’t try to invite me to anything, anymore. Eventually, I stopped going to work–because who cares? I still lived at home and didn’t have to worry about rent. (Go me.) And then I stopped going to school, because who cares? College is just an expensive investment made on the hopes of earning 20% more than a high school graduate, during your lifetime. Ain’t no guarantee of getting a better job than the one I just quit (which was shit, and paid shit).
In the past few years I’ve tried to get my shit together, and always give up or sabotage my own plans. I started school again, then dropped out. Then started again. (Oh, the loans I’ve accumulated…) And then one day, I finally got my head out of my ass and thought to myself, am I really ok with just being a lazy, good-for-nothing piece of shit for the rest of my life? At 25, I finally started thinking about what I wanted out of life.
And I couldn’t think of a single goddamned thing.
There’s nothing I want to be. There’s nothing I want to do.
Everything I do is just a desperate grab at distracting myself from the truth: I’m hollow. There’s nothing inside me. (And it’s not just because I’m every bit the **** I act.)
I’m one of those people who contributes absolutely nothing to the world but carbon emissions. I don’t volunteer–I don’t like people, in general. I’m not nice. (I don’t look at babies in public because I WILL NOT SMILE at them–why should I? some idiots decide to make a baby, and I have to cater to their stupid brat, who will cry if I just stare at it… goddamn it, I fucking hate babies. I’m a pretty terrible person.)
I don’t even recycle properly.
No one depends on me financially. No one actually needs me. I’m just wasting everyone’s time and resources by living. I could go and the only drawback would be that my parents would be sad, probably.
So, yeah. I’m kind of sad, I guess. I always have been. But the reason I feel compelled to die is simply because… there isn’t a good reason for me to keep living.
Anyway. I’ve been reading about that helium hood thing, which sounds pretty sweet. I’m broke right now, though. (If I had health insurance, would I even bother to seek help? The psychologist I met with back in the facility was aÂ sanctimoniousÂ bastard. I don’t want people like that telling me lies to keep me alive so I could pay for their fucking vacation homes.) The most efficient method for me would probably be to jump off a tall building, at the risk of being caught before being able to do it…
Why am I writing all this shit to people with real problems?
Jesus someone just kill me already
Loaded up the vaporizor with with Â bleach. Now just gonna lay back and breathe in the fumes until i go into respiratory failure! This is it here we go
I miss being happy.
I find myself wishing by chance someone will just hit me in a car crash. Shoot me. Stab me. Beat me into a coma. Hell there is bleach in the next room.
I don’t know why I’m so sad, I wrote on here the other day thinking it would help. My life is good after all I am just so tired of looking like I’m so happy when I am not. It takes work putting on a constant show and making appearance. I want to cry…..
i’ve spent alot of years thinking about this, a couple times trying it, and now i’m ready to get serious! but i want to make sure it actually works. waking up in the hospital with all the fam damily around balling their eyes out is no longer an option. what about a syringe full of bleach? any other suggestions? what can i find around the house to inject and get this taken care of? wish i could just get ahold of some heroin. i know how to make that work………..
I want to kill myself. Simple as. I hate myself so much and I know, in order to improve the lives of those around me I must die. There’s some fancy new bridge opening soon near my home. I’m planning on making the opening ceremony something to remember. Lol.
People always say there’s something out there to live for. But I’ve hung around enough times before. I tipped away a lethal conconction full of pills, bleach and other household cleaning products once to give myself another chance. Then I tried to jump out of a window, only I got stuck because I’m so fat. But this time I am going to do it. Lol.
What point is there in living? I am only living so I can procreate then die. But then the offspring would only live for the same reason. But its not living really, only existing. There is no real reason to live. None at all. Fact.
i tried to hang myself when i was like 8 or 9 with a jump rope. i was 13 when i took like 8 different bottles of pills. both attempts didnt work, obviously, but i still have horrible nightmares of past experiences and some weird memories of abuse are coming back to me. i wonder if im going crazy and making stuff up (im 17)… i admit that i’d rather be alright and have had a life where NOTHING bad has happened and everything is perfect but im wondering if im not a psychological hypochondriac..the memories are so vivid though. i can remember feelings, and certain smells or textures will trigger memories to come flying back. sometimes i wonder what is the purpose of life when the only requisite is death. i honestly cannot come up with a long term reason to live. i honestly am not living because i WANT TO. im doing it because everytime im staring down the resource officer’s holster at school, or the bottles of bleach and ammonia in the pantry, or submersing myself in bathwater on a sunday night wondering if i should resurface, i think about who it will affect. i dont know how long it will take me to run out of people to live for. can selflessness last a lifetime?