Depression is like a bottomless pit. You can tell someone you’re falling and you just don’t see an end to it, but they tell you to be thankful you’ve never came crashing to the bottom. Why would I be thankful for never hitting the bottom, even if at an extreme force. I’ll never stop falling. I’ll never know anything but falling or the peace of finding the end I’ve been dreaming of. Nothing I do fucking matters. I can’t stop my falling, I’ll soon never be able to see the light again.. Everything is just getting darker and I’m tired of falling..
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Bottomless Pit
I ruinedmy life with bad choices, poor academic decisions, bad financial decisions, and dishonesty. When I met my husband and gave birth to our beautiful sweet babies I was so sad. Sad because all at once I knew I would never be worthy of this gift I was given because of my past mistakes.
I have devoted 10 years of counseling to my bullshit, with multiple explanations that the attention seeking and erratic behavior from age 18-23 was linked to feeling worthless at home, feeling powerless, bla bla. I don’t blame anyone but myself. The best way I can explain it is that I was crazy […]
I’ve wanted to die not long after I’d been born. The first time I tried to kill myself was when I was four years old. And for the people who have told me that my brain wasn’t fully developed yet, its impossible, i wasn’t capable of feeling suicidal, bullshit. I remember it. I wanted to die and I was perfectly capable of feeling hopeless. Â The next seven times I tried to kill myself was when I was ten years old and living in hell. I remember I brought a large steak knife up to my room and just held it up to my neck till […]
Suicidal people are some of the deepest people that exist. Why might that be?
Maybe it’s because our soul is a big black hole, a bottomless pit, much like our minds.
There’s no ground, and no ceiling, it just fades to blackness, in the back of our minds.
Maybe it’s because we’re not afraid of going to hell, because we’ve already been.
This makes us incredibly strong, yet hopelessly weak.
Where am i?
Groggy and disorientated! Scared, no…Terrified! Lost! Alone! Â Iv’e disappeared into a bottomless pit of desperate pessimism.
I find myself lying on the floor, naked. The room is a mess. The abstract paintings on the wall are askew and there’s glass sprinkled like dangerous confetti all over the carpet. My head is throbbing to unknown injuries and my thoughts are incoherent. I’m having difficulty remembering where i should be and how i got to be here. Is that electricity sparking between the lights? What’s going on?
Where did Vicky go? I needed her and she was here. I spoke to her and the others, Warren? Jackie? […]
Hi, let me start by saying that I am NOT suicidal. However, I have tried to commit suicide when I was younger a few times, but, I never actually tried to where it’d actually put so much as a scratch on me. I also often want to die… But honestly, I just don’t have the balls to do anything… And I also thought about if, I fail, and wake up in a hospital, get better, have to go to therapy, people ask me questions, all that shit would piss me off.
Anyway, what I came here for is to have a place to rant and just […]